To feel so rejected re: childrens party

[HostOffice]

NC in case outing.

I went to my DS aged5 school friends party yesterday. Not one parent initiated any conversation with me (though I did talk to some parents that I initiated brief chats with and also the host parents).

When I arrived, I sat next to the 3 women of who I feel are most my type of people but I've noticed they now go for coffee mornings and gym visits together and have never invited me so obviously the people I thought were 'my people' don't really want to have a further friendship with me. I sat next to one of the Mums and she was turned away from me when I sat down, and then stayed that way, which is fine I guess but didn't feel good.

DS moved to this school in September from being at nursery at a school in the next town but if made a huge effort to make friends with the new school parents by hosting a birthday party for him and inviting the whole class, talking to parents while waiting to collect and smiling at them all when we'd pass in the playground.

And then this yesterday, sat alone. Stood alone when children gathered to eat and observing all the relaxed parents feeling comfortable in their friendship groups whilst I felt very uncomfortable.

I came home last night and sobbed my heart out, I felt so rejected. At DS old school I had a wonderful friendship group and could have sat with nearly any one of the parents in a party situation or an event and it not be awkward.

I'm clean, tidy, make an effort aand try to have open body language with a relaxed none RBF face. Im a professional and I feel I have to walk a line between sometimes feeling I may come across common and other times worry I seem stuck up! I'm overweight, there are bigger women than me at the school though they also gravitated towards one another but it's enough to make me think this is why I can't get in with the slim Mums I thought I would become friends with.

Feeling really shit as I felt like this when my older DD was in primary school and loved how things were different when my DS was in nursery and I felt I belonged. But I'm back to this again and I can't face another 7 years of kids parties feeling like a reject

I honestly think some people are not responsive to others starting a conversation with them. They don’t need or want that conversation. They like their group and only certain types will be invited into it. I’ve been on the outside of these groups. I have initiated conversation only for the mum to be glancing over my shoulder and escape to her clique ASAP. They are simply not interested.

I finally found my niche but it took years! Other mums continued to be off limits and superior. In the end, you cannot get blood out of a stone. Being in the PTA was the catalyst for me but sometimes these are run by the ultimate bossy cows!

To be honest, there isn’t an answer. You just have to spot others who might be friendly and might be in the same predicament. It does make you feel worthless and it’s very annoying and difficult to understand when new parents rock up and are immediately accepted. Whilst you are still friendless and looking on.

If you are new in an area, school mums might reasonably be a source of friendship. When they are not, and your friends are some distance away, it can be very, very lonely. Hopefully by getting involved with school, you might be able to find a friend or two.

I hate this “oh they didn’t talk to me” mentality. It’s not their job to babysit quiet people. Just strike up conversation with them instead

I hate this “oh they didn’t talk to me” mentality. It’s not their job to babysit quiet people. Just strike up conversation with them instead

So the op said hello, they said hello...they then turned their back to her. How on earth can you strike up conversation with people who do this unless you tap them on the shoulder or literally push your way in.

So the op said hello, they said hello...they then turned their back to her.

No she didn’t. The OP sat down and the woman didn’t say hi, but not did the OP.

Yes that's right...sorry. i still think they're rude.

All my close friends bar one are women I have met since having my children and my two best friends are mums I met at the school.

**But did you make an effort with them? Did you start a conversation with anyone? Did you ask the hosts to introduce you to people? Did you introduce yourself 'hi I'm Julia I'm new to the area, how long have you lived here?' etc.
You act have to speak not just stand near people

This. I always get frustrated when people moan about the lack of effort others make when they don’t make the effort themselves, Expecting others to do the running. I have various friends who moan about others not making the effort but when I ask them whether they have called those friends to suggest going out, they haven’t but are waiting for the others to make the move.
I’m not a school mum yet so I can’t comment on that situation. Sounds like it’s a minefield!
But I do go to toddler parties and sometimes I know people, sometimes I don’t. To be honest I’m sometimes so tired that I can’t be arsed to make conversation with people I don’t know, although I will smile and say hello. Sometimes I’m happy to stand on my own or play with the kids, or help the host.
If I want to make friends and have the energy to do so at a party, I feel that it is up to me to make the effort - go up to people on their own and start up conversations; most are pretty friendly. OP It’s sad that the women you thought you knew didn’t want to speak to you, but as others have said, it might not be anything personal to you, just that they were in the middle of a conversation or were catching up.
Next time try talking to the parents who are on their own, whether or not you think they are ‘your type’. Talk to the host and help out. Don’t take snubs personally; chances are they weren’t doing it deliberately, and even if they were, it’s always better to assume it’s not personal as it causes less upset to yourself. Maybe don't expect too much straight away, chat to the parents there and if you click, suggest a play date or coffee. If not, then at least your dd had a good time. Good luck!

When I was new in town pregnant with a toddler I treated play groups like pick up joints. If I saw a mum I liked the look of with similar age kids I would strike - much like going on the pull . Several knock backs and backs turned but hey ho soon struck gold. Now a loose group of 10 ish fellow mums which has grown and grown. Great friends for 10 years now. Kids not so much but we still are !

@BubblesBuddy

Loved your post think you hit the nail on the head!