AIBU to not let me child continue this hobby?

[rainbowbash]

DC2 is 8 and has been doing taekwondo for 2 years. likes it and is good at it. it's their only out of school activity apart from swimming lessons.

I had a change in circumstances financially (pay cut but that is a whole other thread) and it would really be a massive stretch to keep up the payments (£30 per month).

DC2 learns an instrument (guitar) at school and spends a lot of time playing/practising it at home, does swimming lessons privately(though hates it but I think it's essential. They will only go for 1 term with school in year 4 so unlikely to learn it through school).

Would it really be mean to cancel her taekwondo in these circumstances? Two (well off) friends accused me of being rather cruel. I told DC2 about my plans we had a few tears about it but she is pretty understanding of our limitations. but my friends made me really think.

And looking around my friends all DC seem to be able to do so much outside school (various sports, cheerleading, music lessons, scouts etc). I feel dreadful that I cannot facilitate this.
Not to drip feed - DC1 is severely disabled, I work but only very limited hours and due to DC1's needs it is pretty impossible to change or increase my hours as I have zero access to childcare. So the change work/do more hours responses won't help.

I would definitely drop the swimming for now.

Ds, now in Y7, had swimming lessons in Y5, he could already swim but for those dc who weren’t as confident, the school continued with lessons for a few weeks after. Now, in Y7 at high school, they have had weekly swimming lessons last term, I presume they’re grouped according to ability.

Therefore as there will be plenty of opportunity to have free swimming lessons as part of the school curriculum, I would definitely carry on with TK.

I'd cancel the guitar lessons because she can keep that up to a certain extent by playing and practicing at home whereas she can't do taekwondo at home.
Alternatively, look at what you can give up yourself to pay for her activities to continue - stop buying alcohol/takeaways/coffee out etc?
It's £1 a day so maybe you could put the £1 aside in a jar each day and pay it that way?

I agree with keeping the activity that she loves and dropping the swimming.

Also for looking for other finance streams.

Many local authorities offer one off carers grants that you can apply for annually. They are not means tested.
Depending where you are some offer up to £500 a year.
They are designed to take the strain from the carer, acknowledging that if they were not caring the LA would be paying an enormous amount.
They seem to be a very well kept secret.

www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/financial-support/help-with-household-finances/grants?gclid=Cj0KCQjwnpXmBRDUARIsAEo71tRdcwYXo5UyhYmENBRUMtHIBPW1ivsix8XLXLaP8f0J8K5fZCk5NDIaArRyEALw_wcB

Here is some info about organisiations that specifically support siblings.
www.special-needs-kids.co.uk/siblings.htm

It also sounds like exactly the sort of thing local charities would be happy to help with.

Please PM me if you would like any help in finding them and applying.

Is contributions from relatives an option for Christmas and birthday? I know my dd would pick actual gifts but your dd sounds more mature.

@Heratnumber7 because so many people have outdoor pools here and it's hot a great deal of the time. We have a different climate. Why else?

For all those who are saying 'swimming is a life skill' or 'can swim enough to stay alive' what exactly does this mean?

In my day to day life I never come into contact with any swimming situations. DH got his 25m swimming badge age 7 - what does this correlate to now in terms of whether he could rescue himself fully clothed out of a sinking car in a cold river 40 years later?

In the same vein my mother never had swimming lessons and can't swim. She is completely safe around water as she doesn't get in it. She doesn't have deluded ideas of her own competence that might get her into trouble and she has happily enjoyed her non-swimming life.

Yes, if you live next to a beach or a swimming pool I can see swimming is a life skill. But most of us don't.

Maybe your friends could take her swimming? I regularly take my friends son out with us on activities, he is friends with my son, he can't access things with his family due to their circumstances, my son enjoys having his company more so than doing things like swimming or going to the park without a friend. Suits everyone.

Hertnumber7 there are a lot more houses with swimming pools in Oz than the UK. And we spend a lot more time at the beach, so there are many more potential drowning opportunities.

And you can guarantee that if this was an Australian forum the consensus would be you can't give up lessons. But it's not. So while you can fall into a body of water in any country, there's more risk when every other person has a pool.

my MP is a Tory cunt who voted for anything that makes live for families with disabled DC/benefit dependancy harder.

anyhow, she just came and and definitely said TWD!

Feeling much less guilty about ditching the pool (for now). Thank you

Another saying keep the activity that she loves if you can manage to. As you said upthread unfortunately you currently have the typically tiny social circle that come with having a child with severe learning difficulties so the taekwando is a social outlet for dd as well as actually being really good for her fitness, confidence etc.

I hope some of the advice from pps re support might be of some use to you, it's awful that you're forced to choose like this when for others the £30 a month wouldn't cost them a second thought .

Thinking about school funding. You could enquire how they use their Sports Funding-quite a few schools fund sports activities outside school .

Agree, drop swimming. Dd is on level 4 and has asked twice to give it up this school year. I've agreed to that once she gets her level 4 (she's 7 and we have been on it for 2 years, so I can see why she is bored) and she has her 30 meters badge but can do 2 lengths of an adult pool in a row. I personally think that is fine unless they are going to take it up as a professional hobby, especially if they don't enjoy it!

Heratnumber7
How is swimming more necessary in Oz than England? (by which I presume you mean U.K.)

When you are in a hot country where virtually everyone has access to water via swimming pools and the ocean, not being able to swim is life threatening.
I could swim before I could walk (we lived on a beachfront house).
By the age of 8 virtually every child can swim at least 100m but usually more, and a lot learn pool survival as toddlers.

Definitely let her choose, but try and keep up the swimming if you can; it’s rubbish to be the unconfident one in the water when everyone else is going crazy and having fun.

In my experience, if your child is one of the less able in school swimming lessons, she will get a bit of extra attention and, certainly in our school, get the option of another term’s lessons the following year.

Contacting the local Rotary/Lions for help is a really good call. Seriously, I have CF friends in a much better financial position than you (one full time senior teacher salary) who got an expensive optional school trip paid for, with spending money thrown in, simply because they asked.

You are exactly the sort of family they aim to be helping.

Op, I want to echo what someone earlier has already said - talk to the taekwando people. I work for a company that run lessons in a sport, in the past we have offered big discounts to parents in your situation so that the child can continue with their lessons. I know it’s hard to ask but most people are keen to help if they can.

I learnt to swim by arsing around in the shallow water. I think I had doggy paddle by 8/9. Later I just watched people under water and copied them! If she has got the basics that's fine.

What does she want to do? I would suggest you get more from Taekwondu - team building, physical contact, confidence building, discipline (I did judo as a kid). It must be tough in your situation - do you have access to respite breaks OP

Sorry not read the full thread but maybe compromise and keep the taekwondo and switch the private swimming to council swimming lessons if you can afford it. There might be a waiting list but if she can do 20 m for now, it's enough.

Unless you live close to the ocean or a huge lake, your kid doesn't need to be an excellent swimmer. I'd cancel the swimming and keep the tae kwon do.

I think you’ve made the right decision to ditch swimming.

Someone upthread suggested looking into grants. This is a great idea - even a small sum would be helpful, I’d imagine.

I bet there are funds available via your LA, but you may need a bit of tenancity to access them. Does your eldest not qualify for a personal budget/direct payments?

I think if she can swim 25 metres ,then to keep up Taekwondo if you can. This will boost her confidence in the long run,Swimming is obviously important too .Do you have any family to help you, or can you see if any savings can be made in your monthly budget at all .Our Council have a 10 month timetable for Council tax ,leaving two "free" months . maybe you could use one of these to pay for her lessons in advance .Sometimes small local charities may be able to help if you approach them (in confidence ) or may be able to arrange some respite care for you so you could take your daughter swimming with you.

I agree that dropping the swimming is the better option here op, sounds like you agree after the advice on here.
It's so great that your DD has a passion for a sport and you should try and keep it up if you can. Having worked extensively with teenagers, those who really enjoy and excel at a hobby are often happy and engaged in general.

@rainbowbash, I feel for your situation and sadly it's so far from unusual it's untrue.

We've asked family for contributions towards subs or pieces of uniform before when funds have been tight. It doesn't even have to be a huge contribution. £10 is one month of scouting for one of my children. £15 covers one month of trampolining. It's always worth speaking to clubs to see if they have a hardship fund you can tap into for a short while.

It gets so much harder when you have children with additional needs. You're trying to balance the needs of all the children with the demands of being the sibling of a disabled child and the impact that has - making sure they still have time to be themselves!

I second checking out whether you are getting everything you are entitled to. Is there a young Carers service you can access (ours is for over 8's). Dd1 attends fortnightly and it's free, so she has space to discuss the issues she faces. Unfortunately youngest son is yet too young but would certainly benefit. The impact in our house means although his big brothers needs are accommodated within our scouting group, I'm having to hold the twins back until he goes up to the next group as I know it will cause problems.

If it helps, I'm in my late 40s, can't swim at all, and have never felt the lack. Non-swimmers actually have good survival rates because they're less likely to put themselves in a positions where they might drown.

Whereas at school, the ability to thump people really hard was quite beneficial, even though I wouldn't actually advocate violence. I encountered far more bullies than likely drowning scenarios.

I'd stop the swimming lessons, they aren't essential, they learn in the end.
Our 3 never had a lesson except what was offered at school, one term I think.
They all swim well enough if they get into trouble.