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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That a friend shouldnt do this?

213 replies

IAmNotPatientOrPregnant · 30/04/2019 19:28

So I probably am being unreasonable.

But basically a few days ago, I told my friend I had found the car of my dreams but I couldn't afford it at the moment. She asked me what I wanted and what colour. I told her the colour choice was for a relatively sentimental reason.

She messaged me today to tell me shes bought a new car and us picking it up this evening. The car I told her I wanted, in the same colour.

I'm probably acting spoilt and bitchy but there was a reason behind my colour choice and I absolutely love the car.

What annoys me the most is the car wasnt even at the garage, she specifically went there and asked for that car in that colour.

It's not the first time shes done it, but it's always been with little things, not a bloody car.

She knows I've been feeling down lately and this has just stopped it all off.

OP posts:
MumW · 30/04/2019 21:33

Tell her you're having trouble conceiving and are waiting until you can afford IVF.
Just joking before anyone jumps on me although it would be interesting to see how far she would go in the one upmanship.

Holiday cottage (somewhere you'd like a free digs), expensive piece of hideous jewellery, jet ski, hang glider, 3 month safari (roughing it variety, not luxury), volunteering in Africa building latrines - I'm sure you could have fun coming up with some ideas.

Pretry · 30/04/2019 21:34

I’ve always had to wait weeks to pick up a new car.

Weeks? I’ve always bought one weekend and picked it up the following weekend

I've bought one and driven it home the same day with my private plate on it (I know hangable offense on MN but just to show how easy it is to register stuff these days)

sadkoala · 30/04/2019 21:39

Another one for the "now I see it in the flesh I'm so glad I didn't go for it" brigade.
Take her up on the matching tattoos and make sure she has hers done first, then get up when it's your turn and say you're too much of a wuss and can't go through with it and leave.

Katastrophy · 30/04/2019 21:42

Can you lock the doors to your house so you can't get in. Walking in to my house unannounced would get you slung out on your arse. She is no friend to you OP.

ShowMeTheKittens · 30/04/2019 21:42

wot a COW

CSIblonde · 30/04/2019 21:45

On top of her copying other things, I'd find that very Single White Female creepy & be distancing myself. Very, very fast. There's no point trying to address it with people like that I've found. The denial is always total. (similar work colleague who played the victim card when I got totally exasperated with it).

ThanosSavedMe · 30/04/2019 21:47

I love all the suggestions of the things you should say you really want. You should do some of those.

Baloonphobia · 30/04/2019 21:47

I was going to get that car but it looked like I dodged a bullet.

Spikecity · 30/04/2019 21:49

friend sounds a bit weird if you ask me. I thought at the very least she would bring it up in conversation that she had even intended on buying a new car, least of all the car that you wanted.

HoppityChicken · 30/04/2019 21:50

You're not being unreasonable. Your alarm bells have gone off big time because she's done similar (albeit smaller) things like this before. Now she's gone large. I'd be pissed off, if only because she asked you and then never said anything. There's something deliberate about it. If she'd turned up out of the blue with a her new car which just happened to be the same one you liked and had never mentioned that would be different.

woolduvet · 30/04/2019 21:50

Lock your door
Get a bolt for a garden gate
Text her to say why would you choose the exact same car model and colour I spoke about
And then stop telling her about any of your life choices or preferably stop replying to her.

Honeyroar · 30/04/2019 21:50

"Omg, all that time I've adored this car, yet when you actually see it for real it's not that nice, perhaps it would be better in black after all. I'm glad you bought the red one not me!"

woolduvet · 30/04/2019 21:51

She's only friends with you so that she can be better than you.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 30/04/2019 21:54

"Oh ... that colour isn't at all what I thought it would be. Did you expect it to be so lurid/washed out/murky/weird (delete as applicable)?"

Starlight456 · 30/04/2019 21:54

Omg single white female .

Write a list of all the other things she has done like this there will be more.

Then read it back

EL2019 · 30/04/2019 21:55

I’d go with “”Well DH owes me a posh dinner out. He bet me there was no way I could get you to buy a pink Ford Ka and I said it would be so easy. Enjoy your car!”

LimeKiwi · 30/04/2019 21:56

Orrrrr...... Buy or mention some mad bonkers things and see how far she's willing to take it Grin

As in, mention when you manage to get your car, you' want some fluffy dice in the window.
How you're thinking of taking up gardening and you want an army of garden gnomes.
Etc etc Grin

PlatypusLeague · 30/04/2019 21:56

Very strange and I'd definitely be asking her to explain herself. Is she fully aware of how she comes across? It is hard to make sense of why she'd deliberately behave such in a way which is bound to be very annoying and lose her friends.

TeaForTheWin · 30/04/2019 22:01

Is she fully aware of how she comes across?

Of course she is. Don't assume otherwise, that's what she is counting on. Counting on you to make excuses for her shitty behaviour like 'oh she's just a little insecure' or 'oh she doesn't mean to upset me' 'oh she just wasn't thinking about my feelings' (note: normal people tend to consider other peoples feelings, especially those of their friends so...). Don't make excuses for her, she knows damn fine what she is doing.

Snog · 30/04/2019 22:02

Ask her directly why she bought the exact car you said that you wanted and why she now wants to show it off to you

WhoKnewBeefStew · 30/04/2019 22:05

She sounds like a loon but I’d serious mess with her just a bit until you can fuck her off for good...

With regards to the car, when she turns up in it, go out and fawn over it a bit, but then say it really suits her and you’re glad she got it instead of you, as you and your dh have now decided you much prefer X car and you’d look like a pair of bookends driving the same car. Smile, laugh and leave it there.

Then do the same as jumper-gate but with something particularly mingin and expensive. Or maybe an unusual hair colour, nothing really out there, but if she’s a brunette, maybe say you’re thinking of a pastel pink Grin you don’t have to have balls to say it, just be able to keep a straight face. Also rope your dh into it too

Original poster
IAmNotPatientOrPregnant · 30/04/2019 22:08

I went brunette after being blonde for a couple if years, she went brunette after me 🤣🤣 I think whatever I do she will match it no end. I'm at the point where if I think if something I want in too scared yo do it incase she does to, I want me to be my own person, I dont want this minion me around.

OP posts:
TeaForTheWin · 30/04/2019 22:11

Tell her you're taking up the digeridoo xD

Or that you are planning to take a loooong holiday...to Somalia.... :)

Yeah joking aside, it's really quite sinister though.

Everythingmagnolia · 30/04/2019 22:11

She sounds nuts!

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 30/04/2019 22:15

I bet if you booked a holiday she'd want to come with you so you should say you've booked a nice expensive holiday, make sure she knows the dates and everything then sit back and watch her book. Give her a list of expensive activities you're doing while you're there and only when it's all fully booked and paid for say you've changed your mind but you hope she has a lovely time. Bonus, you get a break from her while she's away!