WIBU to make them sit outside?

[FissionChips]

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

No

She was very pushy. You weren’t very welcoming but that’s understandable when she was rude.

It's a bit odd if you know the person.

It depends on how you 'made them stay outside' which is the problem? If she felt down after it I'm guessing your delivery wasn't great.

Life is too short for this carry on. Make friends and be hospitable. It's what people will remember you for.

It's very odd almost abnormal. Do you suffer from anxiety?

If you wanted to make her feel very unwelcome, you definitely succeeded.

Why couldn’t they have come in?

You won’t have her turning up unannounced again but I don’t think I could treat someone like that.

Do you hate these people?

Was it raining?
Is your house really messy or you hiding something embarrassing?
You mention that she has previous form for this behaviour. Such as ?

If you did not want to host them you should simply have told her that now wasn't a good time and arranged another date. To actively bring items out of the house and make it obvious she wasn't welcome was a bit strange. What if her or the child had asked to use the bathroom.

Wow. I can't even.

So, yes, OP, you were being incredibly unreasonable. And rude.

If you didn't want these people in your house, the polite, reasonable thing to do would be to say, 'Oh, I'm sorry, it's not convenient for you to come now. Shall we make a time to meet up at the park/cafe/play area?' If it was a really warm day, it would be okay to say, 'How lovely, shall we sit outside so the children can play and enjoy the sunshine?'

But at the point where you are bringing blankets outside because it's cold, you have tipped into batshit crazy.

I hope that's cleared that up.

You made them stay in the front garden? Why did you just not say you were busy if you didn't want them there? I mean, it's odd for her to turn up and demand an immediate play date but you acted weirdly.

That's a really strange thing to do. She must have felt very unwelcome

She’s never turned up at my door before but has mentioned about coming over for a coffee.

I don’t particularly want her to feel welcome, she shouldn’t just intrude on people.

I’m also not a fan unannounced visitors but would just make an polite excuse/rearrange in that situation rather than make it weird/obvious that they weren’t welcome inside my home while also entertaining them. I can understand why you would do it but can understand why she would feel strange too.

Ummmm.

I find both weird tbh.

I would NEVER turn up unannounced unless it was a VERY good/close friend or a family member, and if I was unannounced I wouldn't necessarily expect the other person/people to be available (why didn't she ping you a quick text first? That's all it would have taken).

OTOH, I think what you did was rude.

The fact she's describe herself as now feeling down suggests to me that either she has some issue or problem she was hoping to talk over with you or that she's wanting a closer friendship with you (possibly for the sake of the DC - is her's struggling socially?) and is going about it in a slightly heavy-handed way.

But I find both of you def quite odd.

I don’t particularly want her to feel welcome, she shouldn’t just intrude on people.
So why even bother to let her sit on the driveway?

sorry. x-posted with half the thread! (it was only about 7 posts long when I started typing!)

I’d have made a polite excuse if I didn’t want her there. Tbh I think you were very rude. She was rude too, turning up like that.

😳

Why didn't you simply say "not today"?

You were extremely rude and frankly odd.

I don’t like unannounced visitors either, but I’m still polite.

Why didn’t you just say ‘that would be lovely another day, I’m busy today - I’ll text you tomorrow and we can make an arrangement.’

I can’t believe you think you behaved acceptably.

I didn’t turn her away as my child has heard what she said and was excited to play. They went home when it started to drizzle.

I’ve made polite excuses when she has mentioned about wanting to come over before, I thought I’d done it enough that she would’ve got the message that I really wouldn’t appreciate her turning up.

Bloody hell. I have aspergers and regularly misread situations, but this is weird. You made her sit on your drive and brought out blankets??

The thing is, OP, you can do whatever you want. If you never want anyone else to cross your door, you have the right to do that. But if you go about it in this way, it just comes across as rude and unkind. If you actually want friends - and more importantly if you want your child to develop friendships - then you will have to find a way to facilitate that better than you did this time. It doesn't have to be in your home, but it can't be making people sit outside in the cold on your drive.

None of what you say excuses your rudeness.