Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let me child continue this hobby?

295 replies

rainbowbash · 28/04/2019 11:18

DC2 is 8 and has been doing taekwondo for 2 years. likes it and is good at it. it's their only out of school activity apart from swimming lessons.

I had a change in circumstances financially (pay cut but that is a whole other thread) and it would really be a massive stretch to keep up the payments (£30 per month).

DC2 learns an instrument (guitar) at school and spends a lot of time playing/practising it at home, does swimming lessons privately(though hates it but I think it's essential. They will only go for 1 term with school in year 4 so unlikely to learn it through school).

Would it really be mean to cancel her taekwondo in these circumstances? Two (well off) friends accused me of being rather cruel. I told DC2 about my plans we had a few tears about it but she is pretty understanding of our limitations. but my friends made me really think.

And looking around my friends all DC seem to be able to do so much outside school (various sports, cheerleading, music lessons, scouts etc). I feel dreadful that I cannot facilitate this.
Not to drip feed - DC1 is severely disabled, I work but only very limited hours and due to DC1's needs it is pretty impossible to change or increase my hours as I have zero access to childcare. So the change work/do more hours responses won't help.

OP posts:
MingeOnFire · 28/04/2019 11:24

How long has she been having swimming lessons and how well can she swim now?

I would be tempted to ditch the swimming and keep taekwondo if she's learnt the basics already.

Answeringonlyyesorno · 28/04/2019 11:25

I guess if moneys tight something has to give them clubs are non essential.
Can she swim yet? I found once the mastered the strokes most clubs just push for increasing distance, if you are comfortable she can 'swim' a reasonable distance then I'd drop the swimming. Or keep doing both and tell DC she can stop swimming once she can do 50m. That might motivate her on. I'd really try to keep the hobby she actually likes and may continue into adulthood with.

cucumbergin · 28/04/2019 11:25

Ask the well off friends if they're willing to chip in 15 quid a month each. If not they can shut the fuck up.

(Have paid for hobby class for a skint friend's kid before. It would've been a massive stretch for them but was beer/coffee money for us.)

Nicpem1982 · 28/04/2019 11:26

Could you find it else where in the budget

Have you checked you are getting all help and assistance you can (benefits/csa if appropriate)

Would grandparents be prepared to pay

Would dd forgo expensive Xmas presents to keep her hobby

Rosesaredead · 28/04/2019 11:26

Agree - ditch the swimming. It's so important for kids to have sports hobbies that they love. And to be honest you don't need to be an excellent swimmer to be safe in water - is she a competent swimmer yet?

Stompythedinosaur · 28/04/2019 11:27

Honestly in your situation I'd cancel the hated swimming lessons and let them keep doing taekwondo. It is very hard having a disabled sibling and I wouldn't want to take away a pleasurable activity that will help with self esteem. Between the lessons they have already had and those at school, surely they will manage to stay afloat in an emergency?

MingeOnFire · 28/04/2019 11:27

Also, it sounds to me like she's doing enough activities, so don't feel bad. I do feel it's better to keep letting her do what she loves rather than something she doesn't, although I agree swimming is important

Rosesaredead · 28/04/2019 11:27

Also if she knows she basics of swimming and you do too you could take her to practice at he local pool occasionally. It's pretty cheap to use where I live

Cantthinkofausername1990 · 28/04/2019 11:27

I wouldn't cancel the teakwondo. I'd cut down somewhere/anywhere else instead. It's her only out of school activity that she enjoys, I wouldn't take that away from her.

Malbecfan · 28/04/2019 11:28

Are there any trusts or charities to which you could apply for some help? A colleague was telling me that his son had accessed some help for a warm weather training camp from a local grant-making organisation which gives help to boys for outdoor physical activities.

Obviously I'm not at work/school today but our school library has a reference book which lists trusts that make grants to young people. Unfortunately, I can't remember the name of it but I could have a look on Tuesday if that helps.

Marvellow · 28/04/2019 11:28

Yes drop the swimming and try to continue taekwondo. Pick up swimming in a year or so.

Original poster
rainbowbash · 28/04/2019 11:28

swimming is going rather slow. Still only an awkward doggy paddle. 20-25 meters max
Hmm . I feel it is way too early to stop.

Plan is to maybe switch back to taekwondo in a years time if swimming is solid-ish.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 28/04/2019 11:28

If she can swim already I would quit that tbh. If it's possible to make cuts elsewhere to keep it going or as already mentioned make it a Christmas/birthday present from the wider family, I would try that too.

Prequelle · 28/04/2019 11:28

I would cancel the swimming.

Original poster
rainbowbash · 28/04/2019 11:29

I cannot take her swimming as I don't have anyone to look after DC1.

OP posts:
Marvellow · 28/04/2019 11:29

And a great idea to ask for money from family instead of presents to got towards taekwondo

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2019 11:30

Swimming is important, but only up to a point. If she’s at Stage 5, or beyond, I’d let her drop swimming in favour of Taekwondo.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 28/04/2019 11:30

I'd ditch the swimming. If she is confident in the water then that's as much as she needs. She is old enough to be allowed in pools by herself, she can go with friends etc.

There's no mention of a partner in your OP so I'm guessing you are a single parent? If not then can DP increase hours?

Original poster
rainbowbash · 28/04/2019 11:31

no family or friends. We have the typically tiny social circle that come with having a child with severe learning difficulties. it's really crap right now esp for DC2. I really feel I limit her Sad

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 28/04/2019 11:31

I think this swimming is essential think is a bit daft, frankly, unless you live next to some sort of open water or unfenced swimming pools.

Let her do what she likes and is good at.

BertrandRussell · 28/04/2019 11:32

Hang on-she can do 25m? Of course drop the swimming!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/04/2019 11:32

20 metres is fine for now. Stop the swimming let her do the sport she enjoys

Spudlet · 28/04/2019 11:32

Could you cancel the formal swimming lessons in favour of taking her yourself?

I think swimming is important, but a physical activity that she loves could set her up for life. If you have to drop it you do, but if there's any way of keeping it, I would try to. Does your local leisure centre do intensive courses over the holidays for swimming - could you save up for one of those, perhaps?

Flowers because it sounds like you're in a very tough position.

Rachie1973 · 28/04/2019 11:32

Cancel the swimming.

Original poster
rainbowbash · 28/04/2019 11:32

partner/dad - let's say it is complicated. I am a de facto lone parent.

OP posts: