To think tokophobia isn't a phobia but a normal reaction to the horror of childbirth

[TeenTitans]

And that the classification of it as a phobia is another symptom of society dismissing women's valid concerns as hysteria?

Even the most straight forward birth is still objectively awful. It's a large object being forced out of a small vagina. There are people who say they had a great birth but I highly doubt it would be up there with a romantic meal out, a good book or riveting film on anyones list of "fun things I'd like to be doing later".

Being afraid or repulsed by it seems very logical and classing women as mentally ill for voicing this isn't okaym

^ agree with Bertrand Russel.

I’ve had three births. First one was objectively straightforward but looking back quite scary for me as had no previous experience. Second and third were brilliant. Natural high afterwards, similar to when ran marathon and was buzzing and proud once had finished, having found the actual run a grind.

And each time, I was looking forward to the birth (despite being a bit nervous) because it was tied in with the excitement of having a new baby.

Appreciate that was fortunate to have good experiences, but even first time wasn’t expecting a repulsive event - no sense of revulsion. Because my brain tells me it’s normal and part and parcel of reproduction. Having a label or word to describe a phobia that can limit a woman choosing to have a child despite separately wanting the baby at the end of it is not unhelpful. It recognises that there can be an extreme fear that limits one’s choices and can result in help appropriate to deal with that fear or (if no help enough) a means for the person to understand why their choices are more limited.

There are many phobias that are an extension of a rational fear. Fear of heights and flying immediately spring to mind. Both a bit scary in their own right if you think about it - a little fear of both being prudent and probably evolutionary. There are lots of people that are a bit scared of flying, but there are others that experience such anxiety, that they couldn't get on a plane for example.

Likewise, being apprehensive or a bit scared about giving birth, is probably quite normal. Being unable to bring yourself to try and conceive - even though you desperately want a child - because your so scared of childbirth, would be a phobia of child birth.

I don't think people with a normal aversion to birth are phobic. I also think a lot of women would describe themselves as phobic, when actually they're just scared - people self diagnosing mental health issues happens a the time. But to say that a woman has a phobia of birth, isn't about designating a woman as "hysterical", it's about recognising an excessive anxiety that is having an impact on the way she is wishing to live her life - which is the basic criteria for many anxiety related disorders.

“Bertrand it is in most cases a negative thing though isn't it? Few (not none) have a painless birth.”

I don’t think so. Do you think it can only be a positive experience if it’s painless?

It’s a point of view/ perspective though. Yes my labours hurt, but not significantly more than a bad period and the mental positivity associated with the pain (the process of my body doing what it was designed to do and the thrill of a new baby) outweighed the pain significantly. So not negative for me.

YABU. The level of fear experienced by sufferers oftokophobia is serious and requires medical intervention. It’s not a normal or a rational fear. If you feel that your fear is rational then perhaps you have been misdiagnosed? A someone with a (mild) phobia I can tell you the difference. Fear is controllable, explicable and so on but the fear of a phobia is sheer terror. It’s primal and oncobtrolable.

Again - like a marathon. The actual running hurt a bit and was pretty arduous/exhausting. Endorphins and feeling of happiness at the end outweighed the process of gettting to the end and this was predictable to me. Would be more likely to want another birth experience than another marathon.

Would also say as someone who doesn’t fear labour that a fear of labour in the modern context isn’t rational unless you have a prior history of problem/some kind of complicating feature. It’s really completely fine. A bit painful but if you don’t like pain you can always opt for an epidural.

Agreed with janleverton, I’d choose giving birth over a marathon any day.

I don’t think so. Do you think it can only be a positive experience if it’s painless?

Usually, yes. It's like saying a blood test is enjoyable or a tooth extraction.

Boggles the thought of vaginal birth fills me with dread and makes me feel sick, and since I was 6 I've been afraid of dying in childbirth. I just don't think that response is particularly irrational given the reality

I think to say you have a phobia of it minimises what’s so many women do each day that's like saying a phobia of heights minimises what window cleaners and firemen do. It doesn't.

Someone else's fear in no way reflects on me or my experiences.

I too agree with Bertrand. I was nervous/ scared ahead my first birth, of course. But it was incredibly positive and afterwards I found myself being quite envious of other women who had it all yet to experience after me. My dsis had said the same to me after her first when I was pregnant and I looked at her like she was crazy. I was truly excited for the birth of my second. Sure, still a little nervous - you never know what kind of a birth you'll have. But it was likewise an incredibly positive experience for me. I can honestly say, having broken my leg recently, that it was so much worse than giving birth - the pain brought me to tears, whereas childbirth didn't. I realise I'm incredibly fortunate and genuinely feel for women who have terrible experiences. Many people say they have a phobia when in fact they have a fear. But many have a genuine phobia. Most women I think would say they fear childbirth, while at the same time seeing it as wholly positive, but for some it is genuinely limiting their life choices due to thr scale of the fear.

@teentitans perhaps you are misinformed then? Nothing particularly dreadful happens during your average vaginal birth. At most you end up with a bit of scarring which gets stitched up and heals quickly. Bad things only tend to happen when there is something wrong with the mother/the child is in a bad position/waters break prematurely etc. A normal healthy woman is unlikely to come to any harm during childbirth.

“
I don’t think so. Do you think it can only be a positive experience if it’s painless?

Usually, yes. It's like saying a blood test is enjoyable or a tooth extraction.”

I didn’t say enjoyable. I said positive. Lots of painful things can be positive.

Also worth point put that some people like pain what with bdsm and people who exercise and all that.

I don't think using words like "horror" is helpful to people who are fearful. I honestly didn't find giving birth horrific.

Boggles It's not that severe outcomes are likely, it's that even minor issues are quite nasty. And that if something serious does happen, the severeity not the likelihood is the issue

No, pain is not an automatic negative to me. The OP has catastrophic thinking about this subject at best, or is just being plain goady at worst! Phobias are quite different to being nervous or not liking something.

The pushing stage was magical. My body knew how to do something I didn't and just took over. And making a new human being, a combination of myself and the person I loved most! It was like having a superpower.

So it's fair to say I don't have that phobia. I can understand why others would. Childbirth is like nothing else.

TeenTitans- I think you are wrong about this. Of course fear is natural and understandable, but paralysing, debilitating fear isn’t. There is lots that can be done to help people with phobias-if you are thinking about having a baby, a diagnosed phobia means you can ask for an elective Caesarian if that would get you round the problem. Have you talked to your doctor about this? That’s the first step.

I think society as a whole are a bit blah about childbirth and don't really see it for what it is. It's barbaric for a lot of women.

Main reason I didn't have kids. Mum had 3 easy births, so not sure where this fear came from. My first husband wanted kids, but I didn't.

I think I can trace it back to a particularly terrifying childbirth video we watched in sex ed! I remember Helen Mirren saying something similar.

Never understood why mammals have it so hard. Why can't we lay eggs?

We weren't made to birth the size of the babies we do and our pelvis is narrower now due to walking bipedal. Evolution did us a stiff one

@teentitans - not everyone thinks it's horrendous. I've given birth 3 times and loved each birth. It was a very positive experience for me. I know not everyone feels like that, maybe you need to be more aware that not everyone feels the way you do