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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 28/04/2019 01:02

How do you feel about postmen? Or trick-or-treaters? Or Jehovah’s Witnesses?

Italiangreyhound · 28/04/2019 01:02

OP I really do not like people turning up uninvited. However, i am very sociable and have quite a few friends. I think in your shoes I would have said I am really sorry we are not free at the moment and made a plan to meet another day by mutual agreement, or I would have said yes, let's go out to the nearest cafe or McDonalds for a drink etc.

I do think there is a difference between sitting on the driveway and sitting in the garden. But if it was anything other than a warm, sunny day I can't imagine wanting to sit in the garden.

I don't think I have ever dropped in unannounced to anyone. So I get it is not great for people to do that. But I think it was quite rude to make her sit on the drive and the fact she messaged you afterwards and was pleasant means she either values your friendship or is keen for your little boys to be friends. Friends are not always easy to come by, so in your shoes I'd find a way to make it work.

All the best, Thanks

Lalliella · 28/04/2019 01:03

OP: Was IBU?
Pretty much all posters: yes and incredibly rude.
OP: no I wasn’t.

Are you bothering to pay attention at all OP to what anyone is saying? Why bother posting in the first place?

And to say that you don’t want randoms in your house is beyond rude. She’s not a random. She’s just a fellow school mum who wanted to be friendly. You treated her really badly. You’ll end up with no friends at all and a really bad reputation with the school parents the way you’re going.

Teddybear45 · 28/04/2019 01:05

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Acis · 28/04/2019 01:06

I just don’t want randoms in my home

This is someone who, on your own admission, you know well enough to have had a few discussions with at school, and who is the mother of your child's friend. I wouldn't class someone like that as a random.

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 01:06

I’m not a horrible person, I have her 60p once when we were both in a queue together and she was short.

Perhaps she is lacking social skills, it would explain her behaviour.

OP posts:
Passtherioja · 28/04/2019 01:09

I think you're very anxious and as a result you respond in ways that seem rude.

Some people just think they can "pop in" ...if you're feeling odd about it contact her directly and say that you find that type of situation difficult and next time can you arrange it in advance ..even if you don't mean it then it will give you time to prepare an excuse!!

Teddybear45 · 28/04/2019 01:09

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Onynx · 28/04/2019 01:10

Op I don't think it's the visitor who is lacking in social skills - or basic manners. She was probably so stunned she didn't know how to react. I have visions of a Hyacinth Bouquet situation. It's sad that this is the way today's society is going- thankfully here we do still get visitors who just pop in if they are passing 😊

Annonymiss123 · 28/04/2019 01:10

Perhaps she is lacking social skills, it would explain her behaviour
The same could be said for you, to be fair! Hmm

cornish009 · 28/04/2019 01:11

Perhaps she is lacking social skills, it would explain her behaviour

LOL LOL....SHE is lacking in social skills????

Ihatehashtags · 28/04/2019 01:12

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Acis · 28/04/2019 01:14

What the big deal with sitting on the driveway? Why does sitting in a garden make it any different?

How often do you walk past someone's house and see them entertaining visitors on the driveway? Wouldn't you think it all extremely odd? It's just a fact that the social norm is either to entertain visitors inside the house or sitting in the garden, rather than in the place normally designated for cars to drive on.

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 01:15

I have met up with her at play centres, I just don’t want people in my home. I don’t see what’s wrong wrong with that.

DH wasn’t home when she first arrived, he came later after work and was “mortified” we were sat there.

Maybe you’re all right and I was unreasonable. I think she was too though.

If you believe I’m trolling then just report.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 28/04/2019 01:19

It’s a tough one though- report and the thread gets deleted or don’t report and read more mad stuff. Reporting is the dull option really isn’t it?

IWantMyHatBack · 28/04/2019 01:20

"Are you autistic?? That is beyond weird"

Do fuck off. Thanks.

ElevenSmiles · 28/04/2019 01:20

Not nice for your kids...They'll become known as the kids with the weird mom.

justarandomtricycle · 28/04/2019 01:21

I mean you had them sitting in your drive, brought them blankets when they got cold, and when it started to rain ...just sort of waited for them to leave?

I'm as antisocial as fuck but even I would recognize this as not just inhospitable, but saddening.

You kind of treated her and her kids like dogs to be honest, no wonder she was a bit glum afterwards, especially if she thought you might be friends.

If you don't want visitors that's fine, but there's no need to go the extra mile to humiliate people. YABU.

Willow2017 · 28/04/2019 01:22

Yeah like anyone actually would do that...

WhoEatsPopTarts · 28/04/2019 01:24

How big is your driveway?

Happyandglorious · 28/04/2019 01:25

Op I get that having unannounced guests is a pain extra clearing up etc but your child is going to suffer if you don't force yourself out of your comfort zone and have people over.
I get randoms showing up sounds annoying but it sounds much deeper than that if you dont want people in your home at all.
She sounds like she was looking for company and probably felt very hurt and didn't want to leave bc her child was having fun

Livingoncake · 28/04/2019 01:30

I agree with the PP who said you humiliated this woman. I feel really sorry for her. No, she shouldn’t have turned up unannounced, but to be told “All right, you can stay, but only on the front drive”... gosh, how crushing, especially being treated like that in the presence of her child.

OP, your child will end up with no friends if this is how you treat their parents. I would really hope that your child’s happiness is more important to you than not having “randoms in your home”. And I don’t blame your DH for being mortified.

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 01:32

I don’t think she is lacking friends, she has mentioned a few times about going out/ meeting up with people.

If she didn’t like sitting in the driveway she could’ve made her own excuses and left. Surely she is the odd one for staying?

Treated her like a dog? She had a chair, I made small talk with her and her child had toys to play with.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 28/04/2019 01:32

Perhaps she is lacking social skills, it would explain her behaviour.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

e1y1 · 28/04/2019 01:33

When you think you've read it all on MN and can't read anymore peculiarities of people, someone always delivers.

Agreed it's maybe not ideal for her to just drop by, but "entertaining" someone on the driveway is just completely bizarre.

If your front garden is laid out in a way whereby entertaining is normally done there (as in a defined, always there seating area with outdoor furniture in place) then I could understand.

But on a driveway? (just to check it's not a terminology thing - you mean the area leading up to your house where you park your car, wheel your bins up and down etc)

The image I've got of you dragging out chairs, toys, blankets and drinks to the driveway