To want an apology?

[sundaybluecoffee]

This probably sounds like such a juvenile issue but I really feel my DP owes me an apology.

I have OCD so super aware of cleanliness & germs, contamination anxiety takes up most of my day!

I hear DP emptying the bin (fine) and then, without washing his hands, start rummaging in the fridge (he claims to have found a mouldy lemon in there to throw away).

Cue me getting anxious about cross contamination between bin & fridge so I go ask him to wash his hands, he swore at me for about 2 minutes, called me crazy and basically wrote off and disregarded my anxiety.

I know it can be hard to live with someone with OCD & generally mine doesn't interfere with him but for him to stand there and swear at me I just found utterly rude. He's attended therapy with me & knows how OCD works and that sometimes it may seem stupid/irrational to him but is very real to me.

He's said nothing since (did wash his hands though!) and honestly I'm inclined to leave him to it and wait for an apology. I never raise my voice or swear at him, I think it's immature and abusive behaviour.

So, AIBU?

I’m amazed that some people think it’s ok to deal with the bin then start touching food!! This kind of thing makes me super anxious too. My husband has got a terrible habit of preparing food then if anything gets on his fingers, LICKING THEM then carrying on!!! I literally have to bite my tongue to not say anything due to past experiences just like this one! Irrational anxiety or not, people need to be less rank!

That’s disgusting @wildgirl and not comparable.

What do you think he was doing to the bin??

It sounds like he touched the bin liner, then one lemon in the fridge.

I "love" how so many people completely ignored that he made you come off your meds with comments like "they're dumbing you down". But you're the controlling one? He's a saint?

Is he fuck!!

YANBU to want an apology for him swearing and calling you crazy. It's uncalled for.

You do need to keep working on your OCD as you sound exhausted, and it seems you're veering unto unhealthy weight other issues too. It must be so hard to live with.

If it helps..I used to eat stuff off the floor as a child and I'm still here 30 years later.

Oh for goodness sake!

Of course he should have washed his hands after rummaging in the bin and going in the fridge

He didn't rummage in the bin!!!!

He rummaged in the fridge.

Posters do like to put their own spin on it.

It sounds like you are also in the throws of anorexia and your eating disorder is using this contamination as an excuse not to eat.

Honestly, I think you are better off living alone. It sounds like a lot of emotional blackmail happening here, and I say this as someone who spent years in the hospital for anorexia. You are very unhealthy and I hope your GP is watching you closely. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life free from restriction and rituals. I hope you find that freedom.

I get that you have an illness, but some of the things you've posted sound extremely manipulative and I don't know how he puts up with you. He must love you a lot.

It isn't his fault you can't eat. Its not his fault the fridge is 'contaminated'. Your illness is at fault.

YANBU, washing your hands after touching the bin is basic hygiene, and would have taken him 30 seconds. Especially when he knows you'll panic about the contamination, even if it seems irrational to him.

I understand eating disorders and other disorders do make you manipulative. I was anorexic and would lie until I believed it. But it pushes everyone around you away and only makes the problem worse.

I know it's easy to say but when you feel ready to get some help, you really must reach out. It's not healthy to eat so little and having disordered eating. If you have / are planning kids your disorder may become normalised to them which I know you wouldn't want.

I hope you can get there and there are always people who can understand x

The way I’m reading it is; OPs partner was pulling the bin bag out of the kitchen bin, he realised there was a mouldy lemon in the fridge took the lemon out, flung it in the bin bag, then carried on removing the bag from the bin.

So I don’t know why people are saying he emptied the bin, then went in the fridge after or that he was rummaging in the bin then pawing at all the items in the fridge.

He may have suggested you come off your meds, however as a responsible adult you took the decision to come off your meds, and I hope you done this with your consultants approval.

Sometimes people just have enough, I don’t always wash my hands when I empty the bin (contents) as it depends what bin I am emptying, I simply don’t over wash my hands over some illusion of cross contamination fear.

Your OCD is your illness to handle, and you cannot project your illness and how you manage it to others.

Sometimes people do break and get fed up of the situation in hand.

YANBU firstly he has no respect for you and he owes you a big apology secondly OCD or not doing the bins then going into fridge or in fact anywhere without washing your hands is disgusting and dirty.

I am stunned by this thread. It is absolutely rank to go into the fridge after fiddling with the bin without handwashing first. Can't believe anyone is defending this.

It's also unacceptable for the DP here to have verbally abused the OP. She definitely deserves an apology.

Worse though, is the lack of understanding for OPs condition. OCD is not being fussy, it's an illness that is very hard to control and can have a terrible impact on a sufferer's life. Yet OP is being criticised and her partner given sympathy. Shocking.

smells why shouldn’t people sympathise with her partner? It must be hell to live with and posters who have been in his position have posted their experiences.

He may have suggested you come off your meds, however as a responsible adult you took the decision to come off your meds, and I hope you done this with your consultants approval.

The GP was reluctant and OP said she felt pressured by the boyfriend and did it to get him to stop mentioning it.

The wee love that he is.

Yanbu. Basic hygiene to wash hands after emptying bin and going to put it into the dustbin. And definitely before touching any food. Also disappointed by the lack of understanding on this post. It's not like you chose to have OCD. Yes it's hard for him, but a thousand times harder for you. Definitely no need to swear at you for telling him to wash his hands. He owes you an apology. Regardless of your OCD, he should wash his hands in those circumstances and shouldn't swear at you about it.

I don’t think he did take it out to the main bin, did he? Just picked it up by the plastic.

I had ocd and germaphobia in my teens. If it had been me I think I would have just got a debtol wipe and washed the handle of the fridge. I might have mentioned to him about it in a 'agh now I have to do this!' kind of way but in a way that showed it was my issue, not his.

To be fair though ocd can be so wearing! And he really should have known to wash his hands first so I can't blame you for a 'wash your hands after being in the bin mate ffs!' comment. And him having a melt down at you for something like that is overkill on his part.

Does he owe you an apology...hmm...I wasn't there so I can't be sure. Some couples can write the odd sweary argument off without that. It sounds like he feels you gave as good as you got so...I'd be inclined to let it slide. But in future a 'do not talk to me like that' - and immediately leaving the room - if it every goes that way again might show that you are not willing to tolerate it. And having some debtol wipes on hand might prevent the whole affair entirely.

For me when I empty a bin I touch the side handles, uplift the waste bag and tie the ties, or I put more waste in the bin, absolutely no fiddling or rummaging.

There is absolutely no difference to me touching the bag to me touching a 5p plastic bag!

I wouldn’t wash my hands before unloading my grocery shopping.

Emptying your waste bin, unless you keep a nasty house/bin then it does not automatically mean you need to wash your hands.

So the he’s disgusting/vile/nasty comments truly say more about you than it does him.

Bin and fridges aside, OP if your partner is 1) swearing and shouting at you 2) pressuring you to come off meds and 3) totally unsympathetic to your issues then ask yourself if he is actually part of the problem.

He wasn't unreasonable to not wash his hands, but he is a poor partner to become defensive when you are triggered.

I wonder if you'd recover a great deal faster if this knight in shitty armour wasn't in your life.

Butchy, again she went against medical advice, and again she is response for her own health. Ultimately she may have felt pressured, but in the end she is responsible for her illness, pressure or no pressure.

And yes I have been heavily pressured into things, however I choose not to do them, as it was not in MY best intreasted.

Personally OP going by your posts you need to seek medical help as soon as you possible can. Your illness is spiralling and you need to get it under control.

Butchy, again she went against medical advice, and again she is response for her own health. Ultimately she may have felt pressured, but in the end she is responsible for her illness, pressure or no pressure

Of course she is. And more fool her, frankly. She’s said she won’t be doing that again.

But what kind of loving partner would pressure his girlfriend, who is struggling with mental health issues, to come off her medication against medical advice?

He shouldn't have sworn at you.

Emptying the bin and then going to get a mouldy lemon out the fridge is not an issue though. Unless your DH was actually touching manky bits of rubbish, there was no need to wash his hands in between, it would be total overkill.

I haven’t said he’s a loving partner? I have said sometimes people can break, and just have enough, especially more so with illnesses like the OP’s.

It’s so difficult because OCD sufferers usually have rules and they can be suffocating. They come across as demanding, persnickety and lacking in self awareness. My sister has OCD and it’s caused massive issues in our relationship as she also lies to cover up her OCD.

It’s absolutely no wonder so many women are in abusive relationships when you see how many of you are willing to normalise a man swearing at his partner for two minutes.

Some of you are raising sons who think it’s ok to be bullies and daughters who think you just have to accept that, and it’s tragic.