Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my husband is incapable?

402 replies

eeva90 · 24/04/2019 16:00

Long time lurker, first time poster...

DM and MIL have the same birthday. DH and I have been together 6 years and this has never been an issue. He will do something with MIL and I will do something with DM. Last year he went to MIL's and I took DS to DM's.

DM and MIL both have meals planned for this Sunday at similar times (v inconvenient). MIL has decided she would like her grandchildren there which is fine. I would like to see DM as DB is bringing his new GF to the meal and I want to meet her! I have said to DH, take the kids with you to the meal as MIL would love to spend the day with them.

DH is point blank refusing to take DC by himself. Says 2 kids is too much to handle (despite me doing it everyday). I have told him that MIL would be very hands on (as she always is with the kids) so he wouldn't be alone.

DH is now calling me selfish and unreasonable for 'ruining his mother's birthday because I won't take the kids!' Despite me being happy for DC to go with him...

AIBU? Or is he?

OP posts:
averythinline · 24/04/2019 17:42

Wow he's a prize..... not sure Iwould have told his mum as the conversation to have was with him as he's the one being a dick...but you have enabled it so far so you need to sort it out with him.....

Dont go to your mums with the DC - he can go to his - text him back that the doors locked at 10/11 whatever time you want to go to bed and he can find somewhere else....coz he's being an arse..

(although I would apologise for involving his mum - wouldn't recommend involving 3rd parties in your arguments ) but not for the ridiculus fact that he cant look after both his children thats pathetic...

TurnOffTheTv · 24/04/2019 17:44

God is he not embarrassed at all that he’s so pathetic he can’t look after his own children?
Or just an excuse so he can get pissed up with his brothers on his Mums birthday?
They are both pretty shoddy!

NewMum19344567 · 24/04/2019 17:44

He's my husband! Always trying to make me go out with his family to be designated driver for all and babysitter!

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 24/04/2019 17:44

My DH was far from a perfect dad. He has some very old fashioned, sexist attitudes and is too stubborn to change but even he wasn’t this much of a twat.

RomanyQueen1 · 24/04/2019 17:45

tell him to come back when he's ready to be a parent being as he enjoyed making them all too well.
What a wanker, I'm glad he's yours.

billybagpuss · 24/04/2019 17:45

Slightly missing the point of the thread but so happy the phrase 'dob him in' is coming back, haven't heard that since the late '70s Grin

Good luck tonight OP, I think you have some conversations to be had and you did the right thing.

Topseyt · 24/04/2019 17:46

Your last update confirms that he is a complete arsewipe.

He is furious because he has now been exposed as the incapable twat that he is in front of his own mother and his siblings.

Soubriquet · 24/04/2019 17:50

Well isn’t he a gem

“Making him look like a bad man”

Well pissing off to the pub with a mantrum certainly isn’t helping his case is it?

Original poster
eeva90 · 24/04/2019 17:51

I hate to be one of those women who is defensive about their husband being a cunt, but this is the first cunty behaviour I've witnessed in the 6 years we have been together. Fingers crossed it's the last!

OP posts:
diddl · 24/04/2019 17:51

"He is furious because he has now been exposed as the incapable twat that he is in front of his own mother and his siblings."

I'm thinking that it hasn't come as a suprise to them.

NeegansWife · 24/04/2019 17:52

So he now also gets an evening in the pub by himself? What a melt.

Disfordarkchocolate · 24/04/2019 17:53

He's never looked after both of his children, that's not cunty but it's very poor parenting.

Topseyt · 24/04/2019 17:53

Maybe it hasn't, diddl, but now it is confirmed. Serves him right.

NunoGoncalves · 24/04/2019 17:54

I hate to be one of those women who is defensive about their husband being a cunt, but this is the first cunty behaviour I've witnessed in the 6 years we have been together

Except that a decent man doesn't just suddenly behave like this. You said yourself he's never looked after the kids on his own!

How about tomorrow you go to the pub last minute and leave him with the kids all evening, and see how he reacts?

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 24/04/2019 17:55

Your husband is a prick. A lazy, selfish prick.

My ex is also a prick, but to his credit he's never moaned about having the kids by himself. What would your husband do if you split or god forbid you died?

AWishForWingsThatWork · 24/04/2019 17:55

"Why is it ok for me to wrangle and look after both of OUR children by myself day in and day out, night in and night out when required, but not ok for you to do so when required? And it is absolutely required for you to be able to manage both OUR children by yourself. You're their father. THEIR FATHER. And you need to start acting like it. And actively looking to step up in that department so I can have some childfree time. And you need to be able to do it. Not call in your parents to do it. YOU need to be able to do it."

You need to say something along these lines to him in a calm discussion.

What if you took ill? What if you had to go away for a family emergency? What if you were in an accident? He HAS to be able to manage his own damn children!

YouTheCat · 24/04/2019 17:55

If he had them EOW, he'd have to look after them on his own.

Quartz2208 · 24/04/2019 17:56

Except OP it isnt - you have said yourself that he has never looked after the children by himself, that the expectation for family events is that you look after the kids and he goes drinking.

Honestly ask yourself

  1. How much childcare does he do/ever done. Including nappy changes night feeds etc
  2. How often does he have nights out compared with you
  3. How much does he do around the house - or is it all on you
  4. Do you normally say no to his plans like this
Herland · 24/04/2019 17:58

Really? You haven't been describing a man who doesn't very often exhibit cuntyness. You said that you only have nights out when Grandparents babysit. You also said "he's been so good recently" - what does that mean?

Mitzimaybe · 24/04/2019 17:58

this is the first cunty behaviour I've witnessed in the 6 years we have been together

Or is it the first time you've not rolled over and done as he wants?

Nanny0gg · 24/04/2019 18:00

So one of them is 2. How old is the other one?

PCohle · 24/04/2019 18:04

Being incapable of looking after his children alone is more than just a one off bit of cunty behaviour. It's a massive pattern of failing to take responsibility for raising his own children.

The fact that his response to having this pointed out to him is flouncing off to the pub rather than taking a good hard look at himself is ridiculous.

He clearly knows his behaviour is unacceptable as well or else he wouldn't be embarrassed about his mum knowing.

Silvanna · 24/04/2019 18:07

@eeva90 you did the right thing. Now he's trying to punish you by going to the Pub. Next time you can leave him in the house with the kids and say you're going shopping and don't know when you're coming home. See if he likes...
He needs to start practicing minding both children anyway.

DramaSchoolMums · 24/04/2019 18:19

Poor you OP. I definitely agree with posters suggesting that in future (once this issue has been and gone) you start leaving them at home with him and doing stuff by yourself. He NEEDS to get a grip. Please don't cave and let his MIL come and collect them on Sunday. She (and his DF I imagine) have clearly facilitated his "helpless" behaviour in the past.

The other day I overheard my MIL asking my DH "I hope she helps you, and irons your shirts?" It made my blood boil! Luckily he said 'we share the chores" in response.

Good luck getting out to your Mum's.

Original poster
eeva90 · 24/04/2019 18:24

@Nanny0gg she's 6 months.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread