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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In saying they can't stay tonight?

231 replies

pinkgloves · 29/04/2019 15:14

A friend of dh and mine's asked to stay one night this week. Said they'd be coming on their own (they have two young dc) and possibly Monday but more likely later in the week.

I said 'sure, but give me a day or so's notice as we're planning on going away for a night.'

They messaged at 9am this morning saying they were coming this afternoon with their two dc also.

I don't have a room made up for them (in the process of swapping winter to summer gear so there's stuff everywhere and it's a few hours work to get it ready plus the house is a mess and needs a couple of days to clean before I want people staying!)

So I said we had plans for tonight now, tomorrow or Thursday would be fine.

DH is all stroppy because he thinks I've been rude. Friend sent a stroppy message saying he's now got to rejuggle plans as they were all set to come tonight.

I'm suffering from a particularly bad bout of anxiety and OCD at the moment so would like opinions on whether I've been unreasonable as I know my judgement can be clouded.

I don't do well with last minute plans which I why i asked for a day or so's heads up! I know that's not their problem though.

OP posts:
Acis · 29/04/2019 22:28

Get your DH to text again saying if you don't hear within, say, an hour you will assume he's not coming and he won't reschedule the meeting.

MumW · 29/04/2019 22:51

He probably doesn't think he's being cheeky, he's a lovely guy but an odd duck. He's super super intelligent (him and his wife both have tenure lecturing at Ivy League universities, have lots of friends in NASA, government etc)
Super super intelligent usually often translates to not relating to the 'normal'/real world.

Bluewall · 30/04/2019 12:34

Did he text you today ?

Theoldwoman · 30/04/2019 12:42

I think guests are just grateful for a bed for the night and a catch up. I would have worked around it for them.

Put yourself in their shoes.

Famalamaringwrong · 30/04/2019 12:51

Jeez where do you live. All sounds weird and he sounds like an absolute nut case. I wouldn't even continue to be friends with these child neglecting weirdos let alone have them to stay.

Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 13:43

@Theoldwoman as I've said a few times, there was literally nowhere for them to sleep. The spare room is full of winter gear that DH needs to put in the attic.

OP posts:
AudacityOfHope · 30/04/2019 13:47

I think you're both being a bit difficult.

I mean, he was stupid for not giving you notice but you could have said 'oh, that's not a lot of notice so you'll have to take us as you find us'.

That's what actual friends would do.

Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:01

@AudacityOfHope OMG. There was nowhere for them to sleep!! I don't know how many times I have to say the same thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:02

And did people miss the part where I said I suffer from severe anxiety and have OCD? Hmm

OP posts:
ctrlalt · 30/04/2019 14:02

People just love being obtuse op. Ignore them.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 30/04/2019 14:05

I'm impressed that you can fill a room with your winter gear - I take it you're somewhere where winter is a full-on experience?

YANBU, btw.

BumbleBeee69 · 30/04/2019 14:11

I'm impressed that you can fill a room with your winter gear - I take it you're somewhere where winter is a full-on experience?

I live in Scotland, it's winter all year and yes you can easily fill more than one room with Winter clothing jackets boots etc.

AudacityOfHope · 30/04/2019 14:14

OMG sorry for missing a few comments and giving my opinion, which was surely why you came on here in the first place? Hmm

Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:14

@WeepingWillowWeepingWino yes we have a ton of winter stuff. Snow shoes, cross country skis, downhill skis, huge down jackets, massive snow boots, snow pants and snow suits. 5 million hats, scarves and gloves. We need a bloody extension to fit it in as ds gets older!

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:15

It's like a military operation swapping the winter to summer stuff over!

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:16

Sorry @AudacityOfHope. I've jut answered the 'there's nowhere to sleep' comment a few times. Shouldn't have snapped at you.

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 30/04/2019 14:19

Our spare beds are currently covered in winter gear - as I get ready to move it to the storage unit for summer. I would also need notice of any guest arriving for the night - and I live in the suburbs of a major city (but WOH as does DH, and DD is out at school until 6pm daily as well).

If you are someone who does get out into the weather at all, you could easily have a room full of gear for a family.

Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:20

@BiddyPop why didn't I think of a storage unit?!!!

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 30/04/2019 14:24

"a day or so" is a bit vague for some people. I bet they thought that letting you know in the morning was "a day".

You should have said "Let me know the day before"

Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:30

@HennyPennyHorror true! But the whole bring the kids thing after saying it was just him changes it massively too.

OP posts:
Mitzimaybe · 30/04/2019 14:30

Tell DH that his friend can't come until he has put all the winter stuff in the loft. Honestly, it's not that difficult. The ball is in your DH's court - either he does what is necessary to facilitate this visit or the visit doesn't happen. Are you scared of your DH or what?

Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:33

DH messaged him late last night and asked if he knew when he was coming. He texted back this morning 'today! Leaving soon!'

OP posts:
Lweji · 30/04/2019 14:34

That's it? This morning? No mention of how many people?
What have you replied?

Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 14:35

@Mitzimaybe not at all. He's putting it up this morning. Pretty fucking annoyed as he's taking the morning off work to do it (we don't get paid when we don't work.)

Non weekend visits are now off limits lol! Getting DS to school when there are two kids here is going to be fun in the morning. Angry

OP posts:
Beachbodynowayready · 30/04/2019 14:35

A storage unit is a fab idea...
Tell your guests you hope they enjoy it!!