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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 28/04/2019 00:29

I suspect you won’t have to worry about seeing her again.

TinselAndKnickers · 28/04/2019 00:30

That is so bloody rude, I'm surprised she stayed! Maybe she thought you could do with a friend and was trying to be kind. I appreciate it is rude to "pop in" but why couldn't you have arranged it for another time?

"They went home when it started to drizzle" 😂😂😂 Christ

Dia12 · 28/04/2019 00:30

I can understand some people being put out by an unexpected visitor but looking at the greater scheme of things - isn't this exactly what's lacking in today's society?
Why are we so uptight and regimented about causal visitors? I totally understand everyone's busy etc but a bit of time out for a quick chat is sometimes all that is needed.
You never know what a difference just a few minutes of kindness can make to someone. You don't have to entertain someone for hours or even minutes, but you certainly don't have to make them feel shit about wanting to visit you.
A bit of compassion and kindness goes a long way.

sleepyyetawake · 28/04/2019 00:31

Don’t know if this really happened. But you are genuinely an awful person.

Acis · 28/04/2019 00:31

If you didn't want to meet her at yours, why not tell her that day wasn't convenient but suggest meeting somewhere else, e.g. a playground or a café?

Graphista · 28/04/2019 00:31

I don't like unannounced visitors either THAT is rude to corner you like that.

However, I too wouldn't have taken the stance you did, I'd have said it wasn't convenient and please don't call unannounced again. Your child would have got over the disappointment.

It sounds like she's trying to force a friendship where you don't want one to develop and she needs it clearly pointed out to her.

Putting you in an awkward position with your child is out of order.

You need to be clear with dh too so he doesn't commit you to anything with this person.

hammeringinmyhead · 28/04/2019 00:32

Jesus. Not even your front garden but on your drive?! That's awful. It's rude to turn up unannounced but I bet you made her feel like shit on a shoe.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/04/2019 00:32

I dont relish visitor either, which is why I dont get many!

But you crossed the line. You were downright rude. She was just trying to make friends.

I would have said, much sooner, something like "Oh the house is a tip at the moment due to [insert excuse here]" and then meet for a coffee somewhere else.

I dont think its visitors you dont like, its anyone! Do you have friends or do you avoid getting close to people in general?

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:32

Ok, so if any of you turned up at an acquaintances house, despite it being made clear that uninvited guests are not welcome, you would expect to be invited inside?Hmm

OP posts:
Acis · 28/04/2019 00:32

Out of curiosity, what would you have done if it had been chucking down with rain when she turned up?

Passthecherrycoke · 28/04/2019 00:33

Wow OP you’re crackers! Be careful, your child is going to be really embarrassed by this behaviour when they’re older

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/04/2019 00:33

Yeah I think you were rude, and it’s very odd to make someone sit outside because you think visitors are intrusive. Why didn’t you make an excuse if you didn’t want visitors?

I know there’s loads on Mumsnet who take a weird offence to people dropping in, but if you have friends this does sometimes happen. It’s not rude to knock on the door to say hi and see if the person you’re visiting is up for a cuppa Confused

nancy75 · 28/04/2019 00:33

Op you seem to be happy with this so crack on, but don’t be surprised if you’re the talk of the playground next week - it is very unusual behaviour.
Why didn’t you want her to go in your house?

Passthecherrycoke · 28/04/2019 00:34

How have you made it clear to people on the school run that uninvited guests are welcome? You sound so mean and miserable

bridgetreilly · 28/04/2019 00:34

In fact, here's what I would do. Text her tomorrow and say your daughter really enjoyed playing with hers and would like to do so again. When would be a good time for you to all meet up at [park/soft play/wherever], your treat?

And then over coffee say that you're glad your daughter is making a friend, apologise that it was a bit awkward when they called round. And just say, directly, no hints, that you prefer not to have visitors in your home, but you hope that you can still find ways to help your children continue to be friends by meeting up elsewhere.

FiveShelties · 28/04/2019 00:34

HaHa - too funny. I don't think anyone will call again - I think she may have mentioned it to every single person she has met since her visit.

I am just trying to imagine you all sat on the drive with blankets - brilliant, thanks for sharing. Grin

Merryoldgoat · 28/04/2019 00:35

Ok, so if any of you turned up at an acquaintances house, despite it being made clear that uninvited guests are not welcome, you would expect to be invited inside?

Depends on what you mean by ‘made it clear’.

But I’d expect to be either invited in and treated well or sent packing - not the weird unpleasant behaviour you displayed.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/04/2019 00:36

@FissionChips no I’d expect to be turned away not to be made to sit on the doorstep.

Have you actually said ‘I don’t like it when people show up when I haven’t invited them’ because it sounds like you haven’t. I wouldn’t worry though she won’t try it again.

hammeringinmyhead · 28/04/2019 00:36

I would rather you made an excuse than sat me down on your drive on the rain.

Justaboutawake · 28/04/2019 00:36

Is this the poster from several threads today? Are you going to start saying you wanted to smash her face in when she arrived unexpectedly?

Shoxfordian · 28/04/2019 00:36

Yavvu
I would assume that you had a dead body or something inside. Wow.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/04/2019 00:36

so if any of you turned up at an acquaintances house, despite it being made clear that uninvited guests are not welcome, you would expect to be invited inside?

Well I wouldnt turn up, but in that situation I would have made an excuse like you were just heading out or that you have a tradesperson due to give a quote or something. Her overstepping your boundary is no excuse to be downright rude. And when you say she knows that uninvited visitors are unwelcome, does she know you mean anybody? She may have thought you meant sales people or someone just dropping on you for dinner with no notice.

This is on you and your DH is right.

Grainedmonkey · 28/04/2019 00:36

Yes but on the other the visitor was weird as well by hanging around. When it became apparent that you were not going to let her in you think she would have got the hint and done one.

applesarerroundandshiny · 28/04/2019 00:37

Yes that is really weird and I expect she will have told all the other parents by now; the kids probably also thought it strange and I can imagine them telling their class-mates.

chocolatemademefat · 28/04/2019 00:37

What are you hiding in your house? And providing blankets? She’s as crazy as you are for sitting outside wrapped in a blanket!