To wonder why my husband is incapable?

[eeva90]

Long time lurker, first time poster...

DM and MIL have the same birthday. DH and I have been together 6 years and this has never been an issue. He will do something with MIL and I will do something with DM. Last year he went to MIL's and I took DS to DM's.

DM and MIL both have meals planned for this Sunday at similar times (v inconvenient). MIL has decided she would like her grandchildren there which is fine. I would like to see DM as DB is bringing his new GF to the meal and I want to meet her! I have said to DH, take the kids with you to the meal as MIL would love to spend the day with them.

DH is point blank refusing to take DC by himself. Says 2 kids is too much to handle (despite me doing it everyday). I have told him that MIL would be very hands on (as she always is with the kids) so he wouldn't be alone.

DH is now calling me selfish and unreasonable for 'ruining his mother's birthday because I won't take the kids!' Despite me being happy for DC to go with him...

AIBU? Or is he?

Just go out before him on Sunday and leave the kids with him, then he’ll have no choice!

She's clearly the reason he's behaving like this in the first place. She should be calling him and asking what he thinks he's playing at FGS!

Fab text!

Fab text!

Is it though? So basically the wife won't cave in and look after the kids but his mother rather than telling him to grow the fuck up and look after his own kids, offers to do it for him, I mean is it any wonder he gets away with doing fuck all?

Why is she calling you - she should be calling her son

He has no business having kids if he can't handle them on his own for an afternoon with his own mothers bloody help too.

Feeling a bit guilty as I've just had a phone call from a very upset MIL

I would tell her there's been a misunderstanding the kids are definitely attending with DH on Sunday while you go to your mothers.

You married a lazy selfish prick.

He's just called. Furious that I told his mother. Says I'm making him look like a bad person. Has informed me he is now going to the pub after work, and that he doesn't know when he will be home.

He made himself look like a bad person.

I assume there are other issues in the marriage if he thinks this is OK.

Says I'm making him look like a bad person.

No, he’s doing that himself. By being one. But his throwing a tantrum and going to be pub will clearly show you how nice and reasonable he is...what a twat.

When he comes home , remind him everyone else can manage two children... Why can't he...

Can you go and stay at your mums until the weekend is over and tell you MIL that

I think this is just a symptom of issues in your relationship

You are married to a horrible, spiteful man op.

Big baby!
You changed no facts. He’s cross because he’s been exposed as what he is, you haven’t made him look like anything.
Then he just assumes that you will look after your shared children while he sulks in the pub. What a wanker!

A mature response !

Says I'm making him look like a bad person

He is a bad person.

He's made himself look like a bad person. Does he expect you to lie to his mother for him?

Tell his mummy he's furious and has fucked off to the pub. If he's going to act like a baby then maybe she can deal with him.

He’s willingly made himself look like the idiot that he apparently is. Make sure you tell him that. If he doesn’t want mummy to think of him as an incapable, idiot man child of a father, why the fuck is he okay with behaving that way with you??

And since he feels so incapable of parenting his own children, he will just need to get in lots of practise doing just that, won’t he!

So I can look after too children at a party but you can't, how does that work?

I am not sure you have been clear enough to MIL that it is her own son who is trying to wriggle out of bringing the children round to see her on her birthday. It needs to be much more unequivocal.

"MIL, DH is refusing to take the children round to see you on your birthday. He says that he doesn't want them there because he claims to be incapable of looking after both of them.

Please query it with him. I have made it very clear to him that I am more than happy for them to go."

@eeva90 Oh my Lord. We have had our ups and downs - more downs that ups recently - but not once, not ever has my DH ever behaved like this! He would never have stayed out at the pub as some kind of 'punishment' to me if we had a disagreement over something. And he has been more than willing/capable to look after DCs by themselves, even when they were small.

Our DCs are much older than yours are now, so yes I'm looking back more years than I want to think of right now, but if your 'D'H is doing this now while your DC are small? I'd be hearing alarm bells, I think.

Stand your ground - you are not wrong. He is behaving completely inappropriately for the father of DCs, no matter how old/how many they are.

Stay strong.

Presume they are baby and toddler/preschooler age?

Regardless, he’s an incompetent father and adult human if he can’t look after both at once with the assistance of his extended family.

Also a shitty son.

Hold firm, OP. You’ve done nothing wrong. He can stew on it in the pub - no one there will agree with him either!

I'm bloody knackered. He's actually been very good the past few weeks whilst DD has had a chest infection and DS has been invested in ensuring that the terrible two's live up to their name. It's just disappointing.

He's just called. Furious that I told his mother. Says I'm making him look like a bad person. Has informed me he is now going to the pub after work, and that he doesn't know when he will be home.

Jesus Christ, so he's 'punishing' you for daring to expect him to look after his own kids. His. Own. Kids. Yeah, I'd be making sure the front door is going to be locked tonight. He wants to be footloose and fancy free? You got it buddy.