To think this sounds like a holiday from absolute hell??

[tiffanygoldduck]

DHs grandmother has just died and so his parents have just inherited a decent amount of money.

They have offered to pay to take our family (me, DH, DS6, DS5, DD3 and DS13mnths) and SILs family (SIL, her DH and 3 kids B13, G8 and G5) to Disneyworld in the summer holidays for 2 weeks. They plan on booking a villa and then us doing all the amusement parks, having some time to explore and go shopping etc.

All seems ideal- aside from the fact DH and SIL don’t get on and haven’t spoken for nearly 2.5 years (she hasn’t even met our youngest and has met DD a handful of times and I doubt our elder 2 will even know who she/their uncle/their cousins are). There have been attempts of phone call reconciliation to no avail. She has refused to come to every family event if DH is attending (meaning that most have been split 50/50)

SIL has agreeed to this holiday being aware that DH has been invited too- but she is very greedy, hates spending money and both me and DH have agreed she will be nicey nicey until we are on holiday and all hell will break loose which will ruin the holiday for everyone and upset MIL because it isn’t going to be cheap and she is trying to do something that none of us will ever be able to afford otherwise without getting into debt.

SIL is MIL “golden child”- and MIL thinks it effects DH, when in reality he couldn’t really give a shit anymore. DH is very reasonable in that he always tells MIL to put SIL first- which he can’t see then gives SIL a golden ticket to rub it in his face even more.

DH has suggested I go with the D.C. and he stays behind, which I don’t think is fair- especially when it’s his family paying.

He doesn’t want to suggest his parents taking SILs family and us doing something else, because he doesn’t want to see as being grabby.

We are both gutted —mostly for us not the kids— that there doesn’t seem to be a easy way round this

AIBU?

Florida is lovely. A beautiful state. Kissimmee/ Orlando is an overpriced shit hole. You will never see someone from florida enter a Disney theme park in the summer either. Your children are very young and will find two weeks of bad relations/ hot weather too much. Stay home. Stay home.

That's not a lovely MIL. A lovely MIL would not have favourites and would be sensitive to the family dynamics.

Your kids will live if they don't go to Disneyland.

Let them go and rejoice in the fact that florida is not a nice place to be in the summer months!

Age wise this holiday is far better suited to your sil's children.

My MIL proposed exactly the same as this a few years back. Me and DH immediately said No Way - we don't get along with one SIL . I did feel guilty for refusing the generous offer and the kids missing out, but not enough to go along with what would most certainly have been the holiday from hell.

I think you should suggest an age appropriate holiday in the UK. Legoland for example. It would be a fraction of the cost and your children would enjoy it far more. I don't think it would be grabby as would save your pil thousands in airfare.

I wouldn't go. Mil actually sounds really thoughtless. Kids won't enjoy a baking hot holiday with anxious on-edge parents and if it all blows up then they'll never be able to watch a Disney movie again!!
Seriously. I wouldn't go. Have a smaller family holiday yourselves where you can all relax and have fun.

Gosh please do not stay under the same roof. Offer to pay for a nearby villa and they can get your airfares etc. We did this with my family....its too much and has damaged previously good family relationships!

Loving the idea that a two-week holiday with the in-laws you don't get on with would be in any way “magic”

Yiiikes. To be quite honest, even if I had the most amazing MIL ever and got on with my family better than my friends; honestly I’d be dreading Florida in August. My parents took me in August when I was a kid (my Dad was a teacher so they were bound really) and I can still remember the heat. It was sapping, honestly. I burned myself really badly on a seatbelt (still got the scar!!) and all the play equipment was too hot to touch. The queues were a nightmare and my Mum actually fainted in one, although that was probably her fault for not staying hydrated enough. We couldn’t physically carry the amount of water we needed though, and the queues for the water fountains were like queuing for a bloody ride! You couldn’t sit on the pavements for the parades because you’d burn your bum.

I concede it’s probably gotten better in the 20 years since I was there, but no way on earth would I want to go back in August again. I actually haven’t been back as an adult to the Florida location because all I remember is crowds, long LONG days and it being ridiculously hot. Genuinely the only place I’ve felt more uncomfortable in the heat was when I was serving in the Gulf.

Even if they stay separately the children wont be able to do thr same things as their cousins and if she is the golden child that will obvously cause problems as Mil wants them altogether. Two weeks with the youngest in the heat, bad naps and jet lagged will be terrible.

MIL probably has this romantic idea of spending a fantastic once in a life time family holiday with all her children and grandchildren around her and everyone will get on and put differences aside. I think she means well .

^
I concede it’s probably gotten better in the 20 years since I was there, but no way on earth would I want to go back in August again^

It hasn't got cooler in the past 20 years no and cars and homes were all air conditioned then already.

Wow. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I can see why your ILs want their dc to start talking and getting on together, but it doesn't sound as if that's going to happen.

Why don't they go away with your family for a week, and go away separately with Sil and her family for a week??

Far too much presure otherwise, and huge potential for a massive blow-up on holiday when everyone is hot, tired, jetlagged, crammed into a villa together for 2 weeks with no peace or quiet...

Sounds like a terrible idea. You'll all have a terrible stressful time so the money will be wasted. Just say it won't work with your DC's ages and the heat and suggest some other activity. They can still go with SIL if they want to.

I think this sounds awful even if you're all the best of friends tbh

I'd rather pull out my finger nails with pliers

^i agree with chicken

As others have said, your children are far too young to appreciate Disney World. It would be a total waste of money. IME I would say 8 would be the absolute minimum age to appreciate it, if not older so that they are tall enough to go on rides other than the kiddie ones.

Additionally, 4 adults and 7 kids under one roof has the potential to be a nightmare and that is without considering the lack of relationship between your DH and SIL.

Personally I would just tell MIL that your kids are too young to appreciate it and so decline the offer. Hopefully she will offer to pay for a more appropriate holiday for you, DH and the children but do not expect it and do not ask for it.

I hope your MIL is not holding a holiday over you in order to get DH to reconcile with SIL. I think this could make the situation far worse than it already is.

If your SIL is happy to meet up with DH and wants to sort things out that is good but I don't think these are the circumstances to attempt it in.

Keeping 4 kids entertained on a 9/10 hour flight will be awful. The 2 younger ones aren't really old enough to enjoy the theme parks anyway, and the heat will be unbearable for them. They'll be fussy and whiney so all your attention will be on them. The older ones will probably only be able to do half the stuff too. I think SIL has put the idea in your MILs head about this as her older kids will be a lot more interested / easier to handle. I'd bin this off in a 'thanks, but it doesn't work for us' kind of way. Don't expect anything else like another holiday but your present is 2 weeks of peace!

Just say thanks but no thanks. Your DH's and SIL's relationship is not your responsibility. Agree that 2 weeks in a villa with them all sounds hellish.

That's not a gift. That's a poisoned dart.

Your children are too young to enjoy Disney World. They will be overwhelmed, hot and screaming within an hour. Let SIL go and enjoy her grumpy 5 year old while the older ones have all the fun. That’s the reality of Disney.

Your children's ages are the perfect get-out clause. You just tell your (very generous) mother-in-law that you think your children are too young for that sort of holiday right now and you feel rather nervous about the trip, the climate etc. but thanks from the bottom-of-your-heart for the offer. Don't ask for any sort of substitute holiday. Just leave it at that and wish them all a good time.

My advice is don't go (even without the SIL problems) it is too many people at a very very busy and very hot and humid time of the year. On the whole your children will not enjoy it (the 6 year old might enjoy bits and pieces) but the heat and the overcrowding and the age gaps (if SIL) is there will mean you all end up miserable even if you were best friends before this holiday