To wonder why my husband is incapable?

[eeva90]

Long time lurker, first time poster...

DM and MIL have the same birthday. DH and I have been together 6 years and this has never been an issue. He will do something with MIL and I will do something with DM. Last year he went to MIL's and I took DS to DM's.

DM and MIL both have meals planned for this Sunday at similar times (v inconvenient). MIL has decided she would like her grandchildren there which is fine. I would like to see DM as DB is bringing his new GF to the meal and I want to meet her! I have said to DH, take the kids with you to the meal as MIL would love to spend the day with them.

DH is point blank refusing to take DC by himself. Says 2 kids is too much to handle (despite me doing it everyday). I have told him that MIL would be very hands on (as she always is with the kids) so he wouldn't be alone.

DH is now calling me selfish and unreasonable for 'ruining his mother's birthday because I won't take the kids!' Despite me being happy for DC to go with him...

AIBU? Or is he?

I'd be grassing him in to his mummy.

Thinking now he has never taken both DC out at once. He would always happy DS out and about with him and he will take DD out by herself but never them both at the same time.

I've sent MIL a text saying;

'Hi MIL, DH isn't keen on bringing the kids to yours by himself as he doesn't think he can cope! If he doesn't feel up to it by Sunday then I will bring DC over Monday and we can get some lunch together.'

Awaiting the response!

He wants to get pissed! Cheeky fucker.

DH is point blank refusing to take DC by himself. Says 2 kids is too much to handle

Does he realise he is basically calling himself a useless father?

How do you stand this?

What's the betting that he see's OPs message as him getting let off the hook and being able to go by himself though?

Awesome text OP.

I hope she tears a strip off him for his attitude.

I can't believe he has the face to tell you he can't handle both of his own children alone, even though you can. He has no shame whatsoever, clearly.

I would also dob him in to Mummy and let the chips fall where they may, although these prize specimens usually have indulgent mummies too so I wouldn't necessarily expect much help from that department.

Also, unless DC2 is very new I'm afraid you may have to acknowledge a tactical error in not forcing him to be more hands-on with two before now. I would tell him firmly it's time he bloody learned to cope and you will be going out for the day/away for the weekend very soon and he can buckle up and learn on the job like the rest of us.

I love your very honest response. Clearly marks out what a lazy arse he is.

He's a prick. He just wants a big lazy hassle free lunch. He doesn't care what his mum wants (to see her grand children) and that if the kids aren't there she will feel sad. You married a lazy boy OP. Tell him if he doesn't want to take the kids he needs to ring his mum and let her know why.

He's being a cheeky fucker is what he is!

Of course he is capable of looking after HIS two children for a meal. And if he keeps saying that he isn't; suggest you shame him as to WHY NOT? You do it. And they've been his kids for as long as they've been your's, so why can he not cope?

As others have suggested, he just wants to drink and have you ferry him around and look after the kids. Stick to your guns!

Also if MIL has said she wants the DC there, totally dob him in and tell her they want to come but he's saying no.

Good text OP.

If I sent that to my (lovely) MIL, DH’s phone would be buzzing within 30 seconds and he’d be preparing for a bollocking.

I hope his mummy will kick his lazy-boy bottom down the street!

Do stick a couple of kazoo's in their pockets just before they head off for the lunch......although that wouldn't be terribly fair on your MIL who sounds like a nice lady.

God, he's a useless excuse for a father isn't he. Doesn't have the self-awareness to realise how pathetic he sounds and how embarassing it is to admit he is not capable of looking after his own two children for a few hours. I would be making sure everyone, all your joint friends, all his friends, all his family and yours, know what a pathetic, lazy knob he is. And this would be a complete turn-off, who wants to have sex with a manchild, ugh. Separate bedrooms or beds from now on I think Op.

I find it interesting that he has never had both dcs together. Do you never go out in your own??

Also interesting that it’s you who is sorting out the issue with your MIL. Even though it’s his issue as he, apparently, can’t cope with parenting his own dcs. Is he so incapable that he can’t talk to his own mum and sort something out himself??

tell him you manage it everyday and it's about time he learned how to be a proper dad
How do you live with a useless get like this?

Great message OP, hope MIL kicks his arse. Whatever happens about this meal I would be planning lots of outings for DH and both DC's in the coming weeks and months, and letting him know how utterly pathetic it is that he 'can't cope' with them.

I was about to suggest you send your MIL a message but i see you have already done that. Nice work OP! I hope she tears a strip off your DH.

You have been exceptionally reasonable here basically trying to please everyone and he is just being difficult. Tell him to get a grip and parent his children.

Feeling a bit guilty as I've just had a phone call from a very upset MIL. Poor woman just wants to spend time with her GC on her birthday.

She's offering to come and pick them up and drop them home so that she can see them! I've told her not to worry and that DH WILL be coming with DC on Sunday.

So (God forbid) you were to split up, what would he do, alternate children every weekend?!?

You are not unreasonable at all. I find it quite ridiculous how you have the kids the majority of the time and he can't handle them for a simple family gathering. If I was in this situation I would tell my MIL that her DS can't handle having the kids come round to hers for a couple of hours.

Oh the poor man, he is suffering an extreme case of dickincapacity.

Don't worry, It's not contagious, but if you have male children it is possible to build up life long immunity by teaching them basic domestic skills like cooking,cleaning,food shopping , personal care , appliance instructions, compassion and child care.

Hmmmmm, sounds like MIL has facilitated your DH in the past. She should be telling her son not to be such a massive lightweight, rather than offering to pick them up and drop them home herself.