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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That a friend shouldnt do this?

213 replies

IAmNotPatientOrPregnant · 30/04/2019 19:28

So I probably am being unreasonable.

But basically a few days ago, I told my friend I had found the car of my dreams but I couldn't afford it at the moment. She asked me what I wanted and what colour. I told her the colour choice was for a relatively sentimental reason.

She messaged me today to tell me shes bought a new car and us picking it up this evening. The car I told her I wanted, in the same colour.

I'm probably acting spoilt and bitchy but there was a reason behind my colour choice and I absolutely love the car.

What annoys me the most is the car wasnt even at the garage, she specifically went there and asked for that car in that colour.

It's not the first time shes done it, but it's always been with little things, not a bloody car.

She knows I've been feeling down lately and this has just stopped it all off.

OP posts:
VaselineHero · 30/04/2019 22:20

What are you scared of, if you cut her off?

julensaor · 30/04/2019 22:25

Tell her you have booked in next week for a giant rose tattoo covering your ass. Then tell her her car is lovely, the colour is as nice as you thought it would be, but the style of the car is all wrong for you, and you are now thinking of a better colour/style and then tell her you are dyeing your hair dip dye purple because you want to be unique. See what happens!. Seriously get rid of her, your friends should be on your side and want the best for you, not competing with you or being jealous.

Dvg · 30/04/2019 22:30

@SnapesGreasyHair .. Well that's the saddest part, she didn't know anything about horses so didn't realize that stallions are not the type of horses you learn on, got kicked off once pretty badly after about 4 months of having him and never got back on. Sold him after asking me to check out how evil he is... i managed to ride him just fine, no bucking or kicking etc and told her he was absolutely fine so she said he must just have been having a good day -_-

On the plus side, I got a nice new owner for him as didn't trust her to sell him to a good home. Stopped being friends with her after that but saw her out and about.

ButtonMoonLoon · 30/04/2019 22:31

Next time she messages you, mention you spent the evening watching Single White Female with your Mum.....

Floralhousecoat · 30/04/2019 22:35

Even better, watch Single White Female with your 'friend'!!

TransvisionTramp · 30/04/2019 22:36

I used to have a friend like this.
I saw the crescent, she saw the whole of the moon etc. It was exhausting.

You really do need to distance yourself from this toxic friendship. For your own sanity.

Although not before you tell her you're bored of your hair and really fancy going for a very short crop! Grin

Jux · 30/04/2019 22:37

I think you either tell her that what she's done vis a vis the car is simply not on, friends simply don't behave like that and so you want a break from her. Tell her clearly not to contact you or come round, and hnock her on everything.

OR
Do some of the things suggested here; I like Washinglions' list of 21:23, particularly the monkey puzzle tree, but you'll have to work up to it....Grin

MumW · 30/04/2019 22:39

Although not before you tell her you're bored of your hair and really fancy going for a very short crop!
Skin head so you can have your scalp tattooed?! 🤣

HappyMisfit · 30/04/2019 22:42

I had someone who copied my tattoos wording. I saw it coming, she had already tried to put my daughters medical diagnoses on her own daughter, volunteer in the same sector and type of charity I did, my hair, anything that she saw on Facebook, she had it soon enough.

I honestly can’t wrap my head round this type of person, how they simply can’t see how it looks

GinTonicIceLemon · 30/04/2019 23:03

YANBU. I had a friend like this but it was with men! We was only teenagers but whenever I told her I fancied someone, she would be the first one to jump on them. Thankfully I haven't seen her since I was 17/18. Very bizarre and odd behaviour. Looking back it's laughable but at the same time creepy.

I would defiantly dump her as a friend but before give her a few more " I would love to have..." and see if she goes through with it..

Maybe tell her you would "love to have your hair in a certain way/colour (obvs a style you find hideous)and see if she gets it done!!
And I would defiantly tell her you don't like the car anymore as it doesn't seem as good as you thought it was and say you like another car or something. Because it's obviously her trying to be competitive so she will feel like a twat and you will have last laugh!

gokartdillydilly · 30/04/2019 23:03

I LOVE a good toxic friend story. This one is a belter! Seriously though, it's because I had not one but two toxic friends both from school and both who treated me like shit for years. The liberation of not having them in my life is joyous! No more treading on eggshells, feeling guilty, being upset, feeling angry etc.

I completely cut one friend off. No contact. The other, I actually told I didn't want to see any more after she got shitty because I put off a night out with her... because my dad had died Shock

Dragongirl10 · 30/04/2019 23:04

*Tell her you're thinking about getting your inner labia pierced.

Please. Please do that.*

THIS^^!

GinTonicIceLemon · 30/04/2019 23:19

@Gokartdillydilly

God that frienemy sounds like an apsolote fucking monster! I had one "best mate" though out my whole school life who was toxic. I can always remember telling my mum that as soon as I hear that school bell ring for the last time I am never ever going to see her again and I did exactly that.
She never bullied me but it was always a weird guilt trip with her.

Passtherioja · 30/04/2019 23:30

Could you let her bring the car round then tell her that you're so glad you didn't get it now you've seen it up close?

Try "Oh, I didn't realise it would be that shade of (insert colour), that's not what I was after at all. I've seen a (insert other colour/car etc) and that's the car I really want... I'm glad I didn't buy too quickly otherwise I'd have regretted it."

Pumpkintopf · 30/04/2019 23:58

Lol at

I'd go with “”Well DH owes me a posh dinner out. He bet me there was no way I could get you to buy a pink Ford Ka and I said it would be so easy. Enjoy your car!”

Rumbletum2 · 01/05/2019 00:17

Please mess with her 😂

LimeKiwi · 01/05/2019 00:53

Please mess with her

Lmao, my head totally went to "They don't know that they know we know!"
The messer becomes the messee

I clearly watch too much Friends Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/05/2019 01:36

The absolutely nicest construction I could put on this behaviour is that she's desperately jealous of you and wants your life, because she has no initiative of your own, so copies everything you do.

That's still utterly barking behaviour, mind you.

If it's not that, then she's utterly spiteful and is deliberately getting things before you when she knows you can't afford them, just to rub your nose in it that she can.

I'm sniggering slightly at the idea of you telling her you're pg, and her going out and getting pg immediately too, because she can't have you "getting one over her" - and then you telling her it's a false alarm - but that might be too extreme even for her!! (but I would laugh if you tried it)

She does sound highly toxic and I wouldn't want her in my life any more. Tell her you're moving to South Africa, discuss all the visa requirements etc., give her the date - maybe she'll move over there to beat you to the punch and you won't move at all!! Grin

IratePanda · 01/05/2019 08:31

Here's my plan, get someone to photo shop you with a radical new hairstyle, send it to old twat chops, and say you've been feeling a change coming on for awhile. Post it in social media, too. Make it really seem like you've done this. Get multiple photos done if you can... Then just wait. She's a leech, don't be afraid to cut yourself loose.

Oh, and if you're feeling particularly cruel, maybe state interest in some new 'alternative' beauty ideas. Catfood face masks, fish oil for moisturiser.. 😉

CoraPirbright · 01/05/2019 08:37

I like the idea of telling her that you are fed up with your hair and are going for a serious, extra short crop! She won’t be able to get out of that one if she rushes off the to hairdresser!!

The car on its own is bad enough but after your updates about her standing in your garden, trying to persuade you to ditch your dp so you can be single together, going brunette.......she is seriously barking.

It seems quite common from the anecdotes here too. I have had two experiences in my life like this. One girl at university who would go all guns blazing after any guy I said I liked, so much so that I started to lie saying I liked boy A when actually I liked boy B. Was quite amusing watching her go after these false leads for a while but had to call her out on it In the end. Then we have distant family members who do the same - we are on total lock down as far as they are concerned. They dont know any choices we make as they immediately copy. Really irritating.

Ce7913 · 01/05/2019 08:46

"...I could never fully get rid of her..."

Because you don't want to, or because:

"...She just turns up at my house all the time, walks in without knocking ect. She on occasion even waits in my garden for me to get home from work..."?

Justtheoneplease · 01/05/2019 09:01

I had a friend like this, copied everything i did. Told her i was going to decorate my lounge in a certain colour think lime and pink and go for a tropical holiday vibe......yep she actually did her lounge in those colours. Dh and I did have fun thinking of different things to see how far she would go. Also she did the car thing as well. Have zero contact now.

LimeKiwi · 01/05/2019 09:06

Told her i was going to decorate my lounge in a certain colour think lime and pink and go for a tropical holiday vibe......yep she actually did her lounge in those colours

Grin Ace

Cunninghamsarah · 01/05/2019 09:09

Just as a previous poster said, this is classic narcissistic behaviour. I have a friend like this. It's not nice. I keep her at arms length now.

Jackfruit · 01/05/2019 09:35

Certainly don’t tell her you’re going to try for a baby, or share baby names!