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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 28/04/2019 01:34

I’m not a horrible person, I gave her 60p once when we were both in a queue together and she was short.

Maybe I'm delirious from lack of sleep but this has really tickled me. If she repays the 60p can she be allowed inside your hallway?!

GoBrookeYourself · 28/04/2019 01:37

Agree with everything livingoncake has said. You humiliated this poor woman in front of her child and if it were me I wouldn’t be letting my child see yours again. I completely appreciate you don’t like people turning up unannounced, neither do I, but good manners surely come into effect here and either a polite excuse or letting them in would have been the right things to do. As a PP said, you don’t know whether this woman might have felt emotionally vulnerable and just needed a little kindness or what her reasons for turning up unannounced were but I think what you did was so unkind and something I would be ashamed of if I or anyone I knew behaved like that. It’s the kind of behaviour that’s wrong with the world today.

Oh and lending someone 60p is a nice thing to do but not comparable to this situation. Surely you can see that.

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 01:38

you mean the area leading up to your house where you park your car, wheel your bins up and down etc

Yes, though the bins are a good distance from where we were sitting.

OP posts:
Acis · 28/04/2019 01:39

I have met up with her at play centres

So she definitely isn't a "random", she's someone you know quite well? This just gets weirder and weirder.

If she didn’t like sitting in the driveway she could’ve made her own excuses and left. Surely she is the odd one for staying?

Well, no, You put her into an impossible position. As she'd turned up, she could hardly invent an excuse for not being able to stay. Once you'd started setting up chairs and blankets and bringing out drinks, it would have been very rude for her to say she was buggering off.

However, the fact that you think she could have is quite revealing. If you go to visit someone and aren't keen on whatever arrangements they've made to host and entertain you, do you seriously think it would be appropriate to say "Sorry, don't fancy this, I'm off"?

Livingoncake · 28/04/2019 01:41

I don’t know why any of are bothering. OP clearly thinks her behaviour is fine and intends to continue to treat people like this if they have the temerity to turn up at her house.

Which would be fine, if she were the only one affected by this. But she has DC whose social lives will be affected by her selfishness, which is really sad.

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 01:41

but good manners surely come into effect here

Good manners would be not inviting yourself to a persons house when it’s been made clear that you wouldn’t be welcome.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 28/04/2019 01:42

They went home when it started to drizzle

Wow I wonder why!! Your behaviour was weird & downright rudeb

RedDogsBeg · 28/04/2019 01:43

DH wasn’t home when she first arrived, he came later after work and was “mortified” we were sat there.

and your husband being 'mortified' by your behaviour still hasn't made a dent in your perception of your behaviour. If his embarrassment and discomfort at the way you acted can't persuade you that what you did was rude and unreasonable no-one here is going to be able to.

I am not surprised your dh was mortified, I would be in his shoes.

Redglitter · 28/04/2019 01:44

Perhaps she is lacking social skills, it would explain her behaviour

😂😂😂 Oh the irony

Pot, kettle??

FiveShelties · 28/04/2019 01:48

I think if my husband had come back and found me entertaining people on the drive, he would have carried on walking past.

Should this thread be moved to Classics? I have really enjoyed itGrin

StrippingTheVelvet · 28/04/2019 01:49

From a logical perspective can you see if your husband said he was mortified and 100 odd impartial posters have ALL said you were rude and wrong, that they're is some truth in that? That in itself is an astounding level of arrogance and/or lack of self awareness.

ilovesooty · 28/04/2019 01:52

How have you previously made it clear that a visit would be unwelcome?

mathanxiety · 28/04/2019 01:52

Are you able to explain why you don't want people in your house?

Because what you did was utterly bizarre unless you have some reason such as anxiety.

Why is your back garden unusable? Are you a hoarder?

What do you do with yourself that is so important that you count casual social visits as 'intruding'?

I would worry that your child will become isolated or even bullied in school if this is the way you treat other parents.

Do thoughts of this sort bother you? Do you think your child got some feedback from the other child at school the next day?

I really suggest you seek some help with your problem.

RateThisState · 28/04/2019 01:55

HAHAHAHA this cannot be real!
This is the weirdest thread 😂😂😂😂

Grainedmonkey · 28/04/2019 01:55

Yes, though the bins are a good distance from where we were sitting

Is this OP winding us up?

mathanxiety · 28/04/2019 01:56

Good manners would be not inviting yourself to a persons house when it’s been made clear that you wouldn’t be welcome.

Sometimes what is being said is so unbelievable and hard to understand that the person decides it couldn't possibly be real, and decides to visit regardless.

Responding to the suggestion of a coffee some time with the statement that you don't like people visiting is bonkers.

I am not surprised she dismissed your statement and gave a casual visit a whirl. Being so vehement about not welcoming others is incredibly unusual.

FiveShelties · 28/04/2019 01:57

Is this OP winding us up?

Surely not.Shock

StrippingTheVelvet · 28/04/2019 02:03

I don't think she is. I recognise her as a usually, quite sensible poster!

Mrmojorising71 · 28/04/2019 02:04

I'm sorry but to me this is everything that is wrong with society today, what has happened to friendship and community, what is the need for such insulation, it terrifies me

Grainedmonkey · 28/04/2019 02:04

Surely not

Yes sorry, I'm a bit slow on the uptake!

Brightburn · 28/04/2019 02:10

Honestly OP, you sound like a nutjob! If you don't want visitors fair enough but just say "sorry, now's not a good time" say your good byes and shut the door.

Don't go get chairs/toys/blankets/drinks and make them sit outside?!? You hiding a body in your house or something?

Really fucking weird.

e1y1 · 28/04/2019 02:12

Yes, though the bins are a good distance from where we were sitting

Well that's something at least. I guess?

Pipsqueak11 · 28/04/2019 02:13

What's the big deal with inviting them inside? Is your house a filthy pit and you were ashamed or something? I don't get it!

HoomanMoomin · 28/04/2019 02:14

Hahaha, I love it, OP. Grin
I bet she won’t come over like that again.

VaggieMight · 28/04/2019 02:15

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