To think this sounds like a holiday from absolute hell??

[tiffanygoldduck]

DHs grandmother has just died and so his parents have just inherited a decent amount of money.

They have offered to pay to take our family (me, DH, DS6, DS5, DD3 and DS13mnths) and SILs family (SIL, her DH and 3 kids B13, G8 and G5) to Disneyworld in the summer holidays for 2 weeks. They plan on booking a villa and then us doing all the amusement parks, having some time to explore and go shopping etc.

All seems ideal- aside from the fact DH and SIL don’t get on and haven’t spoken for nearly 2.5 years (she hasn’t even met our youngest and has met DD a handful of times and I doubt our elder 2 will even know who she/their uncle/their cousins are). There have been attempts of phone call reconciliation to no avail. She has refused to come to every family event if DH is attending (meaning that most have been split 50/50)

SIL has agreeed to this holiday being aware that DH has been invited too- but she is very greedy, hates spending money and both me and DH have agreed she will be nicey nicey until we are on holiday and all hell will break loose which will ruin the holiday for everyone and upset MIL because it isn’t going to be cheap and she is trying to do something that none of us will ever be able to afford otherwise without getting into debt.

SIL is MIL “golden child”- and MIL thinks it effects DH, when in reality he couldn’t really give a shit anymore. DH is very reasonable in that he always tells MIL to put SIL first- which he can’t see then gives SIL a golden ticket to rub it in his face even more.

DH has suggested I go with the D.C. and he stays behind, which I don’t think is fair- especially when it’s his family paying.

He doesn’t want to suggest his parents taking SILs family and us doing something else, because he doesn’t want to see as being grabby.

We are both gutted —mostly for us not the kids— that there doesn’t seem to be a easy way round this

AIBU?

Florida is fucking horrid in the summer. Anyone with any sense (and enough money) leaves then.

And they're too young to enjoy Disney. It sounds like the most stressful holiday I've ever heard of!

Disneyland?

I’m the summer?

With a toddler?

For 2 weeks?

And your in-laws?

Who don’t even get on?

In a villa shared between 13?

You’d have to pay me a multiple of the entire inheritance to even contemplate that.

Pantsomime I completely disagree. When they are 10 they don’t believe the characters are real. I will never forget my three year old DS2 believing he was actually meeting Woody. Priceless. Disney is for everyone but it is the most magical for young children. DS1 went for the first time when he was 21 months and absolutely loved it. He’s now 9 and wouldn’t be fussed about most of the Magic Kingdom.

Perhaps you could go but stay in 2 separate houses.

Beyond the family dynamics, I would STRONGLY advise against taking children of your kids ages on a Disneyworld holiday. Your younger two are way too young and will get virtually nothing out of it. Far better to ask MIL if she can put the money aside and take you all on a dream trip to Disneyworld when your younger kids are old enough to appreciate it, join in with the activities, and remember it. Go when your youngest is 5 or 6 and the oldest is 11 or 12. It’s a waste of a very pricey holiday otherwise. Plus that would neatly avoid going with SIL next year.

As and when you do go, please, I beg you, go in the Easter holidays instead of summer. It is much too hot there in the summer for English children. Even Easter will be hot for them, but bearable. Summer is hell. Trust me, we made that mistake.

It sounds like your MIL is trying to use this money to heal the rift between her children. It won’t work if they don’t want to repair their relationship. And you will have a terrible time. Don’t go.

Two villas, offer to pay the difference.

I think the holiday itself will mean a great deal to your MIL, it will make her very happy to spend this one holiday with all her grandchildren together.

I think it will be very memorable for all the children, they will remember it for the rest of their lives - so worth doing for all the grandchildren and for MIL

Worth doing if you can have the three separate villas? ( PIL will get tired and need their own space anyway)

Would MIL be able to speak to her daughter In near future, ask her to be more personable “for the sake of the family as a whole” - maybe that’s a long shot 😉

Suspect MIL is hoping this holiday will reconcile the family.
How about suggesting 2 villas on the same complex? Don't want the baby waking everyone up ;) especially with jet lag to consider???

You lost me at Disney. Sounds like my idea of hell.

Have you thought of having 2 separate villas OP? Surprised no one has suggested it 🙄

This is an attempt by your MIL to heal the family. It's an expensive and risky strategy. If you're motivated to fix things you'll do so without the holiday. If not, you and DH need to be honest with your MIL.

I'd just go amd not engage with the arguing mainly because Disney world is amazing and expensive x

Dd and I piggy backed on my dB and family’s holiday in Florida (our DS’s are older and it was dh’s idea of hell). We get on well and there were no issues but when you are all trying to get out in the morning to get to the park early it can be a bit tense getting everyone organised (a lot of planning happened the evening before including making packed lunches). With all of those people trying to get organised, especially as dh and dsil don’t get on, it could be a disaster. I also agree that your younger dcs are too young. You won’t enjoy it as you will have to look after them. As to the weather in the summer, we went in July and it was warm but plenty of air conditioned places to dip into plus the villa was air conditioned/had a pool so I really don’t think that’s the main issue.

Just after my df died, dh’s dsis stopped talking to me. We were close when the dcs were young and while we had grown apart a bit over the years, we always talked to one another when our dcs went there/theirs came here/there was a family gathering. She refused to say what I had said or done (I can’t remember even talking to her or seeing her particularly after my dad died) and now it’s two years later and it’s still unresolved. I sent her messages asking what I’d done and apologised for anything I may have said or done but she still refused to acknowledge me. Dmil and dfil say they don’t know why but they are very close to dsil so I’m sure they do. I understand they don’t want to get involved though. All this to say to those saying oh just grow up, it’s sometimes not that easy. The dcs still have contact and see one another when they are in the same country (mine live in the UK and we are in Belgium) but that’s it.

I would rather not go in holiday than go on holiday with my If I were in your position, I would definitely not go. However, I would use the excuse that your younger two are too young to enjoy it properly and you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it as you’d like because of having to look after them. If she says everyone will take turns, say no they won’t as they would end up resenting not being to do what they like on this special holiday.

If your in laws would be willing to pay for flights and park tickets why don’t you pay for your own accommodation so you can have you own space. Explain that you don’t want to ruin anybody’s holiday so would be best to have different accommodations. Florida is my all time favourite place but I would not go if it meant sharing with anyone regardless if we get on or not! The cost of a hotel will not be that much and you can meet up and go for food or to the parks but go back separately. You could even book different hotels say stay in a hotel near universal then move to Disney or do a couple of nights at the coast.Don’t miss out on the opportunity to experience Orlando!

You hit "hell" with me when got on a trans-Atlantic flight with a 13mo and 3yo. You hit the 9th circle with those ages at WDW in the summer heat.

The big thing is it seems like a massive amount of money not spent optimally--kids are too young to really do WDW, not hitting Universal, too long a time at WDW. I know it's not the OP's money, but if this is a once in a lifetime because of cost, I'd be looking to maximize value and a big extended family thing is probably minimizing value.

My exh and I went with there with sister, BIL and their 3 children years ago under similar circumstances and it was fine. We were in Parks from early till late most days and mainly did our own thing. We had 2 meals out together and spent minimal time in villa with pool together. We did it for the kids sake and all being adults made it work. If you have mindset it will work then all will be fine.

I see the thread hasn’t moved on since it started. Wtfp in posting

I'd 100% speak to them about the possibility of hotel rooms Instead of villas because you'll drive eachother mad.
Maybe free Disney dining at the moment is a perfect excuse to say, oh wow, what about if we stay onsite instead of in a villa?

There are definitely many, many positives of staying onsite, one being that there are plenty of options to be that bit further from SIL than you would be if In a villa, many of their hotels have multiple pools, many have multiple modes of transport from hotel to the parks and different restaurants to eat In

13 people in a villa no thanks even if youre on good terms you'll argue

its sizzling in august over 100 degrees the two youngest wont even know where they are

are they paying for literally everything coz the theme park alone costs a few hundred each

Took my daughter to Disneyland Paris when she was 3 at my ex’s behest. Pirates of the Caribbean ride was lewd and terrifying for her and half the other rides she didn’t meet the height restriction. The restaurants were ridiculously overpriced and it was cheaper to eat in the hotel. We all got ill from the tap water at the rodeo and could barely travel home so they kindly sent a doctor to medicate us up to our eyeballs to vacate on time. It was hellish! Wait till they are older and stay in separate self catering

Get the feeling those saying Disney World is their idea of hell have never been. It's amazing! Don't miss out on the opportunity. Also your PIL sound lovely and generous. Speak to them about your concerns maybe try and reconcile with SIL before the holiday.

Oh, I’ve been. I kept waiting for the famed magic to happen but it’s just a theme park. Genuinely went into it with an open mind. Genuinely wondered what the fuss was all about. It’s a theme park. We didn’t even see Mickey Mouse!!!

Chickenwing not everyone enjoys theme parks is that so hard to get your head round?

I don't do rides at all, I'm not interested in the crappy ott shows, I don't like the idea of supporting disneys seriously questionable ethics and I am not in the minority.

You enjoy it fine, don't presume others would.

Get the feeling those saying Disney World is their idea of hell have never been

Oh I’ve been a few times and you’re right it is amazing. Not in August though, and not with four children under 6. Go in about five years’ time, in spring.

I grew up in Orlando. Do not go there in August with children that young if you’re not used to the heat.