AIBU to not let me child continue this hobby?

[rainbowbash]

DC2 is 8 and has been doing taekwondo for 2 years. likes it and is good at it. it's their only out of school activity apart from swimming lessons.

I had a change in circumstances financially (pay cut but that is a whole other thread) and it would really be a massive stretch to keep up the payments (£30 per month).

DC2 learns an instrument (guitar) at school and spends a lot of time playing/practising it at home, does swimming lessons privately(though hates it but I think it's essential. They will only go for 1 term with school in year 4 so unlikely to learn it through school).

Would it really be mean to cancel her taekwondo in these circumstances? Two (well off) friends accused me of being rather cruel. I told DC2 about my plans we had a few tears about it but she is pretty understanding of our limitations. but my friends made me really think.

And looking around my friends all DC seem to be able to do so much outside school (various sports, cheerleading, music lessons, scouts etc). I feel dreadful that I cannot facilitate this.
Not to drip feed - DC1 is severely disabled, I work but only very limited hours and due to DC1's needs it is pretty impossible to change or increase my hours as I have zero access to childcare. So the change work/do more hours responses won't help.

It would be a shame for her to stop tae kwondo and you may feel the impact in terms of her self esteem, confidence and happiness.

First thing is to speak to the club. I run a kids’ sports activity and we would rather parents spoke to us than just pulled the kids out. It’s much better for us to have enthusiastic, talented (and non-talented!) kids along and engaged with us than have their money in the bank.

Please, please do this before you pull her out. I promise they’ll be eager to help you sort something out.

God we wasted thousands on private swimming lessons. Our kids just did not float. Eventually the council sent them on a free week long intensive course as swimming is meant to be a manadatory sill before they progress to high school. They failed that too [blush
They are all excellent swimmers now, I think they just became more buoyant around puberty!! They did watersports but always wore lifejackets.
In your situation I would ditch the swimming and let her carry on with her taekwondo.

I agree with Bertrand. I don't think it's essential for children unless you live around water. You will always supervise them closely as children on holiday or days out etc.

Just as long as they know how to swim by the time the leave primary. They need to swim confidently as teens and adults.

First thing is to speak to the club. I run a kids’ sports activity and we would rather parents spoke to us than just pulled the kids out

I'd be mortified. I am very simply financial - if I cannot afford, I don't do/get it rather than getting myself in debt (easily done in our circumstances).

Thanks for the responses. Didn't think giving up swimming was right but may not be the worse idea esp as she can swim a few meters now.

I'd also drop the swimming for a year and then re-evaluate your options. It's tough enough living with a disabled sibling and even worse if you cannot do the 1 activity that you enjoy out of school.

Drop the swimming lessons. They do a term of swimming in school and it’s all most children get.

A physical hobby she loves and is excited about beats a forced chore (that she already does in school) hands down in terms of value for the child. She’ll thank you in years to come for allowing her to continue her only hobby. I bet the swimming costs more than £30 a month too.

I would also talk to the taekwondo club about whether you can negotiate a reduced rate for a bit.

Do you have a care plan for DC1? You may well be entitled to some respite/short breaks care.

I bet the swimming costs more than £30 a month too.

nope, it's 3.75 per lessons so actually much cheaper the the taekwondo. but with some efficiency savings' I probably could keep the taekwondo up if we give up swimming.

where are you getting private swimming lessons so cheap??

DC2 has two hobbies that cost money. I’m not sure why you’d make them continue the hobby they dislike and drop the one they enjoy? Just because you judge swimming to be more important. DC2 clearly doesn’t agree and it’s their life. And it’s not just a hobby, it’s also a friendship group that you’re taking away.

Keep taekwondo and drop swimming. Reassess after school swimming lessons. FWIW I never had a swimming lesson in my life and can swim adequately. When I was a teen I went swimming with friends and picked up the basics.

Do you have a care plan for DC1? You may well be entitled to some respite/short breaks care.

nope, not a single hour of respite in 11 years. our council is shit in this regard. Carers assessment refused. They only help once you hit crisis point but so far we keep swimming (well, DC2 maybe not for much longer :-) ) so no help at all. social care has really been cut to the bare bone. it's not a battle I can take on.

We can only afford one hobby per child. We started off on swimming lessons until she could swim. Then karate until she complained about going. We switched her to gymnastistics which is so far going well. I know other children who attend 3/4 different clubs per week! I just couldn't afford that right now. I think swimming is important until they can swim alone confidently. Then switch to their choice.

Ilove
group lessons in the north of England at a sports college pool with dodgy showers

This will mean so much to your dd, and might even be a motivator for her to work really hard at her swimming lessons when she has them at school, because you have kept up the Tae Kwondo.

Is there an possibility of help from your local music centre for the music lessons.

Swimming would go. If she loves something then cancelling it in favour of something she is doing because you feel is important isn’t going to go down well.

Or, ask her which she’d like to continue with and take it from there.

I would try and keep the Taikwondu - however that swimming is a great price. Have you tried young carers (I think they also cover siblings) for support? I was also going to suggest brownies or guides as usually very cheap and will help children in difficult circumstances, might give her another outlet if you do have to drop the Taikwondu?

Don't give up the swimming. It's an absolute life skill and one she will be too embarrassed to go back and take lessons for later in life.

I had a friend who decided learning to swim wasn't essential for her 8 year old, and when the first swimming party came along and he was desperate to go, she let him.

It was terrifying for all concerned and mortifying for the child as all his friends played and swam around him. She enrolled him in lessons immediately.

I agree with speaking to the club about the Tae Kwan do. They may have a fund for just such situations, and if she is good they may sponser her.

Do you get DLA for DC1 and Carers Allowance?

I second talking to the club, my dd runs a kids martial arts class and would much rather a parent spoke to her and they could sort it out. One dc she actually gives free lessons to due to personal circumstances, my dd has no judgement about it at all, she just wants all children to be able to access the lessons. Don’t let your pride stop your dd doing something she loves.

Swimming can often be free during school holidays too, can your dc1 go in the water at all? If not, with dc2 being over 8, that is the age they are allowed to swim alone, would you be able to sit at the side with dc1? I also have a disabled dd so I know how difficult this can be.

I hope you manage to sort something out.

Ours are group lessons in Council pool for at least double what you’re paying. In fact they’ve recently done a whole refurb and hiked the prices up! And getting into the lessons is like finding hens teeth! The waiting lists are 4 years long!

Is there an possibility of help from your local music centre for the music lessons.

music lessons in school are free (sink council etstate - has its advantages too )

Ellie, yes DLA but not CA. I work part time but earn over the threshold. but have a mortgage etc so money is tight.

You may be able to find an amateur boxing club (ABC) in your area that trains kids.

If so the classes are likely to cost much less than taekwondo and provide your child with a much better workout and more realistic chance at self-defence.

ABCs typically charge a £20 -30 annual membership fee (may be less for kids) and £3 for a 2 hour class although prices may vary from club to club

Alternatively judo classes in your area are likely to be reasonably priced and the gradings are standardised throughout the UK unlike many martial arts.

The quality of taekwondo training, especially for children, is highly variable between schools. Even so if your child enjoys it and gets to have fun and have a good workout I would suggest stopping he swimming lessons, especially if hated, and keep up the taekwondo classes.

If your child is serious about acquiring fighting skills judo or boxing are far more likely to provide a good foundation in skills at a much cheaper price than you are paying now.

Ditch the swimming. When you're in a better financial position, you can take them up again, but it's so important that a child living in difficult circumstances has something that is just for them that they love.

I second the Young Carers suggestion. It provides so many activities for your whole family and will put emphasis on the importance of your DD.