To get cross every time I see a woman say her husband doesn't do any night feeds because "he works"?

[TeenTitans]

I'm in a few mum groups online and I keep seeing this and it's driving me mad. Women who's husband's never do any night feeds because they work and women who think that's perfectly okay. Erm do you not think looking after the kids all day is work? My response is always "so do you!" when I see it. My partner has always helped with the nights because they're his kids as well and it's just as much his job as mine.

I'm not complaining about couples divvying up the work as they wish but the justification. YOU ALSO WORK.

My husband is a nuclear physicist in charge of operating a nuclear reactor. He really does need his sleep more than me.

I used to do the night feeds during the week when Dh worked out of the home. My 'job's was the baby, and yes, I could and did and did during the day

Being at home all day with kids is not 'work' where you have to have full concentration and you can't be a bit tired and sit in your PJs and watch Paw Patrol and not be bothered today. I've done both and being at home with kids is much less effort than be

I did virtually all night feeds...I napped during the day and even if I didn't, I had the option to sit in my pjs on the sofa.

Apart from it not being any of your business how other people function it is also one of those sayings that people generally understand to mean ‘going out to work’ which may or may not be harder than staying at home with the children but certainly has more time constraints and rules etc than staying at home does. You know this. No idea why you get so worked up about it.

..being at home all day

Babies nap which can provide an opportunity to catch up, whereas most jobs don't allow this.

Sorry but I thibk YABU. If at home you can stay in all day. School runs are hardly hard. I found it so easy being home compared to working. If out at work you need your sleep as you could loose your job if mistakes made.

My DH had to drive for his job. Rather he do that after sleeping. Plus which, I'm the one with breasts.

My husband had a long drive to work when our oldest was a baby. He nearly fell asleep several times at the wheel. Looking after them is work but it isn’t the same thing. Being partners doesn’t need to mean divvying up everything exactly. He did stuff, I did stuff.

Hmmm...
When I bottle fed DH did help a bit, but in all honesty I napped when baby napped, he didn't have that freedom at work.

My husband doesn’t. He drives all over the country for work and I’m conscious I don’t want him driving 300 miles in a day if he’s tired. Yes looking after the baby is work, but it doesn’t require the same level of concentration. He helps at weekends and will do the last evening feed so I can head to bed earlier. But I don’t expect him to get up.

Yeah. Unskilled work. My husband runs a law firm and practices law. If he screws up because he’s tired people will loose their jobs, loose their lawyers mid legal battle, client could loose livelihoods, businesses, they might go bankrupt, end up in litigaton etc. If I was tired while SAHing the worst that would happen was DC would watch a bit if tv.

My mat leave has just ended and I miss it. Work is work. Home is not.

I’m afraid I’m with Primrose on this one.
My husbands work also requires him to be alert and on the ball.
Yes, looking after kids is work too, but I look at it that it’s a job without defined hours

Here's one that will really get you.

I do all the night feeds and work 🤷🏻‍♀️ DP is lacking the necessary equipment

I get worked up about it because it's another example of inequality. Women expected to do all the night feeds while men can go back to work, have adult company and enjoy a full 8 hours sleep while women have to spend their day covered in puke with screaming kids and don't even get the luxury of sleep at the end of it... they're his kids too.

And I am EBF too. So can express a bottle but if I skipped a feed during the night they’d probably just leak anyway. They’d certainly be sore.

My DH didn’t do night feeds as I BF, but he used to get up to do some winding etc, just to be part of it.

I wouldn’t consider being on maternity leave work in the same way paid work is. I can / could rest during the day and didn’t have to have intelligent conversations and Make meaningful contributions to the workplace the next day. It’s incredibly hard when you’re exhausted

Also as I breastfed he literally couldn’t do them

@JeremyCorbynsCoat

You are a hero. I’m not being sarcastic. I admire your strength!

Sleeping when the baby sleeps doesn't work if you have to take medications which affect sleep which many women do nor if you have multiple children.

Same as @formerbabe here.

We have a really equal, modern relationship but being at work all day for my dh - surrounded by difficult people, on time limits and needing to be firing on all cylinders - is much more demanding than me being at home, able to pick and choose how much I do housework etc depending on how I feel. And managing to squeeze a snooze on the sofa in around a baby if I really needed it.

He would share night feeds at the weekend and would stay up late with ds when I went to bed early so I could get a good stretch of sleep.

Ds is now 7 and we survived the baby years relatively happily. It worked for us.

While on mat leave I do nights as the days aren't particularly intense with one baby and mental sharpness isn't required for changing nappies. Plus I am bf so night feeds have to be my territory. However, we have always shared evenings.

When I'm back at work all wakings are strictly alternated.

I get what you're saying, but I'd rather get up a few times a night to quickly breastfeed my baby rather than bothering with expressing and storing breast milk so that DP can get up in the night go downstairs and wait for it to heat up in anticipation of DD waking up/whilst she's crying.