To think this sounds like a holiday from absolute hell??

[tiffanygoldduck]

DHs grandmother has just died and so his parents have just inherited a decent amount of money.

They have offered to pay to take our family (me, DH, DS6, DS5, DD3 and DS13mnths) and SILs family (SIL, her DH and 3 kids B13, G8 and G5) to Disneyworld in the summer holidays for 2 weeks. They plan on booking a villa and then us doing all the amusement parks, having some time to explore and go shopping etc.

All seems ideal- aside from the fact DH and SIL don’t get on and haven’t spoken for nearly 2.5 years (she hasn’t even met our youngest and has met DD a handful of times and I doubt our elder 2 will even know who she/their uncle/their cousins are). There have been attempts of phone call reconciliation to no avail. She has refused to come to every family event if DH is attending (meaning that most have been split 50/50)

SIL has agreeed to this holiday being aware that DH has been invited too- but she is very greedy, hates spending money and both me and DH have agreed she will be nicey nicey until we are on holiday and all hell will break loose which will ruin the holiday for everyone and upset MIL because it isn’t going to be cheap and she is trying to do something that none of us will ever be able to afford otherwise without getting into debt.

SIL is MIL “golden child”- and MIL thinks it effects DH, when in reality he couldn’t really give a shit anymore. DH is very reasonable in that he always tells MIL to put SIL first- which he can’t see then gives SIL a golden ticket to rub it in his face even more.

DH has suggested I go with the D.C. and he stays behind, which I don’t think is fair- especially when it’s his family paying.

He doesn’t want to suggest his parents taking SILs family and us doing something else, because he doesn’t want to see as being grabby.

We are both gutted —mostly for us not the kids— that there doesn’t seem to be a easy way round this

AIBU?

Dear God No.

Take the family drama out of it 2 weeks in Florida with 4 children who are to young to appreciate everything sounds like hell.

I get on great with my family and would never stay in one place all together.

We must have had a very different experience to most our young kids loved it! Didn't cry or scream and there is loads for them to do.

They were also fine on the flight and have been on longer too. The worse party is immigration!!

Fact is the older kids will want to do different things to yours so you'll have to split up at the parks which means more time for you on your own if you wanted to go!

I go on holiday with my in laws all the time, they are great and we get on really well but the only time it's ever been a problem is when we went to Disneyworld. We have been to Florida together without doing Disney and everything was fine, but when you combine it with visiting the parks, the heat and the queues, it became very hard work.

13 people in one villa is far too many, I would book two. You will need to hire 3 cars, one for your DH's mom and dad, one for your family and one for SIL's family. If you hire a mini bus for all of you, you will be stuck with each other all the time. Personally I would think about staying onsite in a Disney hotel. Each family would have their own room and you can use the Disney transport to get around. More importantly you can do your own thing without being tied to anyone else.

It is hot and humid, but you could cope, there's plenty of air conditioned places to escape the heat. It will be busy, but Florida is busy all year now, you will have to look at how the fast pass system works.

You really need to plan things before you go now. You get 3 fast passes a day each (so you can go on 3 rides without queuing) but you have to book these weeks in advance, you have to plan the whole holiday before you go, and doing that for 13 people will be pretty difficult.

Disneyworld is fantastic for kids of all ages, but it takes an awful lot of planning and can be quite stress full. Don't go without your DH, he needs to be there. This might sound cheeky, but could you suggest that your inlaws take each family separately, that way they would get to go twice.

Sounds like my idea of Hell, Florida is in general .

I would still go because your DC will likely love every minute of it. DH and SIL are adults so should set their differences aside for the sake of your DC and MIL. If they really can’t abide each other, they don’t have to do every activity together. Disney is pretty big, I’m sure they can largely avoid each other.

Recipe for disaster. Sorry. If it was me I would not go.

Go, but rent your own vehicle so you are independent. Once in the parks you will be apart anyway. It could bring them closer

Firstly Disney during the summer NO WAY, it's way to hot and humid, we went in November and it was 30 degrees!!!!!!!
Disney is for everyone,anyone at any age! We were there in 2017, 10 of us, youngest being 2 and oldest being 44, 2 in wheelchairs and a child with ASD plus 2 Diabetics (small hospital on tour)
Everything is manageable but only if you actually get on.
I'd go but orgainise 2 separate villas and later in the year.
Chances are your SIL children won't want to do the same as your children anyway.

If you actually want to go, I'd say no to a villa, you don't want shared space. Motel or hotel.
You need separate cars.
Minimise how much time you'd spend with sil. Perhaps pil could spend a day with each family in turn?

No way would I go. Your kids are too young for a start. What enjoyment do you honestly think a 13 month old will get? It will be far too hot, kids will be tired and cranky. Add that to your dreaded sil and her brood and it really is a recipe for disaster. We don't talk to sil, I wouldn't cross the road to see her, let alone spend 2 weeks under the same roof or anywhere near her on a holiday. I wouldn't even be politely declining. Your mil knows the situation between your Dh and sil. In what fucking universe does she think this holiday would work? She is trying to look good by offering a holiday but she knows well that your Dh won't go. She's trying to take control of a situation that she has no business getting involved in. Let sil and her family sod off with PILs and you forget about the holiday for now. Save up for your own Disney holiday for when your kids will all be old enough to enjoy and appreciate it.

I don't see why your husband thinks it's grabby to ask for a separate holiday. Surely if you don't go to Florida that will make that holiday cheaper for her.

I would be very wary of spending two weeks with someone who thinks this is a good idea for a holiday!

Just say no to the holiday. But I think it would be rude to ask them to change the venue or pay for a completely separate holiday like a pp suggested!

It’s their inheritance and they thought they were doing something nice. My dad did similar when he retired and I wouldn’t have considered asking him to change to a completely different country than the one he wanted to take us to.

I wouldn't go with or without SIL. Too hot, too overcrowded and your kids are too young. Couldn't even tempt me with it being on someone elses dime. Certainly wouldn't be gutted, not sure I understand that bit.

You don't want to be stuck on holiday with the SIL so why even entertain the thought? Because its 'free' and you don't want SIL to get something you don't? In that case, go but don't count on the adults behaving like adults. Good luck with your decision

I get on well with my PILs but not so much with BIL and SIL, SIL is shockingly rude after more than a few hours and DH and BIL just aren't close at all. MIL had this massive plan to do something similar when FIL retired, I thought it sounded like hell on earth. Life has gotten in the way, FIL delayed his retirement a bit and MILs health isn't as good as it was. So the theoretical holiday from hell was scrapped thankfully though I'd rather MILs health hadn't gone downhill.

Agree that SIL has sounded nicey nicey so it puts DH in the position of ruining things again, but I think you have the perfect excuse of your DCs ages as to why this wouldn't work for you all.

I've been the MIL/M in this situation although not a toxic relationship between my children! The key is to establish before you go that you won't be welded together for the trip and have your own hire car so you can do your own thing.
As has been said it'll be very hot in Summer and as the new Star Wars thing is due to open at the end of August it woill be even more crowded!

It sounds like hell tbh.

We've had nothing to do with SIL (and her husband and daughter) for 7 years.
MIL used to do the tears and I want everyone to get along routine, but we pointed out that we hadn't actually done anything wrong. We just refused to dance to SIL's tune and weren't going to enable bad behaviour, if she did then fine, that was her choice, likewise it was our choice not too.

Life is so much better without them in it.

No way would we got on a 2 week holiday with them. Not in a million years. It's asking for trouble.

Aside from being in a house with everyone, it’s a doable holiday as long as you take it at the kids pace, I have never queued more than 30 mins for a ride even in August,

You can get a 3 bed apartments on international drive (Sheraton or floridays) that I think would be more suitable for these dynamics , you would all have separate appts in a complex that and separate cars

Just go, it's only two weeks. Just hire yourself a hire car so you can get out under your own schedule.

SIL might get eaten by a crocodile while you're out there.

Much more likely to be an alligator.

I would go but insist on separate accommodations.

teyem

ONLY 2 weeks. 2 weeks is a long time. We had to spend a day with SIL before MIL finally got the message. That was hard enough, but 2 weeks, fucking hell. To be around that kind of negativity is exhausting. I'm the most relaxed person you could meet and I don't do drama or dramatics at all, but that day was hard.

I think unless you've experienced the toxic behaviour then it's difficult to really get it.

Aside from your family issues, I think your dc are mostly too young to enjoy such a holiday.

YABU. You are being horrible about SIL on here, she will easily recognise herself if she uses MN and you are also sounding extremely ungrateful.

We've just had a family holiday where me and my family stayed with one sister and family, and the other sister and family stayed with my mum and dad. We are close and get on. Even then, it was tough, and there were tensions at times.

We dealt with it by acknowledging, apologising and ensuring everyone went off and did their own thing at various times.

We all helped with cooking, cleaning and shopping. Everyone pitched in and no-one was a CF.

But it was still tough to spend that time together, and - as much as I love them all, next time we will rent somewhere to stay. (One sister and my parents live in a seaside town).

In your situation, where there is already hostility and stress, I just wouldn't do it.

And I agree with everyone else - Florida in August is hell, and your kids are too young to get much out of disneyland. If your MIL wants to do disney, I would suggest taking your eldest out of school for a long weekend at the end of November and doing Christmas at DLP - it's much more user friendly, and if you have a Monday/Tuesday in there, the queues are next to nothing. Lots of deals whereby kids go free under 7 and the Christmas decorations are beautiful.

I cant imagine you all doing the same thing together on such an holiday as that. If the sil has older kids they are more likely to want to go to Universal Studios rather than Disney. I think I would want to stay in a hotel rather than a villa so you all have some space. Then mil could just some days out with you and some with sil and some days to relax.

I've heard the parks are quieter in the second half of August due to American schools going back.