DP gave my Easter Egg & phone to his DS

[ItsAllTitsUp49]

Just writing this seems petty but I’m just pissed off.
Due a huge change in financial circumstances I’ve recently gone back to work. I needed immediate payment & advertised for cleaning work. Within a few days I had a full diary. As many of you know it’s long hard work but to be honest I really enjoy it. I’ve been with the same clients/customers for about 6-8 weeks.
DP has been looking for work (he relied on savings previously) but doesn’t want to take anything ‘ in case a bigger opportunity comes along) . Right now £50 a day is a bigger opportunity to me !
Last week a client left me a lovely (expensive) egg. I was absolutely chuffed as it was the first ever gift/thank you I’d ever received (worked in construction for 25 years previously) .
3 months ago DP upgraded his phone & gave me his old phone (2 more newer model than my current model). I transferred everything across & it’s much better than my old one. 3 days ago his youngest (14) DS lost his phone .
We found an old phone of DPs but the screen is cracked badly & a very old model. DP doesn’t want his DS to have this phone so i had to return the phone he’d given me & I will have to have the cracked phone.
I’m reasonable- I’ve got the phone- I cannot download my everyday apps I need because it won’t upgrade to the new software . It’s a phone- I’ll manage.
Where is my Easter Egg though ? He gave it to his DS as his present.
I’m a bit fuming

Oh OP :( so sorry you're having to go through this.
I have a few too many easter eggs here! And more on the way.. I'd happily give you a few... Or my DD wants to bake cookies I could get some of them posted! In the shape of bunnies with lemon icing and sprinkles! I'll even get her to bring her mop and bucket to help you clean!

You are so strong now and you don’t need him.

You're not petty! Reading your OP and subsequent updates made me angry on your behalf- I hope you will be able to channel the ire of hundreds of mumsnetters into action!

He's not just lazy, or thoughtless, or even a common or garden cocklodger. Everything he's done was intended to belittle and humiliate you, to make you feel worthless. He sees himself as superior to you, and while he is happy to take your money he can't bear the idea that you might move on to better things.

Giving your egg to his son was a way of showing you your place- in his eyes, you don't deserve nice things, and he'll punish you by taking away the one nice thing you've had. You need a car for work- he'll happily live off your earnings, but wants to make it punishingly hard for you by not giving you access to the car.

Whose name is on the tenancy? Can you get him to move out? Or can you move yourself?

Wow, you are worth so much more x

Get to the library and borrow this book! It's about a woman who leaves her shitty husband and starts a cleaning business. It is a novel but you'll love it!

Yes he is being a right add, that would annoy me too. Fair enough with the phone but the egg wasn't his to just give away.

*ass

just imagining the look on my mums face is i asked her for her phone!hahah the horror poor woman.i might go and tease her and do this tomorrow.im her daughter right...how long will she give before she says "errm nope"
everyone hears you op.alot needs rethinking.

just read your update op.go for it.
what if its not difficult.what if its the biggest releif of your life.
you can do this.

He’s a thief. Why are you with someone who steals your stuff?

Be brave OP.

DO NOT LEAVE

That house has all of your stuff in, you are paying for it not him. He needs to leave.

And 48 is not too old! I am 10 years older and when I looked into the possibilities for myself , I was very surprised.
People appreciate having a mature , reliable person that can rely on. Especially when involved their homes , ad you have found out.
But you seem to have come to a decision yourself. Go for it.

Please don’t leave the rented flat, kick him out instead - good luck lovely!

So he found you when you were down and made you feel better about yourself
It sounds more like he went out hunting for someone as vulnerable as you were to put up with his sh..
What was his amazing career that means something better is on the horizon?
If he was soo cash strapped he couldn't buy his son an egg then that should be his wake up call to get out on his bike (cost of fuel) and look for work.
I wouldn't ask for the phone back but I would get yourself a work phone.
Don't use his car, you putting petrol in is probably the only fuel top up going in. Let him use up the tank.
If you do leave take your furniture and belongings with you.

Well done OP. You have grasped that this man is dependent on you being in a worse place than him to boost his self image. A high functioning, earning, happy you threatens him so he is trying to bring you down. If you were to tolerate this behaviour and stay with him I am willing to bet his next step would be to start subtly undermining you with verbal criticisms. I don’t think this would a conscious choice in his part but just what he needs to do to keep his place as ‘top dog’.

Carry on asserting yourself and making your way in the world. You sound amazing. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I used to have a lovely cleaner who loved cooking curries. She would bring us a meal on the days she cleaned, as an add-on. It was brilliant - we got home from work on fridays to a clean house and a curry in the fridge to heat up for dinner. Something to consider?

Hope you’re doing ok today op

"I used to have a lovely cleaner who loved cooking curries. She would bring us a meal on the days she cleaned, as an add-on. It was brilliant - we got home from work on fridays to a clean house and a curry in the fridge to heat up for dinner. Something to consider?"
Really???

@regmover yes, I thought that too. Bizarre suggestion from Venus. OP is hired to be a good and reliable cleaner. Not a once a week chef who rocks up with a meal she's supplying herself whether they want it or not! Ooh 15 clients 15 curries then...?! Carried on the bus. Wondering if that'll take all her profit from the 1 or 2 hour cleaning she does per household!

I got the impression the curries were charged for - but wouldn’t be public transport friendly alas

What I'm not getting, is you're turning work away. Any decent partner looking for work should go to work with you so you can do more and get even more jobs. Sounds like he is a lazy tosser. He can still search linkedin etc of an evening.

Regmover and offtobedhampton - the PP clearly says “as an add-on”, as in, something that could bring in extra money...

Lol. I didn't think PP meant charge extra, but if she did it's still a very niche service, more akin to a once a week housekeeper. I would love a cleaner but would think it strange if s/he suggested I also paid him/her to cook my family a curry and bring it over to my house . That's what the local Indian takeaway is for, if I can't cook my own (unless she was known as a particularly good chef) ! I didn't get any hint from OPs post that she wanted to deliver meals at same time as well, so apologies , I just thought it odd thing to suggest. (It takes me two hours to cook a good curry so that'd be 2 hours + ingredients, an expensive service to add on).

What a jealous man.
You were very gracious about the phone, he showed you what he actually thinks of you.
Please listen to him, pack his things, put them in “his” car and tell him to go.
Make it as easy as possible and be consistent, he is using you and is jealous of your success, that is toxic.