To think this sounds like a holiday from absolute hell??

[tiffanygoldduck]

DHs grandmother has just died and so his parents have just inherited a decent amount of money.

They have offered to pay to take our family (me, DH, DS6, DS5, DD3 and DS13mnths) and SILs family (SIL, her DH and 3 kids B13, G8 and G5) to Disneyworld in the summer holidays for 2 weeks. They plan on booking a villa and then us doing all the amusement parks, having some time to explore and go shopping etc.

All seems ideal- aside from the fact DH and SIL don’t get on and haven’t spoken for nearly 2.5 years (she hasn’t even met our youngest and has met DD a handful of times and I doubt our elder 2 will even know who she/their uncle/their cousins are). There have been attempts of phone call reconciliation to no avail. She has refused to come to every family event if DH is attending (meaning that most have been split 50/50)

SIL has agreeed to this holiday being aware that DH has been invited too- but she is very greedy, hates spending money and both me and DH have agreed she will be nicey nicey until we are on holiday and all hell will break loose which will ruin the holiday for everyone and upset MIL because it isn’t going to be cheap and she is trying to do something that none of us will ever be able to afford otherwise without getting into debt.

SIL is MIL “golden child”- and MIL thinks it effects DH, when in reality he couldn’t really give a shit anymore. DH is very reasonable in that he always tells MIL to put SIL first- which he can’t see then gives SIL a golden ticket to rub it in his face even more.

DH has suggested I go with the D.C. and he stays behind, which I don’t think is fair- especially when it’s his family paying.

He doesn’t want to suggest his parents taking SILs family and us doing something else, because he doesn’t want to see as being grabby.

We are both gutted —mostly for us not the kids— that there doesn’t seem to be a easy way round this

AIBU?

Firstly it will be humid and hot and it’s not the time of year we would go. Yes, your kids are a wee bit young but I think it rude to say that to the people who have offered to pay.

Getting a villa to fit you all probably won’t be possible. Perhaps suggest 2 villas or apartments on a gated complex.

Your in-laws go for 2 weeks and your SiL's family and yours go for a week each (different weeks)?

Well, we went on a similar extended family holiday paid for by in-laws three years ago. By the time we left, we'd had an almighty falling out with DHs brother and his wife and they have refused to see or speak to us since. So look at it this way, at least you're already on bad terms - can it get any worse ?!

Seriously, I would never do something like that again. It was hideous and has had a long lasting effect on our family, particularly for the cousins who no longer see each other, and on my PILs who have to deal with a divided family.

zingally

Your reply was pretty much what DH and I said to MIL when she proposed a two-week family holiday to Florida to celebrate her 70th.

It had been discussed and agreed when she got together with DH’s two brothers and their families and we were told afterwards. The slight difference was it was only the flights that were being paid for.

It caused a massive rift - DH’s younger brother accused us of refusing to celebrate MIL’s birthday at all. The way he reacted reassured us we’d made the right decision.

Can you afford to pay for your own accommodation? We're paying £900 for two weeks, in a 2 bed apartment within a complex.

I wouldn't stay in the villa with all those people, no way!

Your DH suggested you go without him and shepherd 4 CD under 6 alone for two weeks? HOW KIND! :D grief what a nightmare.

I wouldn't go OP, not if SIL and DH can't work out their differences properly before the date - and it sounds like they can't. Your PIL must know the dynamic is not healthy, I second telling them it would likely be more fun for everyone if they planned two holidays rather than setting the stage for a bomb that could permanently fracture the family.

CD lol! DC

I agree that the kids are too young to get all that much out of it. Since it's one of those bucket list family holidays and very expensive, it's probably better to wait 5 years. You can't actually afford to go - regardless of being subbed - and it's a long way to take an under 2. You have good reasons to give. Could you suggest that they all go to Disneyland Florida as planned but that you go with your parents in law for a 3 days break at EuroDisney, staying in a hotel, later in the year? Florida is not going to end well and you'll come home in debt.

There’s so much to do in Orlando and in a big villa you won’t get under each other’s feet. Rent a car and you’ll be fine

I wouldn’t go even without the SIL dynamics I always think big family holidays sound lovely but the reality is very different. It is a kind gesture of your ILs but I would feel very uncomfortable about accepting such a generous gift, personally I would never offer to pay for a family holiday like that, as a parent to adult children I would prefer to offer them the money as a gift and then they choose where to go, how to spend it etc. And I would not go with them.

Florida in August is insane, btw. Insane. And standing in long queues for everything (rides, toilets, food, etc) in the incredibly hot, humid weather with tiny children who can't even go on most of the rides is nuts. And you'll pay a lot for the privilege.

I'd pass on that alone.

Disney land for your kids ages just isn't going to work at all.
I would think that your mil only wants to take your sil and so invited all of you knowing that you would refuse to go. That way she still gets the kudos and the result she wants.
I would say, a family holiday sounds lovely but since we have such young children maybe we could do something more fitting for all the family. Post links to great family hotels that would cater for all ages.

Disney
In the summer
In a villa
With relatives that don't get on

No fucking way.

Disney at the end of October was hard enough.

Disneyland for TWO weeks? That alone sounds like a holiday from hell.

Stuck under the same roof as in-laws for TWO weeks? Final nail in the coffin.

With the exception of the 13 month old (who will be closer to 18 months anyway), I would say OP's children are the perfect ages for getting the magic out of the trip actually. We took DSD just as she turned 4 and she was tall enough for all but about 6 more thrilling rides. She loved the characters, parades and fireworks though, her face was priceless.

I never understand the 'they won't remember it' spiel. People presumably still take their children to farms, park, zoos etc. without the concern that they will forget

Yanbu, taking a 1 year old and 3 year old to Florida would be hell on its own. Just politely decline is my advice regardless of issues with SIL.

unihorn the OP has 4 children, the oldest of whom is 6. The flight alone would be horrendous!

That's not a holiday that I would fancy under any circs, so it would be a no thank you from me.

If they then wanted to suggest something else & pay for it, fine, if not, also fine.

It's a lovely idea but not going to work.

I'd say youd like to do something in the future if they reconcile but everyone under the same roof for 2 weeks while 2 families dont speak, is a recipe for disaster.

Suggest you trial it for a long weekend this year in a cottage in the UK and see how it goes and if it goes well then you book for next year abroad?

I've been to Disneyland Florida (as an 18yo) and I wouldn't go in the summer with small children. The weather is way too hot and the parks are heaving. Queues are an hour or so and very difficult to keep little ones entertained in the same spot for that long. Honestly, even we struggled to stand up that long and wait.

We've done a UK holiday with family who mostly get on (only two kids each so a bit smaller plus grandparents) and being with everyone all the time was tough. We worked together the share the cooking and had a shopping delivery, but DH and I would 'get lost' on the way home from a day out with everyone (had to do everything together!!) just to get some space and vent in the car (when the youngest was asleep and we bought the older one noise cancelling headphones ). We actually wouldn't repeat it without having our own accommodation and transport, and knowing that there wasn't an expectation to do everything together. It was just annoying waiting for everyone to get ready (we're an up early family but not everyone is, so we were entertaining kids while people slept until late morning).

I like the suggestion of each going for one week. It would be cheaper to rent a smaller villa and TBH some days were just nice to play in the pool and enjoy the lovely weather without the scrum of a theme park, or to find something more suitable for your little ones. Otherwise it's a compromise of activities that are going to be way more suited to your SIL's kids leaving you or DH holding the baby (quite literally).

We did DisneyLand Paris with a 4.5yo and there really wasn't much she could go on. Luckily she was the only child in our large party of adults so there were lots of relatives really happy to either go on the little rides with her or walk around with her while DH and I went on the bigger rides. She's tall and loves rollercoasters but it honestly wasn't the best fit for her at that age. Much better now she's 9.

Imo the likelihood of tension and arguments increases exponentially with the number of people present, even if they all get on normally. Six adults and 7 children in one house sounds horrendous, and that's before you factor in the heat, over-excited and over-tired children and the fatigue from the long flight.

It's a big fat no from me!

You can always explain that your youngest 2 are too little to really enjoy the theme park thing, and that August in Florida would be too hot for them, when you politely decline her offer.

Otherwise it's a compromise of activities that are going to be way more suited to your SIL's kids leaving you or DH holding the baby (quite literally).

This ^

Why don’t you ask for them to pay for a seperate holiday. Say that you desperately need the time as a couple and the thought of a big group and kids overwhelms you insert excuse. Sometimes lying your way out of a 20 person in-law holiday is ok, it’s the kind thing to do for yourself and everyone. Ask if you can all go out for a dinner instead.

Don't go OP. Your kids are too young to enjoy it, FL is very hot and humid in the summer and everyone will be sweating and stressed, and the thought of 12 people in one house for 2 weeks is horrendous. I come from a big extended family and we do go away together, but only ever for one week at a time. That's plenty - and we all get on quite well! The thought of going away for all that time with two adults who won't speak to one another is horrifying. Just decline. You can go to FL when your kids are older. You have four under the age of six - that's not a recipe for fun in 100 degrees.

Florida at the height of summer?

That alone would be a deal breaker.