To think tokophobia isn't a phobia but a normal reaction to the horror of childbirth

[TeenTitans]

And that the classification of it as a phobia is another symptom of society dismissing women's valid concerns as hysteria?

Even the most straight forward birth is still objectively awful. It's a large object being forced out of a small vagina. There are people who say they had a great birth but I highly doubt it would be up there with a romantic meal out, a good book or riveting film on anyones list of "fun things I'd like to be doing later".

Being afraid or repulsed by it seems very logical and classing women as mentally ill for voicing this isn't okaym

I would say i have aquired an aversion. It doesnt matter as i wont have more anyway. But poor treatment in labour and being forced to go epidural free would mean i wiuldnt have a second.
It is odd how some could say like d&v and period. That in no way represents my experience. A pain that cannotbe controled without opiates and epidural is pretty bad.
It is a pity we cannot induce tge pain in others to demonstrate it as otherwise you are left feeling a wimp etc.
I recently hurt my foot it was pretty painful maybe broken i couldnt walk. But no way similar to childbirth.

There's a real difference between nerves and a phobia.

Yes a lot of women are nervous about childbirth. I was a little anxious but I was mostly excited and happy and actually really looking forward to the experience.

So I think YABU because some women seriously suffer because of their phobia whereas others feel a little nervous and excited and it just can't be compared - you're comparing two different things which obviously doesn't work.

Also my birth wasn't awful, and it was nothing like the hideously painful and dramatic experience you're describing. The pain was much less then I was expecting and in many ways I'd say it WAS a pleasant experience. I think you're applying your own experience to literally every woman which is silly as everyone has a different experience.

@Helix1244 - It is a pity we cannot induce tge pain in others to demonstrate it as otherwise you are left feeling a wimp etc.

The only person that can make you feel like a wimp is yourself. I had relatively quick and easy, medication free labours. I found them to be positive, empowering experiences. That doesn't mean that I think everyone's experience is the same as mine.

I have friends who had really long and difficult labours and I have friends who have labours that were somewhere in the middle. The only labours I can speak authoritatively about are my own so I couldn't judge whether someone else was being a "wimp" or not. Even if I could, I wouldn't really care.

I have no need to have the pain you endured induced in me to recognise that your experience was different to mine. I think it's a bit nasty of you to wish a negative experience on others just because you "feel like a wimp, etc".

Every labour is so different as well. I have had a labour similar to that described by Bertrand Russel and another that was so bad I literals couldn’t believe I was still alive and in that much agony. I had nightmares about it for years after and was absolutely terrified of falling pregnant again.

Unless you have experienced the sort of agony that makes you go insane and wanting to kill yourself to stop it you can’t grasp how fear and revulsion can grip you.

I’m a little with the comparison to commenting on food to being disgusted by the blood poo pee and placenta of childbirth though.

I suspect there's a difference between being terrified of giving birth when you've never done it before and being terrified after you've had a bad experience.

Before having DS I was apprehensive about the actual birth, but excited and happy to be pregnant (until the all day sickness turned into frequent vomiting and struggling to keep any fluids at all down).

After pre-eclampsia, an induction etc. I certainly never wanted to be induced again. My fear was very specific. And it has meant I stuck with just the one DC. A year of frequently reliving the whole experience in excruciating detail and being told in no uncertain terms that I would not be allowed to choose a section over induction if it were necessary saw to that.

Even the best labour seems repulsive to me, the very act of it disturbs me. Someone described it as animalistic and that's what unnerves me I think!

@ParrotWithACarrot - Unless you have experienced the sort of agony that makes you go insane and wanting to kill yourself to stop it you can’t grasp how fear and revulsion can grip you.

There is a difference though between suffering a very traumatic event, as you did, and being traumatised by it, and having an unfounded phobia about an event that has not occurred. I'm not diminishing the suffering of people with tokophobia. I would imagine it is very debilitating but a phobia is generally irrational, rather than based on experience or logic.

Many of those who suffer tokophobia are not doing so as a result of a difficult labour or pregnancy. Obviously something led to this phobia but it can be difficult to pinpoint the cause. I suspect in your case any revulsion you feels towards the bodily fluid element in labour is more that it is triggering the trauma based on your experience, rather than a revulsion towards poo or wee or blood in isolation

isthisafreename

Yes that’s true. Just for clarity I don’t feel any revulsion at all I was just trying to understand why other women might feel it or develop tokophobia.

As much as my own experience was traumatic I didn’t feel revulsion or unwarranted fear and actually went on to have a much nicer birthing experience afterwards.

I’m just wondering whether actual tokophobia is a result of something traumatic usually or found in mums who have never actually given birth.

Parrot I've had it since six years old. I've known since childhood I didn't want to give birth.

@ParrotWithACarrot - As much as my own experience was traumatic I didn’t feel revulsion or unwarranted fear and actually went on to have a much nicer birthing experience afterwards.

I'm glad to hear you had a positive experience on your next one.

I'd say the fact you didn't develop revulsion or unwarranted fear supports the notion that it's not just a result of a negative experience, although I'm sure some people could develop it as a result of a negative experience. Maybe the same way some people who are bitten develop a phobia of dogs while others don't, and some people with a dog phobia haven't had a negative experience?

Some people claim to have tokophobia when they have a normal trepidation about giving birth

Other women have tokophobia - some women will tell you quite calmly that they will have an abortion or kill themselves rather than go through a vaginal birth (I've known one woman holding her baby in her arms who said if she'd have realised she couldn't have an epidural she'd have had an abortion - she gave birth within 20 minutes of walking into the hospital, the only reason she didn't get one)

@TeenTitan - I've had it since six years old. I've known since childhood I didn't want to give birth.

Do you know what triggered it?

There is primary and secondary tokophobia - primary tokophobia is those who have never given birth, secondary tends to be a reaction to a previous birth

My first birth wasn't great (was ok till the shift change and had a midwife I didn't get on with) but it was after the second that I realised how it COULD be - and it was a massive sense of empowerment. With my youngest the older kids ended up being present - they are all now in their late teens (2 girls 1 boy) I don't think it's put either of the girls off - one isn't sure if she wants children at all (so maybe her), the other is adament she wants two in the future, just not for a few
years

FireBum
I could have written your post.

TeenTitans what was it at 6 that triggered it. Was it you that mentioned the birth video? I’ve just tried skimming back and can’t find the post.

It wasn't a video, I have no idea what it was, I think it was just the idea of squeezing a baby out that really bothered me and the more I learned about it as I got older, the more disturbing I found it.

It’s a shame there’s so much negativity shared about childbirth. I recall being scared out of my mind by a birthing video aged 16 at school (designed to scare us off). I was also bombarded with traumatic birth stories by friends/ randomers in cafes when I was heavily pregnant. All of these things made me terrified of childbirth!! In fact, I’ve had wonderful labours and really empowering, loving, amazing experiences of giving birth to my babies - I was on such a high!! I felt like superwoman afterwards!! That feeling of them being placed on my chest and looking at me for the first time... I just remember it being absolute magical!! I think more positivity and encouragement for childbirth may help dispel the irrational fear for some (although not all) women.

I don't understand how it can be positive and wonderful. I accept that for some people it can, but I don't understand it.

Yabu

I didn’t find it repulsive at all, such a harsh word for it, I do have two other phobias though and I feel for anyone who has a reaction that strongly against childbirth

Painful yes but also good in parts - especially the hb

I think the fact you can die giving birth doesn’t make a phobia of it ‘irrational’ as such.

It can be wonderful, amazing, profound but also none of those things and bloody dangerous. Any woman’s feelings about it should be respected imo.

It really and truly can be! I accept that it can’t be for all women and obviously some women have traumatic births... but birthing a baby doesn’t have to be and isn’t always like that. For me, it just felt like my body knew what it was doing and it was doing the most natural thing in the world in bringing baby into my arms. Once the water broke, it felt like i had an urge to do it, in a similar way to the way you need to drink when you’re thirsty or scratchy when you’re itchy... I just HAD to get baby into the world. It felt amazing when she came, just indescribable joy. To the comment about it not being more pleasurable gab reading a book or watching a film, I just cannot get my head around that - it’s the birth of your new tiny baby into the world!! Yes there is pain, but somehow my body just knew that pain was OK and that I was designed to do this thing and it would be worth it. It’s like how I don’t notice the pain of plucking my eyebrows for example, because I know it’s a necessary temporary little pain for a worthwhile outcome - imagine that on a monumental scale! Big pain for the biggest reward ever!!! Your baby!!! I would do it every single weekend if I could manage with all those babies!!! 🤣🤣😂😂😂 Look I’m not saying it’s wonderful for all women, just that it’s an amazing thing for lots of women and I wish more pregnant women knew that and worried less.

@ParrotWithACarrot - I think the fact you can die giving birth doesn’t make a phobia of it ‘irrational’ as such.

But you can also die in a plane crash and I thick most people accept that a phobia of flying is mainly irrational.

No, it's definitely a phobia for me. Part of my mental illness.