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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In saying they can't stay tonight?

231 replies

pinkgloves · 29/04/2019 15:14

A friend of dh and mine's asked to stay one night this week. Said they'd be coming on their own (they have two young dc) and possibly Monday but more likely later in the week.

I said 'sure, but give me a day or so's notice as we're planning on going away for a night.'

They messaged at 9am this morning saying they were coming this afternoon with their two dc also.

I don't have a room made up for them (in the process of swapping winter to summer gear so there's stuff everywhere and it's a few hours work to get it ready plus the house is a mess and needs a couple of days to clean before I want people staying!)

So I said we had plans for tonight now, tomorrow or Thursday would be fine.

DH is all stroppy because he thinks I've been rude. Friend sent a stroppy message saying he's now got to rejuggle plans as they were all set to come tonight.

I'm suffering from a particularly bad bout of anxiety and OCD at the moment so would like opinions on whether I've been unreasonable as I know my judgement can be clouded.

I don't do well with last minute plans which I why i asked for a day or so's heads up! I know that's not their problem though.

OP posts:
Beachbodynowayready · 29/04/2019 15:17

Unless you are a B&B they are Cfers.

acomingin · 29/04/2019 15:19

No need for him to stay at all. Send him the number of a hotel.

DPotter · 29/04/2019 15:20

YANBU
It's totally fine to say no to a request for friend to stay at yours - whatever the reason, especially with such a vague request.
Neither DH or your friend are being reasonable by being stroppy. Your friend should have been more specific.

Try not to give it any more thought; dwelling on it will just make it feel a larger issue than it is

Xyzzzzz · 29/04/2019 15:20

You are not being unreasonable. He sounds like a CF.

You asked for notice and he didn’t give it. How rude of them.

AlexaAmbidextra · 29/04/2019 15:20

Friend sent a stroppy message saying he's now got to rejuggle plans as they were all set to come tonight.

Well I’m afraid my response to this would have been ‘fuck off and don’t come at all then.’

What a bloody cheek.

llangennith · 29/04/2019 15:23

They're being disrespectful and plain rude. You asked for notice and they didn't give you any.

LumpyPillow · 29/04/2019 15:26

You're not unreasonable. This person is only thinking of themselves.

Troels · 29/04/2019 15:27

YANBU they are Cfers.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/04/2019 15:28

Was DH going to be the one making up the room and getting the house ready? If so YABU......I suspect this may not be the case though

EL8888 · 29/04/2019 15:28

They are rude, not you. They need to work on their communication skills and thoughtfulness. This isn’t what was agreed!

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2019 15:28

You're not a hotel, fgs. They are being incredibly rude.

Original poster
pinkgloves · 29/04/2019 15:28

There are no hotels where we live. He's coming to pick something up that he bought locally.

It's a bloody nightmare, when I said he could stay I wasn't factoring his kids in. The older one (7) is lovely but the younger one is a terror. I'm going to have to put all breakables (lamps, ornaments, ds's more fragile toys) away as he utterly trashed our house last time he came and that was with Mum who at least did a little parenting. His Dad will do nothing and I'll end up watching all three of them and trying to stop him attacking ds. Sad I'm hoping he's chilled out a little since the last time we saw them!

OP posts:
EL8888 · 29/04/2019 15:28

@AryaStarkWolf good question. I was wondering how involved in preparations he would be

Seniorschoolmum · 29/04/2019 15:30

They are your friends. He didn’t give much notice so pass him the clean duvet cover & the hoover, while you heat up a pizza and make a salad.

Original poster
pinkgloves · 29/04/2019 15:30

DH totally would have helped make up the room etc but he's got a couple of days of long hours at work that he's just had sprung on him.

I'm annoyed now. At least that's better than anxiously feeling like I've been rude. Grin

OP posts:
Baylis · 29/04/2019 15:33

Nope YANBU. You asked them to give you notice and they didn't. Also they are now bringing their children with them which wasn't part of the original plan.

As for him sending a message moaning to your DH, I'd be telling him not to bother coming at all and to get a hotel!

AryaStarkWolf · 29/04/2019 15:33

At least that's better than anxiously feeling like I've been rude.

This is what Cheeky fuckers rely on.........

ChuckleBuckles · 29/04/2019 15:36

YANBU you agreed to one set of circumstances (alone, no kids along and later in the week) and now he springs today with both kids, just no.

What are the odds that you end up caring for both his DC and yours while he and your DH "catch up". I would not give him another thought, let them all stay in a hotel or B&B.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 29/04/2019 15:36

Why is DH stroppy - I'm guessing they are more his friends than yours?

Sod your DH "helping" to make up the room - ff you're the one going to be doing most of the work involved i.e watching the kids, de-trashing the place afterwards etc then your DH has no right to be off with you.

SleepWarrior · 29/04/2019 15:38

That is annoying. I'd reply something like

"Certainly haven't intended to make things difficult for you and force you to rejiggle... But we were expecting a couple of days notice and for there to be no kids. Suddenly coming tonight WITH the kids puts us on the spot somewhat and just doesn't work! Whichever other day that you can come by yourself works fine for us so just let us know. Looking forward to seeing you Smile"

Keep it friendly but don't be forced into accepting the kids if you don't want when you are doing him a favour.

Eliza9919 · 29/04/2019 15:40

Friend sent a stroppy message saying he's now got to rejuggle plans as they were all set to come tonight.

The cheeky bastard should have let you know earlier then, shouldn't he. He wouldn't be staying at my house tonight.

Drum2018 · 29/04/2019 15:40

They wouldn't be staying with me at all. He asked for himself and is now bringing the kids? Tell him you don't have space for them all or better still tell your Dh to deal with it. If he does insist that they stay, let him make up the beds, cook and clean up after them and entertain the kids. You need to read The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck - it will help you say no to these cf requests straight away from now on.

RavenLG · 29/04/2019 15:41

Friend sent a stroppy message saying he's now got to rejuggle plans as they were all set to come tonight.

“Dear CF friend,

You may have been set to come but we we’re not. We asked for a few days notice so we could get the room ready for you. Also if you’re bring the kids we need to put the breakables away so your little hellspawn one doesn't destroy things like last time. Sorry we couldn’t accommodate this trip. See you in a few weeks”

Don’t let him stay the cheeky twat.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/04/2019 15:45

How rude of him to invite his children when he said they weren’t coming. And on the day with no warning. I imagine mummy wants a break so he figured he’d palm them off on you. Cheeky fucker.

ddl1 · 29/04/2019 15:48

Either they totally misunderstood what you said, and heard only the 'yes' and not 'I need at least a day's notice', or they are CFs. You are not a hotel, and even a hotel might be booked up at such short notice! To expect to just be able to come at a few hour's notice, especially when it's a family and not just one person, is unreasonable of them.