To think tokophobia isn't a phobia but a normal reaction to the horror of childbirth

[TeenTitans]

And that the classification of it as a phobia is another symptom of society dismissing women's valid concerns as hysteria?

Even the most straight forward birth is still objectively awful. It's a large object being forced out of a small vagina. There are people who say they had a great birth but I highly doubt it would be up there with a romantic meal out, a good book or riveting film on anyones list of "fun things I'd like to be doing later".

Being afraid or repulsed by it seems very logical and classing women as mentally ill for voicing this isn't okaym

I find childbirth repulsive and anything connected with it - periods, pregnancy, babies, breastfeeding and so on. I had vaginismus for years I think it stemmed from a fear around childbirth. I once accidentally watched a minute of OBEM and came out in hives. I always promised myself as a teen that I’ve never put myself through it and if I got pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion, I’d jump off a cliff. Do I want to hold your newborn? Absolutely not, I can barely look at it. It’s an easy phobia to deal with though, just don’t have a baby

@BelulahBlanca no it isn't repulsive to YOU. Hannah clearly states she PERSONALLY finds it repulsive, not that it's a statement of fact

It probably is a real phobia but only effects a very very small percentage of woman.

But - people with normal rational fear are jumping on the bandwagon so that they can have c sections.

You should be scared. It's painful and dangerous, and it's the first of many sacrafices you have to make for your kids. If you don't want to go through it (and you don't have a phobia) maybe you shouldn't have a child.

I don't know what sex ed involves now, but I think we were shown horrible videos too early on. I was a very innocent child and very sheltered. I hadn't even start thinking about boys, let alone motherhood, when we were shown this labour film. I hadn't even started puberty myself! Way too soon IMO.

"All you're doing here is seeking validation for your phobia. That in itself is a manifestation of the phobia."

This

I'm not sure I agree OP, as it refers both to the fear of being pregnant and/ or fear of giving birth.

I was/am terrified of pregnancy. I can't describe it. The birth part was what it was. I was so relieved that the pregnancy was just going to be over, and end well that I didn't have any massive concerns over the birth, and looking back, if I was brave enough to ever TTC #2 it would be the pregnancy that scares me, not the birth.

I am disturbed by people saying that normal human bodily functions are repulsive or disgusting.

I wonder what the stats are on women who have this phobia and as a result decided to remain child-free.

@BelulahBlanca it is repulsive to me.

Some people have tokophobia.
Some are more nervous about labour than others.
Some are aware of risks and hoping not to be impacted - and never particularly nervous about them.
There’s a whole range of responses - and only a small number are tokophobia.

I was really excited about labour.
I had a great experience.
Partly because of positive mindset and preparation, I believe - allowing my muscles to work as they should, not be fighting me in fear. Please don’t anyone accuse me of smugness - I think it helped but it wasn’t the deciding factor. My sister was equally positive and prepared, had a large baby, failed to progress, emergency CS... difficult labours are not the woman’s fault. But it is possibly to look forward to and be excited about labour.

I arrived at hospital 9cm dilated and had my baby 2 hours later. Yes, at times it was painful. But to me, it was similar to challenges that I’ve done like difficult climbing routes. It was more exhilarating because it was hard. I felt I’d achieved so much.

I only have one child, and my only regret about that is that I’d love to experience labour not as a first timer.

Tokophobia is very real - but so is not worrying.

I am disturbed by people saying that normal human bodily functions are repulsive or disgusting

I am often surprised how squeamish people are by all sorts of things. There was a thread where lots of people were ewwwwwwwing at the thought of eating vegetable risotto and saying it looked like sick.

I loved being pregnant and giving birth. It was the most wonderful experience for me, and I looked forward to giving birth to dc2 after my first experience. If I believed that I would be ok handing over a baby (I’m very sure I couldn’t do it) I would be a surrogate in a heartbeat. Both of my birthing experiences were straightforward though, with no complications.

"Complications that occur primarily during childbirth are termed obstetric labor complications, and problems that occur primarily after childbirth are termed puerperal disorders. Severe complications of pregnancy, childbirth, and the puerperium are present in 1.6% of mothers in the US[1] and in 1.5% of mothers in Canada.[2] In the immediate postpartum period (puerperium), 87% to 94% of pregnant individuals report at least one health problem.[3][4] Long-term health problems (persisting after six months postpartum) are reported by 31% of pregnant individuals.[5]

In 2016, complications of pregnancy, childbirth, and the puerperium resulted globally in 230,600 deaths, down from 377,000 deaths in 1990. The most common causes of maternal mortality are maternal bleeding, maternal sepsis and other infections, hypertensive diseases of pregnancy, obstructed labor, and pregnancy with abortive outcome, which includes miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, and elective abortion.[6]"

That is from a simple Wikipedia search. There are many mothers who have ptsd from their birth experiences because it was so tramatizing. Majority of women who go through natural birth will experience some urinary incontinence.

If you think it's "disturbing" that some people find birth to be repulsive then perhaps it's because you have an idealised romantic vision of birth. I've read a lot about birth before deciding I don't want kids and my conclusion is that it's repulsive. That's just my personal views.

Agreed.

I find the idea of carrying a child and childbirth horrifying. Personally I'd never choose to do it. It isn't a phobia, it's perfectly rational- that stuff is f*cked up. 'People coming out of people eeeeeeeeech' lol.

It’s not objectively pleasant, no. But not repulsive or unpleasant

But it’s not a one size fits all (excuse the pun) every birth is different. Of course some births are deeply unpleasant and repulsive for some women.

Women often poo during labour and we are naturally programmed to find that repulsive. Afterbirth looks pretty grim. I don't think it’s ‘abnormal’ to be repulsed by it.

We all find different things disgusting and different fears don't we? I have seen more repulsive stuff than giving birth, see I am fine with blood (being gory etc) but I am terrified of vomit, and having woken up in my own vomit before many times after seizures that is more disgusting to me compared to bodily fluids.

Likewise I loathe the dentist, quite frankly I would rather go through childbirth again than get my wisdom teeth out again.

*compared to experiencing bleeding.

@Hannahmates that is globally, including developing countries.

I still don't think that making a brand new life is repulsive though, I'm not repulsed by bodily fluids and am just fascinated.

I think it must be real. I wasn't particularly nervous, scared, repulsed or phobic or pregnancy or labour. I had a great pregnancy, labour and birth, and actually the birth was a really wonderful (but sore) experience. I know others that felt the same as me - so if I feel that way, I then must acknowledge that others have a very different reaction to it, and perhaps there's is one of fear. Like some one above said 'Tokophobia is very real - but so is not worrying'.

I wonder what the stats are on women who have this phobia and as a result decided to remain child-free.

Probably most of them?
My fear of being pregnant and giving birth (naturally or CS) outweighs any biological desire to do it.

I'm fine holding other people's small babies tho.

If you don't want to go through it (and you don't have a phobia) maybe you shouldn't have a child.

Why? There are other ways to give birth.

I agree with Hannah. It's repulsive imo.

When my children were little, I used to get very cross if they called other people’s food choices disgusting or repulsive or made sick noises. Fine not to like them- not fine to make value judgements about them. I have to say I feel a bit the same about some posters on this thread.

I suffer from Tokophobia, its an awful, all consuming monster.

I really wanted children & put if off until I was 36. I looked into the option of going private to guarantee a c section. I spoke to a clinic and they provided that option and I got pregnant. It took longer that I thought, I suffered a miscarriage the first time then got pregnant again. I contacted the clinic & they no longer provided c section's ( due insurance reasons) the consultant advised me to seek one on the NHS.

I initially didn't want to do that, the stress of having to explain how this condition feels, to actually put it into words that people would understand. But I had no choice now. Longer story short, I spoke to my consultant & midwife, they were brilliant. So understanding, the relief we unbelievable.

This fear had consumed me throughout my pregnancy, I woke up screaming numerous nights have night terrors, scratching myself. My husband was really worried. So was I. In the end I got a c section, it went really well & I have no regrets.

I feel Its such a Taboo subject which people still have little understanding of - the only people I've told are my husband & my mum.

I think most of us live lives where we don’t really have to feel like animals much, and birth and death are the last remaining reminders of that.

Like Bertrand, I am disturbed by some people’s feelings about natural bodily functions, though. There was a thread a bit ago where several posters thought a newborn’s nappy was something too disgusting to go in their outside bin.