In saying they can't stay tonight?

[pinkgloves]

A friend of dh and mine's asked to stay one night this week. Said they'd be coming on their own (they have two young dc) and possibly Monday but more likely later in the week.

I said 'sure, but give me a day or so's notice as we're planning on going away for a night.'

They messaged at 9am this morning saying they were coming this afternoon with their two dc also.

I don't have a room made up for them (in the process of swapping winter to summer gear so there's stuff everywhere and it's a few hours work to get it ready plus the house is a mess and needs a couple of days to clean before I want people staying!)

So I said we had plans for tonight now, tomorrow or Thursday would be fine.

DH is all stroppy because he thinks I've been rude. Friend sent a stroppy message saying he's now got to rejuggle plans as they were all set to come tonight.

I'm suffering from a particularly bad bout of anxiety and OCD at the moment so would like opinions on whether I've been unreasonable as I know my judgement can be clouded.

I don't do well with last minute plans which I why i asked for a day or so's heads up! I know that's not their problem though.

Good idea and make sure he creaks open his wallet. Hopefully the kids will either fall asleep in the car on the way and / or want to bed. Maybe if you go for a walk before dinner that would help. However if he’s been driving a lot he may not be up for that.

Is there anywhere you could take the kids to stop devastation and at the same time lay down the ground rules?

Your friend is a CF and your DH is a spineless twat! Wouldn’t have that lot in my home.

Would it be rude to suggest we all go out for dinner?

Not in the least. Anything that works for you is fine. And tell your husband to back you up. Your visitors should offer to pay for everyone (and you should accept) and if they don't that is the last time you ever have to host them.

It's a great idea, car seats are a legal solution to tying kids up .

Of course it's not rude to go out to dinner! And make sure they either pay for all of it, or pay for themselves. DO NOT PAY FOR THEM! You're already doing them a massive favour letting them stay when it's not really convenient, plus your DH is losing half a day's pay.

Why on earth didn't you tell them about the speakers? For fuck's sake, you and DH need to be more assertive. Being assertive is not being rude. They are the rude ones, so get worrying about whether YOU are being rude, right out of your head!

If the kid plays up, tell him off, and ask them to keep him under control, or they'll have to drive right back home tonight. Do not take it upon yourself to do the childcare, while DH and his mate ignore the kids. Make yourself scarce doing stuff upstairs or something.

Actually dinner probably won't work as we're a bit skint atm. DH has come up with the amazing idea of taking them to a deserted island for a picnic.

He can do his unparenting there and the kids can run themselves until they're knackered. Come home and fall asleep, no dinner to make and tidy up and minimal house trashing. Is how it's going in my mind.

I hope you can call him out on his unparenting if his son goes awol.

That’s just not on.

Hope it goes well xx

They did not pay for the damage. I don't think they knew it had happened.

WTF? My DH would have gone apeshit. He loves his posh speakers. 😱
Is your DH a bit scared of this friend?

Sounds like a plan, hope the weather is good enough.

I wonder if your DH hadn’t texted him when he was planning on letting you know he was turning up tonight!

I’d be furious with both of them. Your DH needs to sort the room, supervise the kids, cook and tidy up. I’d just go out. Such a cheek bringing his kids uninvited with no notice.

What a total CF. Seething for you OP.

I wonder if your DH hadn’t texted him when he was planning on letting you know he was turning up tonight!

I bet he would have text just before or turned up.

I really don't want to go with them on the picnic but I just don't trust dh with ds enough to let them go on their own.

You've been treated abominably OP. You have been more than patient with this selfishness, even before they arrive. Never let them come again.

You don't trust your DH with your DS? Is that your OCD talking? I'd say just let them go but that might make you even more anxious.

How embarrassing that a grown man can't look after his child sufficiently.

Same goes for your DH's mate.

OP, I hope your friends aren't on MN

It would be pretty easy to recognise themselves from the detail in your posts

Actually dinner probably won't work as we're a bit skint atm.

He should be buying you dinner!

@BoldMeDontAtMe @SunshineCake oh no I do!

But in this case DH will be driving a boat and it's hard to do that and keep an eye on DS at the same time. I wouldn't trust anyone to do that, he's still at an age where there needs to be a separate adult to watch the kids. Obviously I don't trust friend with all 3!

@justmyview I'm certain they aren't. I will be name changing after this as I realise it's pretty outing though although I think quite a few from real life already knew who I was on here from my posts.

Have they turned up OP? Is it wrong to ask for live updates?

The island sounds perfect. Just crash and sleep at your house and your ds will probably have a lovely time too. Good luck!

@SleepWarrior thank you!

@ByeClaire not yet. They're trying to make a 3 o clock boat. (We're a few hours behind.) Will update when I can. Don't want to look too much like a sulky teenager on their phone.

Now the fucking Hoover has broken.

The universe is trying tell you that you shouldn't be hoovering for these people. See, the universe agrees with MN!

I'm so mad with DH. He's spent a fortune on food and we've got mortgage and car payments this week we now can't make one of them!

He's really not calming my mood one bit the arsehole.