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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my husband is incapable?

402 replies

eeva90 · 24/04/2019 16:00

Long time lurker, first time poster...

DM and MIL have the same birthday. DH and I have been together 6 years and this has never been an issue. He will do something with MIL and I will do something with DM. Last year he went to MIL's and I took DS to DM's.

DM and MIL both have meals planned for this Sunday at similar times (v inconvenient). MIL has decided she would like her grandchildren there which is fine. I would like to see DM as DB is bringing his new GF to the meal and I want to meet her! I have said to DH, take the kids with you to the meal as MIL would love to spend the day with them.

DH is point blank refusing to take DC by himself. Says 2 kids is too much to handle (despite me doing it everyday). I have told him that MIL would be very hands on (as she always is with the kids) so he wouldn't be alone.

DH is now calling me selfish and unreasonable for 'ruining his mother's birthday because I won't take the kids!' Despite me being happy for DC to go with him...

AIBU? Or is he?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 24/04/2019 16:02

He’s a lazy idiots. YANBU.
He’s not incapable - he’s just pretending to be to get out of it. Don’t fall for it.

SingingSands · 24/04/2019 16:02

He is.

Maybe he wants to be the only child at the meal.

Thistownaintbigenough · 24/04/2019 16:02

He is. They are his kids too and going to grandparents house means the only bit he would need to do alone is transfer from car (and even then he could phone his mum to help)

My dh loves going to his mums (or them visiting) cause he doesn't have to look after his child!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 24/04/2019 16:03

He's not incapable.
He could be capable, but doesn't want to be

Cranky17 · 24/04/2019 16:06

yabu to call him incapable, he’s more than capable just a selfish lazy git

Original poster
eeva90 · 24/04/2019 16:07

I assume he wants me there so that he can have a drink and I can drive/look after the kids whilst he spends time with his brothers.

I shall stand my ground!

OP posts:
TheWernethWife · 24/04/2019 16:08

I despair of these bloody incapable husbands, during the wedding do they turn into gobshites at the altar or were they putting on an act before.

MargoLovebutter · 24/04/2019 16:13

I don't know how he can actually look you in the eye and say that he can't look after his own children for one day!!!!!! Particularly in view of the fact he is going to be with his own mother, who you say will probably be hands on too.

Does he realise how feeble and pathetic this makes him sound?

Good for you for standing your ground OP.

Tucobenedicto · 24/04/2019 16:13

I take it he was capable of producing them...so he is capable of looking after them...

mbosnz · 24/04/2019 16:14

He's not incapable.
He's lazy.

Lllot5 · 24/04/2019 16:14

Sounds like he wants a beer and you can drive

adaline · 24/04/2019 16:16

He just can't be arsed to actually parent his kids.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 24/04/2019 16:16

He's being lazy. He won't be managing alone if MiL is hands-on and happy to help! Tell him your DM has booked an activity not suitable for DC and reserved a child-unfriendly restaurant since she thought MiL & DH were having the DC. Then leave him to it.

CoffeeConnoisseur · 24/04/2019 16:17

He’s spent too long being enabled by you.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/04/2019 16:19

What a useless waste of space and sexist to boot. How does he rationalise it being selfish and unreasonable of you to expect him to take the kids but it wouldn't be the other way around? I'll tell you the answer........you're the woman and that's womens work, men should not have to do any childcare when they're "off"

mummmy2017 · 24/04/2019 16:19

Tell MIL. They will be going, then he has too take them.

Motherofasleepthief · 24/04/2019 16:20

He’s being lazy and pathetic, if he can’t handle looking after his children he shouldn’t have children - simple as!

Gatehouse77 · 24/04/2019 16:21

He's not incapable - he simply doesn't want to!

I'd leave extra early to 'help' my mum...Wink

Youseethethingis · 24/04/2019 16:23

I’d drop him right in the shit with his mother, too. Ruin her day by letting her know what a useless twit she’s raised and it will be entirely on him Hmm

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/04/2019 16:26

I would struggle to love a man who refused to care for his own children. One of my favourite things is listening to DD talk about her adventures with DH. Your DH is missing out and frankly should be ashamed.

NoSauce · 24/04/2019 16:26

He’s a dick! Of course he’s capable he just doesn’t want an afternoon supervising his own children.

Do not back down!

5foot5 · 24/04/2019 16:27

Dear MIL

The DC have drawn this picture for your birthday, I hope you like it. As you know I will not be able to come as it is my Mum's birthday that day so I will of course be spending the day with her. The children would love to see you on your birthday and I would be more than happy for DH to bring them to your meal. However DH finds the children too much to handle by himself so I am afraid it will have to be some other time.

Then wait and see what happens

NewNewName · 24/04/2019 16:27

Tell him that being a pathetic loser is an incredibly unattractive trait! It worked for me the time that my husband tried this. It was the kick up the arse he needed.

Quartz2208 · 24/04/2019 16:29

He isnt incapable he just wants to drink and not worry about the children

You are being perfectly reasonable he is not. You need to tell your MIL that you are sorry you cant make it (and your reasons) but that you are happy for the kids to go if your DH is.

And leave it there

And then closely look at your relationship because I cant imagine this is the first time

Thatsashame · 24/04/2019 16:30

Tell his mum so she can tell him off like the child he is!

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