To think this sounds like a holiday from absolute hell??

[tiffanygoldduck]

DHs grandmother has just died and so his parents have just inherited a decent amount of money.

They have offered to pay to take our family (me, DH, DS6, DS5, DD3 and DS13mnths) and SILs family (SIL, her DH and 3 kids B13, G8 and G5) to Disneyworld in the summer holidays for 2 weeks. They plan on booking a villa and then us doing all the amusement parks, having some time to explore and go shopping etc.

All seems ideal- aside from the fact DH and SIL don’t get on and haven’t spoken for nearly 2.5 years (she hasn’t even met our youngest and has met DD a handful of times and I doubt our elder 2 will even know who she/their uncle/their cousins are). There have been attempts of phone call reconciliation to no avail. She has refused to come to every family event if DH is attending (meaning that most have been split 50/50)

SIL has agreeed to this holiday being aware that DH has been invited too- but she is very greedy, hates spending money and both me and DH have agreed she will be nicey nicey until we are on holiday and all hell will break loose which will ruin the holiday for everyone and upset MIL because it isn’t going to be cheap and she is trying to do something that none of us will ever be able to afford otherwise without getting into debt.

SIL is MIL “golden child”- and MIL thinks it effects DH, when in reality he couldn’t really give a shit anymore. DH is very reasonable in that he always tells MIL to put SIL first- which he can’t see then gives SIL a golden ticket to rub it in his face even more.

DH has suggested I go with the D.C. and he stays behind, which I don’t think is fair- especially when it’s his family paying.

He doesn’t want to suggest his parents taking SILs family and us doing something else, because he doesn’t want to see as being grabby.

We are both gutted —mostly for us not the kids— that there doesn’t seem to be a easy way round this

AIBU?

Think your DH needs to grow up and be grateful, he should put his DC first instead of arguing with his sister. Shocking behaviour really.

Far too many people under the same roof for 2 weeks.

I wouldn't go. Maybe that's what they're all counting on anyway? A very odd move on Mils part.

My husband's family have some weird dynamics too. None of the hate, but SIL is the golden child, always the victim, never to be criticised. DH is always the disappointment. I've no time for such bullshittery.

Say thanks but no thanks and accept that your ungratefulness will be whispered about.

A true gift would've been giving both families the £10k or whatever it would cost, to go on a holiday of your choosing.

Florida is also horrendously humid in the summer.

SIL might get eaten by a crocodile while you're out there.

I wouldn’t go. If your sil won’t even be around your dh normally it sounds dreadful and like the mil is trying to push everyone together to sort things out. I wouldn’t be having that at all. It’s not her issue to try to resolve.

My family did this after an elderly relative died, 11 of us altogether. But we stayed in a motel, had hire cars and were able to be very independent if we wanted to be, but we did some of the big parks together. BUT we had no family conflict.

Could you suggest something like this OP? All of you under the same roof sounds like a recipe for disaster even if you all got on ok!

Holidays can be stressful enough, worse when you are in a family group where everyone has to 'play nice'. And that is when you all get on normally!

In this situation I would just say 'thank you but no thank you, I dont think this will work for us'

If DPiL press say that the family dynamic wont work and that it would be more enjoyable for all if DPiL planned two separate holidays. If they dont want to do this then just say no.

Dont say anything to your DCs they are young enough for this all to pass them by. In fact they are too young to get much out of that sort of holiday.

I think also he needs to grow up. The pair of you are already sitting slating your sister in law. She's grabby, greedy, going to cause hell, play nicey nicey at first.

Either grow up and take the kids, and try not to bitch about her, or don't go and have everyone miss out.

We have been to Florida many times with friends and I agree it’s a lot of people in one villa.

Could you suggest staying in three smaller townhouses or two smaller villas. Honestly at the end of a long day you need some space to sound off about the day. However much you love your family or friends (and you don’t on this occasion) holidaying in such close proximity is very tough.

Don’t go, withor without DH. Either scenario won’t work.

I'd decline. It's likely to all kick off. With kids ranging between 13-1 it's going to be hard work to keep them all entertained before you even get to the difficulties with your DH and his sister.

Sounds horrific. Presumably MIL knows they don't talk?! What is she thinking by inviting you all?!

Quite apart from the toxic family dynamics, I can't think of anywhere I would less want to take a family holiday than the Florida theme parks!

Not my idea of fun.

Suggest a - much cheaper - separate alternative for you and the PIL. Something like Eurocamp is great with kids - less travel, relaxed, kids happy, no queueing, continental food instead of American rubbish.

I wouldn’t go, I would ask for money for a different holiday instead, they can only say no.

Don't go, you can dodge this particular bullet op

Just make sure you hire your own car if you do go. One that only fits in your family. Then you'll have more freedom.

I'd go. But then I can put up with just about anyone. Just go and be nice, if SIL wants to be a dick let her, what's the worst she could do?

Dont go. Your kids are too young for that to be a holiday

Check out the prices of 2 x 6 bed villas compared to 1 x 12 bed villa and see if that would work. MIL can stay with SILs family and split her time between both. As long as you have separate living accommodation and the means to travel around independently it might work.

I would stay somewhere else, if you can afford that? At least you then only meet for limited time.

All under one roof for two weeks after no contact for 2 years?! Hell, that is an ITV documentary!!

It sounds as if your MIL is trying to use the holiday to make everyone reconcile, which if SIL was always the golden child means your DH (and you, and your family) getting back into his childhood role of doing whatever SIL wants in order to keep the peace. MIL won't be able to see what's wrong with that either. Don't go, it'll be rubbish, and when it does all go tits up it'll be your family that gets the blame.

That holiday sounds like it caters to your SIL’s kids ages, as a group, much more than yours. 5 and 6 is the youngest I’d take any child. You’ll end up taking turns going on rides with the older two while the other sits with your 3yo and baby. Florida will be very humid and the later in the summer you go more prone to storms too. I reckon this has all been suggested by SIL to get the holiday she wants, she either thinks your family won’t come or she doesn’t care anyway and will behave as she pleases. I’d say no too. I can’t imagine doing the flight with 4 children your ages let alone the rest of it!

All those people under one roof for two weeks, even if they are the best of friends, can be very trying. Add in to that the relationship difficulties between your DH and SIL and it has ww3 written all over it.
I would suggest sitting down with PIL and explaining that whilst you really appreciate their kind and generous offer and would love to go, you don't think it's fair to subject them to the potential conflict and ruin their holiday. It's worth suggesting separate villas, maybe you could offer to pay the price difference if there is one. Or, if they haven't looked into accommodation look at the resorts near Disney that offer the condos (large 2 - 3 bed apartments) wi5 shared pools, at least you could have your own space and they are good value.

That holiday would be very hard work with those age children. (Yours).