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AIBU?

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Original poster

Engagement party disaster

316 replies

tonymac · 03/05/2019 22:15

NC as potentially outing.

I had my engagement party on Saturday and it descended into slight chaos. To me, usual family drama, which ended up in a bit of a scuffle - my partner was joint equally to blame for it all - along with some random distant cousin who I've not seen for years.

I was annoyed, ofcourse I was - but I've been around long enough to know these things happen. I'd have preferred it didn't obviously, but I had a bit of a moan when we got home, and then put it behind me and forgot about it. It was an excellent night bar 5 minutes at the end and for me, it can all be forgotten about.

However, one of my friends (who was right in about it all and gave my stepfather a total mouthful of abuse for telling her to go away and stop antagonising the situation) just won't let it go. She's messaging me daily asking how things are and if my partner is still trying to make it up to me. Going on and on about how ridiculous she thinks the whole situation was and how she's so hurt for me. I do appreciate her concern and I know she's just looking out for me, but all I really want to do is forget about it. It's water off a ducks back for me and what's annoying me most is everyone still talking about it a week later.

AIBU to tell her for the millionth time that it's fine and I'm over it and no I'm not leaving DP for it, only with a sprinkling of back the heck off before we fall out included this time?

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 03/05/2019 22:49

A solicitor Grin. I’ll bet... If this was, and I quote, usual family drama, your wedding is very likely to be shameful.
Learn how to behave in public, fgs.

DonkeyHohtay · 03/05/2019 22:49

I have been to shed loads of weddings and family type events and have never seen a fight. Ever. It's really not normal

Chloemol · 03/05/2019 22:49

I would just say to your friend

Stop asking as part of the issue was you and how you spoke to my stepfather, have you apologised to him yet?

Bet she stops then

FunkyKingston · 03/05/2019 22:50

I was annoyed, ofcourse I was - but I've been around long enough to know these things happen.

My wider family are as rough as a badger's arse, but i don't think any of them would see a punch up at a family party as normal or par for the course.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 03/05/2019 22:50

If it's normal to you, then just tell her quite bluntly to back the fuck off. As her concern for you doesn't appear to be waning and she's looking for drama then I think you're entitled to be very outspoken in your responses.
Very odd to think a fight at your engagement party is normal though.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 03/05/2019 22:52

Btw Congratulations Grin

FunkyKingston · 03/05/2019 22:52

I would also wise up to the possibility that you're engaged to a violent dick.

Wasywasydoodah · 03/05/2019 22:53

For some families, fights at a party are indeed normal. I’d be horrified if it was my event, but my family isn’t like that. There are real cultural differences at play... and really, is a scuffle that bad?

Namechangedcositstime · 03/05/2019 22:54

WTF

I expect your friend is really worried about you marrying a violent man. Most families don't verbally or physically fight at parties.

Original poster
tonymac · 03/05/2019 22:55

I'm frankly astounded that a scuffle is considered so unusual and I have no shame in admitting that. I've been to various events, both including and not including my own family, and that of friends, colleagues and clients.

It happens occasionally because people behave like twats when alcohol is involved. It's not a regular thing so I personally see no need for concern other than a slight huff immediately after.

My friend is concerned for me and as mentioned, I appreciate that. But it's time to let it go.

As for the wedding, I have no concerns that there will be a police presence required, and I'm sure my reputation will remain intact

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 03/05/2019 22:55

It was an engagement party. Yes, a scuffle where punches were thrown is that bad.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 03/05/2019 22:56

Your reputation may well remain intact. That should probably concern you...

GPatz · 03/05/2019 22:58

Your friend is coming gelling in the drama - she gave your Stepfather a 'total mouth of abuse'. That doesn't sound like someone who is shocked or pearl clutching at the situation. Has your friend apologised to you or your Stepfather yet for antagonising the situation? It seem that she is complete ignoring the fact that she was causing trouble at her friends engagement party!

GPatz · 03/05/2019 22:59

That should read that your friend is revelling in the drama.

kaldefotter · 03/05/2019 23:00

Your friend is worried that you’re going to marry someone who’d throw punches at your family member, at your own engagement party. If he’s like this in public, she’s worrying about what he’s like behind closed doors.

She’s scared for you, reasonably, because most of us don’t think that violence is normal or acceptable or ‘water off a duck’s back’. She’s trying to be a friend to you, and to help you before you actually marry him.

Come on OP. You’re annoyed that people are still talking about this, but they’re the normal ones. You’re writing off this incident as no big deal, but it isn’t normal and it isn’t okay.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 03/05/2019 23:01

As for the wedding, I have no concerns that there will be a police presence required, and I'm sure my reputation will remain intact

Your family not coming then?

You have been to clients parties and your colleagues fight?

To be fair I have been on work parties where there has been fights and is treated as a very serious incident.

NaomifromMilkshake · 03/05/2019 23:01

Um what can I say...........................

Oh hold on, CHAVTASTIC..

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 03/05/2019 23:01

I agree with the PP that your friend is revelling in the drama.

However, scuffles really aren't normal. I've been to plenty of events family, friends, work etc where are lot of alcohol is involved and there have never been any scuffles or anything close to that. It isn't normal.

EC22 · 03/05/2019 23:02

Not normal. I’m 40 years of age. Never been to a party or event where there’s been any sort of violence. I’d be really worried if this was my friend.

Fiveredbricks · 03/05/2019 23:11

OP this is not normal. People coked off their tits tend to fight rather than drunks. Drunks normally aren't all that capable of instagating. Maybe suggest to your cousin he puts the charlie away at the wedding until after you've all left the reception.

Acis · 03/05/2019 23:11

I've definitely seen a lot worse on many many occasions

Really? You must mix in, um, interesting social circles, OP.

babbi · 03/05/2019 23:11

If it’s a cousin you barely see, what on earth was the fight about ?
It’s not as if they had a grievance that was amplified and escalated through drink ...
therefore must have been about nothing ... much worse imo ...

Congratulations on your engagement

flowery · 03/05/2019 23:13

How very Jeremy Kyle. I’ve not seen a fight since I was at secondary school and I certainly wouldn’t be getting married to anyone who got into a fight with a relative at our engagement party.

Blondequeenie · 03/05/2019 23:15

@tonymac

What you described is nothing compared to what happened at my friends cousins wedding! The wedding was going all fine as planned until the last dance of the night! The best man decided to throw the groom up in the air, only for him to fall down and hit the bride on the nose for her nose to bleed all over her dress. The father of the bride got really angry (didn't like the groom already) and then they both got into a 'scuffle' !!!

So like I am saying it could be much worse! Just make sure it doesn't happen at the wedding and tell your friend to back off.

gettofuckthrees · 03/05/2019 23:16

Grin this thread is a belter !

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