Engagement party disaster

[tonymac]

NC as potentially outing.

I had my engagement party on Saturday and it descended into slight chaos. To me, usual family drama, which ended up in a bit of a scuffle - my partner was joint equally to blame for it all - along with some random distant cousin who I've not seen for years.

I was annoyed, ofcourse I was - but I've been around long enough to know these things happen. I'd have preferred it didn't obviously, but I had a bit of a moan when we got home, and then put it behind me and forgot about it. It was an excellent night bar 5 minutes at the end and for me, it can all be forgotten about.

However, one of my friends (who was right in about it all and gave my stepfather a total mouthful of abuse for telling her to go away and stop antagonising the situation) just won't let it go. She's messaging me daily asking how things are and if my partner is still trying to make it up to me. Going on and on about how ridiculous she thinks the whole situation was and how she's so hurt for me. I do appreciate her concern and I know she's just looking out for me, but all I really want to do is forget about it. It's water off a ducks back for me and what's annoying me most is everyone still talking about it a week later.

AIBU to tell her for the millionth time that it's fine and I'm over it and no I'm not leaving DP for it, only with a sprinkling of back the heck off before we fall out included this time?

I’m with your friend. You appear to think that drunken violence at family gatherings is entirely normal.

How embarrassing for all involved. I’d be horrified at this going on at an engagement party involving the groom to be, and I’ve absolutely not led a sheltered life! She’s concerned OP, but you’ll need to ask her outright to stop going on if it bothers you

Mm. I'd be pretty concerned too if my fiance had a fight with someone at our engagement party.

Physical violence at a family party is a huge deal. I feel sad for you if you consider this normal. It real isn't it. Your family clearly have issues if this is what you're used to and now it seems like you've found yourself with a partner with a similar attitude. I hope kids aren't involved.

Your friend seems to be revelling in the drama but she is reasonable to be shocked.

OP "but I've been around long enough to know these things happen."

I'm mid 40s. Anyone behaving like that in my family - I'd imagine the whole family would be really alarmed!

I once went to a wedding (as a plus one) where the groom ended up head-butting one of his guests. We still occasionally bring it up 25 years later-sounds like your wedding is going to be equally lively!

My fiancé doesn't got around picking fights as a matter of course, indeed that's the first I've ever known him to be involved in anything of the sort. Ofcourse it's far from ideal that it was our engagement party, but really not worth losing any sleep about imo! I just don't want a stupid 5 minutes, which neither me nor my family are concerned about, to ruin an otherwise great night!

Ignoring her and thanking her for her concern/reassuring her we're all fine has been my approach for the last week but she's showing no signs of relenting and it's all just getting really boring now

I also haven't been to an engagement party where there has been a fight (I have heard people grumble about being sat at a table near the toilets but that's about it). So I can understand that your friend is looking out for you and letting you know this is not normal and is not acceptable behaviour.

Personally, I think she has suffered a bit of a shock and it wouldn't surprise me if she re-assesses if she attends any future events where your family are likely to meet up.

So unlike the home life of our own dear Queen.

It's like a Jeremy Kyle family.let loose in the wild... I would be concerned too. But it sort of sounds like she was joining in by shouting abuse at people so she doesn't sound much better than your family and probably should stop going on about it.

Your fiancé and you need to watch this:

www.channel4.com/programmes/one-killer-punch/on-demand/59275-001

we have a thread winner already in Alexa

The first post is just amazing - “Maybe she doesn’t get out much?” 🤪
Obviously lots of (poor gobshites) people think this is perfectly normal behaviour, and anyone not having experienced must simply never leave the house?!!

So the host of the engagement party got in a fist fight with a relative at his own engagement party and 'it's totally fine'

@HeddaGarbled as a solicitor I'm well aware of the egg shell skull rule to which this show relates. Given my cousin threw more than his fair share of punches, and indeed instigated it, I think there would be a substantial decree of contributory negligence

It's even worse if your dp doesnt normally get into fights.

I can not believe for a second you havent wanted to find out what was going on.

Could you keep replying with the same boring response? She'll soon get bored of asking
I don't know why people are so shocked that a night involving drink could descend into punches being thrown. It's never been my experience but I've watched fly on the wall police shows

Wow you are a solicitor?

That will be great for your rep, when the police are called to your wedding.

I thought Single was being sarcastic...

Do your friend a massive favour and don’t stay in touch with her.

Seriously? You had a party and in front of your family and friends your fiance got into a fight?! Those things don't happen. People are not violent at parties.

I think you should say that you don't want to talk about it any more and as far as you're concerned the whole thing is already dealt with, but I feel suggesting you will fall out with her if she doesn't shut up about it would result in the falling out happening then and there.

I'd be a bit concerned about her asking more than once if you'll be splitting up over this... sounds like she'd like that to happen? But maybe she just has a dull life?

Personally I would just go "Lalala I'm not listening" every time she mentions it from now on.

Start planning your wedding and rabbit on about what centrepieces you want for the tables etc to give her something else to talk about.

By the way - Congratulations!

I want to be supportive but I'm a bit speechless.

as a solicitor I'm well aware of the egg shell skull rule to which this show relates. Given my cousin threw more than his fair share of punches, and indeed instigated it, I think there would be a substantial decree of contributory negligence

So it was more than the ‘scuffle’ as you referred to in your first post? You admit that you are aware that someone could have been killled as a result of a punch...