In saying they can't stay tonight?

[pinkgloves]

A friend of dh and mine's asked to stay one night this week. Said they'd be coming on their own (they have two young dc) and possibly Monday but more likely later in the week.

I said 'sure, but give me a day or so's notice as we're planning on going away for a night.'

They messaged at 9am this morning saying they were coming this afternoon with their two dc also.

I don't have a room made up for them (in the process of swapping winter to summer gear so there's stuff everywhere and it's a few hours work to get it ready plus the house is a mess and needs a couple of days to clean before I want people staying!)

So I said we had plans for tonight now, tomorrow or Thursday would be fine.

DH is all stroppy because he thinks I've been rude. Friend sent a stroppy message saying he's now got to rejuggle plans as they were all set to come tonight.

I'm suffering from a particularly bad bout of anxiety and OCD at the moment so would like opinions on whether I've been unreasonable as I know my judgement can be clouded.

I don't do well with last minute plans which I why i asked for a day or so's heads up! I know that's not their problem though.

YA most definitely NBU! Tell the friend to find a nice B&B and your husband can treat them!

"They've just started potty training today apparently."

"NOT IN MY BLOODY HOUSE HE ISN'T!"

I can't get over you cleaning up the wee. Why didn't the kid's Dad do it?

Okay, WHAT?!?!?!

You, lady, need to pull up your bra, remember you've got those big balls strapped to your chest and Set Some Boundaries!!!

• NO potty training in your house.

• Whoever's kids makes the mess, they clean it up, PRONTO.

• Children need to be supervised at all times

• Hosting mama goes and stays with a friend for the night at short notice and when she returns her house will be CLEAN AND TIDY AS THEY FOUND IT.

• Husband gets a glare as you walk out of the door and woe betide if he's an arse abut you leaving him to host HIS CF arse of a friend.

Draw some boundaries. No wonder you have anxiety my lovely, your husband is a dick and his mates are no better. Xxx

I hope you have gone away on your own by now op. I also think you should flag their behaviour to the social system, those poor children.

Just wanted to add that you definitely were NOT being unreasonable. And I think you were bloody saintly to still let him come despite changing it to 3 of them and still only telling you on the day!!

By the way - why do there seem to be a lot of commenters saying that she should have accommodated him? Since when is it acceptable to quite literally invite yourself to come and stop at a friend’s house? And then get stroppy when you haven’t given any notice and get told it’s not convenient that day? If OP had invited them to come and stop one day that week, it might have been different - but she didn’t!

My jaw dropped when I read that he told you they’d just started potty training ghat day. That’s ridiculous. Even if they’d started a few days ago, he should have left that child at home with his partner. You don’t take an early stages potty training child on an unnecessary trip to a friend’s house that’s a REALLY long journey away.

What is the law over there regarding car seats? You say the old child didn’t even have a booster seat - which means they travelled the whole way to you without one. How confident are you that the younger kid was strapped into his seat all the way to yours, if his dad didn’t bother strapping him in to go for your picnic? If you have child seat laws, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from saying something when you went to the island. Even without laws, I think I’d have said something and I hate confrontation)! I agree with other posters about reporting him. You say CPS are already involved - they need to know about these extra things too. Your DH’s friend is completely clueless about looking after children. What is their mother like? You said last time she did do a bit of parenting! Would it be worth messaging her and telling her about him now using the car seat properly?

I’m presuming they’ve all left now and you’re on your fundraising weekend. I hope it goes well!