To get cross every time I see a woman say her husband doesn't do any night feeds because "he works"?

[TeenTitans]

I'm in a few mum groups online and I keep seeing this and it's driving me mad. Women who's husband's never do any night feeds because they work and women who think that's perfectly okay. Erm do you not think looking after the kids all day is work? My response is always "so do you!" when I see it. My partner has always helped with the nights because they're his kids as well and it's just as much his job as mine.

I'm not complaining about couples divvying up the work as they wish but the justification. YOU ALSO WORK.

I’m lucky as my DP and I took it in turns

My DP does not do nights but I am still lucky.

@LyraLieIn nope in 13 months i have no been able to catch up on sleep while my baby has a nap - too many other things to do.

I breastfeed so hubby hasn’t been able to help out yet all he does is moan, yet he’s the one getting a good nights sleep! 😡

I’ve just gone back to work and I would much rather be off with the baby! I would say it’s hard work but i don’t find it as full on as my job!

Not only did dh not do any night feeds (bottlefed baby) he even slept in the spare room for the first four months so he wasn't disturbed at all. It was fine. He doesn't function well unless he gets eight hours and I don't need much sleep.

yeah we know how lucky you are @crispysausagerolls

you’ve plastered your smugness all over this chuffin’ thread, I can’t cope anymore

'op has repeatedly said she is talking about couples where the justification for mum doing all night wakings is dad has to go to work'

Yes but what about her doing all the cooking cleaning and 'suit preparation'? Do you not agree she is amusingly selective about what stereotypes she disapproves of?

HenSolo

It's relevant though. Because the ideas are related. One of the main reasons people cite for not breastfeeding for any length of time is "so dad can share the night feeds". Which again is fine if that's how people want to arrange matters, but also bases on two assumptions, firstly that the only way for mum to get enough sleep is if dad can take some night feeds (not necessarily true), and secondly that it is so very necessary for parenting to be "fair" in a very rigid way (half each of everything outside of working hours) instead of what is actually a convenient overall compromise for all parties. It's a blunt instrument. And it's all part of th denaturing of mothering infants that causes a lot of the tiredness in the first place! The fact we often live in isolated nuclear family units with limited support networks, the fact bed sharing is so frowned upon, the fact mothers on mat leave feel obliged to get so much done in a day rather than focus on their baby, the financialpressure on women to return to work before they might want to, the social pressure on women to " get their lives back", "get their bodies back", to be "interesting" and not a "baby bore" because there's nothing worse than actually enjoying the bovine martyrdom that is intensive mothering.... All of this contributes to our particularly poor levels of bf in this country. Countries where women are accorded a lot more respect and a lot less pressure of all these types have higher rates, because they are not battered with this bullshit contradictory messaging all the time.

Freeing women from compulsory idealised motherhood is a fine goal, but not of it can only be achieved by creating a new "ideal mother" who can only acceptably relate to their child in a restrained, partial way approved of by the new gatekeepers.

@Paul

And the OP ISN'T smug?? With her "well-rested, happy self" and her husband who isn't from the 1940s (unlike the rest of us mugs who are happy with night wakings)?

He doesn't function well unless he gets eight hours and I don't need much sleep.

DH and I are the other way round but funnily enough I didn't get to sleep in a room by myself for eight hours while he did all the night feeds.

Countries where women are accorded a lot more respect and a lot less pressure of all these types have higher rates, because they are not battered with this bullshit contradictory messaging all the time.

What countries are you referring to?

You know what, OP? I think you resent the changes that having 3 children in 3 years have brought to your life, especially when compared to your DH's life.

Not really because our lives have changed a similar amount. That's the whole point.

HenSolo thank you. I think my post hit a few nerves

as well as revealing the predictable scorn society currently offers women who really enjoy motherhood

Who has done that? Certainly not me.

'I think my post hit a few nerves'

No. You have shown yourself to be a total hypocrite, no 'nerves touched'. HTH

You have OP. All that business about "breastfeeding and knitting their own granola". And the implication that women who do the bulk of the mothering are frumpy and shrewish and their husbands are all off having affairs.

I think my post hit a few nerves

Oh come ON.

In reality people are just disagreeing with you.

*parenting not mothering

The only people who fond it hypocritical are the people who think it's women's work to do the sodding night feeds lmao

@TeenTitans hit no nerves, just people disagreeing with you. In fairness they sound loads happier than you, you sound unhappy and resentful.

The only people who fond it hypocritical are the people who think it's women's work to do the sodding night feeds

As opposed to those that think it’s “women’s work” to do all the housework, laundry, cooking etc....

You can’t pick and choose which part of “choice” you’re ok with.

@TeenTitans it is women's work to do the sodding night feeds, they ha e the breaths and the maternity leave.

'are the people who think it's women's work to do the sodding night feeds lmao'

Yet you think it's your 'sodding' job to cook, clean and prepare his suits. Now go get his tea ready he's waiting. 'lmao'

@TeenTitans

Literally NO-ONE has said that. You are losing ALL credibility by making shit up now.

OP: I think women who do all the night feeds because their husbands work are surrendered dickheads who are creating a hostile environment for women who don't want to.

MN: [Lovely and complex debate around the issue bringing forward several coherently argued perspectives]

OP: hahahaha everyone who disagrees with me is a surrendered dickheads enjoy your cheating husbands lols

*breasts not breaths

I don't think that's women's work Jaques.

you Not everyone breastfeeds, it's not the only option..maternity leave doesn't exist because of night feeds how ridiculous.

I must think the op is a GF tbh.