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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Acis · 28/04/2019 00:37

Ok, so if any of you turned up at an acquaintances house, despite it being made clear that uninvited guests are not welcome, you would expect to be invited inside?

I would hope I wouldn't turn up in those circumstances. However, if someone does, I would expect almost anything other than an incredibly socially awkward session where an obviously unwilling hostess awkwardly sets up chairs on the front driveway and brings out blankets. For instance, something like "Sorry, it's not convenient at the moment, how about if we meet up for a coffee next week at XXXX?

TinselAndKnickers · 28/04/2019 00:37

I would be expected to be either sent away or invited in - not asked to camp outside on a driveway! She must have felt too awkward to leave Grin

ShinyMe · 28/04/2019 00:37

Ok, so if any of you turned up at an acquaintances house, despite it being made clear that uninvited guests are not welcome, you would expect to be invited inside?hmm

I'd expect to either be invited in, or to be told a variant of 'sorry no, not convenient'. I would absolutely not expect to be hosted on the drive and given a blanket when it got a bit cold. That's just downright odd.

As others have said, it's your right to not want visitors and your right to not allow people in. But you do also have to accept that it is very unusual and that some people will therefore find you rude. If you don't care what they think then go right ahead as you are.

SD1978 · 28/04/2019 00:37

Is there a reason you don't want your child to be friends with this child? Are you like this with all parents at the child's school? I am with your husband- it was incredibly rude to have everyone on the front door step. You should have declined the offer full stop. If this is 'normal' behaviour for you, the. I think you need to look at what you find this acceptable, and either accept people into your house, or refuse the occasion fullstop, as this will impact your child's friendships by your actions.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2019 00:39

But I’d expect to be either invited in and treated well or sent packing - not the weird unpleasant behaviour you displayed.

I can't stand pop-ins so I tell people, "not right now but what about Sunday?" The driveway is not really comme il faut.

Pipsqueak11 · 28/04/2019 00:42

I feel sorry for your dc - as they grow up they will be embarrassed you are so unwelcoming of their friends.

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:42

Have you actually said ‘I don’t like it when people show up when I haven’t invited them’ because it sounds like you haven’t

I have actually, a couple of times when she has mentioned having coffee. I’m not sure what I could’ve said to her to make it clearer.

If she was upset then why didn’t she go home? She messaged after to say she had a nice time so can they have been too down about it.

OP posts:
ConstanzaAndSalieri · 28/04/2019 00:43

Incredibly rude. You, in particular.

I take it your child is still quite young? Because soon they will be mortified by this behaviour. What happens when their friends call by theirselves wanting to play? Or is it adults you just won’t let in?

It’s too late, she won’t ever do it again, nor will anyone else, but you could have said “I can’t stop to chat as I’m crazy busy but (child) is welcome to play and I’ll bring them home later”.

Passthecherrycoke · 28/04/2019 00:43

She probably felt awkward and embarrassed.

And she’s probably kind, and polite. Bless her

TinselAndKnickers · 28/04/2019 00:45

She sounds as though she's trying hard to be your friend and didn't want to make you feel weird about it.

peachgreen · 28/04/2019 00:47

Good grief. Turning up when you're uninvited is inconsiderate but forcing someone to sit on your drive is very rude and extremely weird.

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:48

I don’t have an issue with the children being friends, I just don’t want randoms in my home.Confused

OP posts:
Grainedmonkey · 28/04/2019 00:49

I admire your honesty OP. You have a clear stance and stick to it even though you know it is deemed rude by many. I hate unannounced visitors as well (the house is often a bomb site unless I am forewarned) but I feel obliged to invite people in.

TattiePants · 28/04/2019 00:50

She was rude to turn up unannounced, especially when you’d made it clear you didn’t want her there but you were very rude and really odd. Why didn’t you just tell her it wasn’t a good time / you were busy / going out etc?

ConstanzaAndSalieri · 28/04/2019 00:50

So would you have welcomed your child’s friend in unannounced? Or are they “random” too.

DointItForTheKids · 28/04/2019 00:51

So in order to engender a friendship from OP having been told that OP didn't like people in her home, she went even one step further and came round to OPs home unannounced!

You don't HAVE to want to be friends with someone and you don't HAVE to have anyone in your house that you don't want to - that is ok you know. Each to their own, right?

If I'd 'popped round' to someone's home uninvited I'd be 200% looking at their reaction/body language/facial expression - so the woman is either a bit dumb or lacks any social awareness or she simply didn't care that OP wasn't liking it and carried on hanging around after OP had pretty much made it clear that she wasn't really relishing the experience.

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:51

I didn’t force herHmm, she could leave at any time and I did provide a drink and blanket so she wasn’t no uncomfortable.

What the big deal with sitting on the driveway? Why does sitting in a garden make it any different?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 28/04/2019 00:55

What have you said previously to make it clear that a visit would be unwelcome?

Grainedmonkey · 28/04/2019 00:55

Its just that sitting on the driveway - its so funny, makes me chuckle the image of this

ShinyMe · 28/04/2019 00:56

Making her sit in the garden in the cold would have been equally rude.

But at least people do sit in gardens for pleasure on sunny days, so it wouldn't have appeared quite so bad. Nobody in their right mind sits on a driveway for fun.

nancy75 · 28/04/2019 00:56

Would you have let her use the toilet?

RedDogsBeg · 28/04/2019 00:57

It's obvious you won't accept you were being rude and unreasonable, OP. You haven't accepted your husband's point of view and he knows you so you won't, as you are making abundantly clear, accept the same view from posters here which makes me question why you bothered to ask.

FWIW you were very rude and unreasonable, it was a shitty way to behave.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/04/2019 00:58

I think you were both in the wrong, tbh.
She shouldn't have just turned up and put you in that position, but since she did, the normal thing to do is invite her in. Since you didn't do that, she may be wondering what you have to hide in your house! But that's not really important.

I don't like random visitors either - I like things to be pre-arranged - but I wouldn't leave people on the doorstep/front drive, even with chairs and a drink. I'd grudgingly let them in, even though my house is frequently a tip (honestly) and hope it would put them off from ever coming by again.

CordeliaGoode · 28/04/2019 01:00

OP you sound like an absolute delight... Hmm

FiveShelties · 28/04/2019 01:01

Was your husband there? How old are your children?