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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH elder son should not be sleeping in his mums bed everynight?

308 replies

babybelqueen · 30/04/2019 12:49

My DH had a previous relationship , and has a lovely son who is 10 years old.. will be going into secondary school next year. He is bright, clever funny and just does what normal kids do. We get on really well.

Anyway, my DH and his ex only speak purely for the sake of their son which I understand ( I never get involved in any conversation as it is not my place , he is their child and that is that )

BUT me and DH are starting to become concerned about the fact that he is openly honest about sleeping in his mums bed every night -

I have an 18 month old, so I have no idea whether this is normal or not? The only thing I can link it to, is because maybe of his parents splitting when he was young and now he sometimes feels insecure?

But also when he comes and stops with us, he is more than happy to sleep alone in his own room.

I just don't want him to go to secondary school and get picked on because of it, and neither does his Dad.

What are your thoughts, is this normal ?

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 30/04/2019 12:51

My 13yo son sometimes sleeps with me or dh (we don't share a bed due to snoring) abs my kids take it in turns. I have a 10yo ds too. All my kids love sleeping with us or someone. They can sleep alone too but just prefer company. I'm sure he'll grow out of it on his own. No one in school needs to know.

MerryMarigold · 30/04/2019 12:52

Also, no it's not normal as in most kids don't do this. But it's not inappropriate or wrong either.

Original poster
babybelqueen · 30/04/2019 12:53

Ok - thank you the answer :) I am sure that I can re-assure my DH that I guess it is normal.

OP posts:
mistygrl · 30/04/2019 12:55

My ten year old son sometimes sleeps in my bed. Mainly because we watch tv in my bed and we both fall asleep. No biggie imo. In many countries, the whole family sleeps in the same room 🤷🏻‍♀️

CIT80 · 30/04/2019 12:55

Nothing wrong at all in that !

Drogosnextwife · 30/04/2019 12:55

Both my DS 10 and 5 sleep in with me when their dad works away, we go to bed early, watch something on TV or read a story and they go to sleep. How on earth will his friends find out if no one from home tells them?

ZaZathecat · 30/04/2019 12:55

I think it's normal too, although not something kids are likely to admit to each other! My DC loved to share my bed until around puberty time, when they stopped wanting to. My dd used to say 'how come you and dad are big, and you get to sleep together, but I'm only small and have to sleep on my own?'

barberstreisand · 30/04/2019 12:55

Lots of kids don’t do this but lots do too, I slept in the same bed as my mum for years, and did it regularly even when I was about 16. I still would now.

HoozTurnIsIT · 30/04/2019 12:56

It's not common but it's perfectly okay.
One of mine used to sleep with me all the time up to about 8 years old and occasionally up to 10/11. Stopped before puberty.
I miss those days.

Teddybear45 · 30/04/2019 12:57

At 10 he’s still very much a child and has two parents who don’t get on with each other and may even have new families of their own. Of course he’s insecure.

Siennabear · 30/04/2019 12:58

Nothing wrong with it at all. Perhaps it makes him feel safe and secure? Some people sleep better next to someone else. I can’t imagine he’ll be doing it much longer in any case.

clairemcnam · 30/04/2019 12:59

OP I don't know anyone who does this, so I suspect it is more common in better off families?
I would have thought by puberty he will want to sleep in his own bed though. As long as he has a bed he can sleep in alone and has the choice to sleep there, then its fine.

Jackiebrambles · 30/04/2019 12:59

I imagine this is very normal for a 10 year old whose parents have split up and probably only just tolerate each other! That's quite a lot of upheaval / upset for a child.

I know 10 year old in very happy families who need help/comfort getting to sleep some nights.

Persimmonn · 30/04/2019 13:01

Why would he get picked on in school unless he shouts it from the rooftops?! What do you think is wrong with a 10 year old boy sleeping next to his mum? I used to enjoy sleeping next to my mum up until the age of about 12 when I hit puberty and then I wanted to be alone like every other moody pre teen.

Original poster
babybelqueen · 30/04/2019 13:01

I guess you are right - I did link it to the split and insecurity. I really feel for him, my parents split when I was 17 and that was hard enough at that age, so I can imagine it being really tough on younger kids

OP posts:
Original poster
babybelqueen · 30/04/2019 13:02

Persimmonn - I never said it was wrong, I said I wasn't sure, so I was just asking for opinions

OP posts:
GPatz · 30/04/2019 13:04

Nice bond he has there with his Mother.

MullofKintire · 30/04/2019 13:09

Both my sons used to get into bed with me when their dad was away until they were about 12. I was quite sad when it stopped.

The boy probably feels safer with his mother. Millions of years of evolution underpin young mammals wanting to sleep with a protector figure. He will stop once adolescence starts.

cliquewhyohwhy · 30/04/2019 13:10

I have two sons 6&7 and they never share my bed. Only the odd time when ill. If he is sharing her bed every night then yeah it is wrong. If his friends found out I'm sure they would unfortunately make fun of him.

SouthWestmom · 30/04/2019 13:12

My son loves this (11) and I hate it - if he could he would sneak in every night. When dh goes away I know I'll get the 'I'm just going to have a little rest next to you'....

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2019 13:12

My (perfectly fine, outgoing, non clingy) 10 year old boy looks forward to Daddy working away as he gets to sleep in my bed with me.
We watch TV and he stays up later than usual and I love it. It’s a very big bed though so loads of room

barberstreisand · 30/04/2019 13:13

@cliquewhyohwhy what’s wrong with a child sharing a bed with their mother?

Anyonebut · 30/04/2019 13:18

I would consider this a problem only if he is dependent on his mother being there at sleeping time. If he can sleep without her and is not avoiding activities because of the this sleeping arrangement I wouldn't worry about it.

dinostwothreemore · 30/04/2019 13:21

I don't think you need to be worried about bullying, how would other kids even know?

I don't think it's weird to be honest. But then again I remember waking up literally in between my parents at the age of 21. I'd walked home in the snow extremely drunk and they were worried about me Grin

Why does it bother you? If they're happy it's got nothing to do with anyone else.

Teddybear45 · 30/04/2019 13:22

@cliquewhyohwhy - do your kids come from a broken home? If yes maybe they sleep in their other parent’s bed and don’t tell you. If no, then it’s not the same.

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