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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Separate rooms - is it really so terrible?

220 replies

PinkCareBear · 20/04/2019 19:04

I've come to the conclusion I would be much happier sleeping in a separate room to my partner on a permanent basis. About a year ago, he started snoring and breathing very heavily in his sleep, and I am a very light sleeper/sensitive to noise. I then can't sleep, toss and turn, waking him up as a result.

He's been sleeping in the spare room maybe 5 nights a week, but we've been trying to have him back in the bed to see if we can both get a good night's sleep together. Last night was awful, I was up most of the night due to his snoring/loud breathing.

DOes anyone have a secusseful relationship despite sleeping separately? I don't know anyone in real life who admits to sleeping apart.

OP posts:
Marilynmansonsthermos · 20/04/2019 19:06

The only people I know that do, are elderly couples, to be honest.

Sockworkshop · 20/04/2019 19:08

God its utter heaven 😂
No snoring,farting and man smell .
Lovely clean room and I get into bed alone -bliss !

reefedsail · 20/04/2019 19:09

If you want to share a bed maybe it would be better to try and address the snoring? Is he overweight? My DH hardly ever snores now he's lost some weight. Or he could experiment with different sleeping positions that you could turn him into when he starts.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to see GP and ask for referral to a sleep clinic if it's driving you to separate rooms when you don't want that.

If you don't mind separate rooms- crack on! I don't think it's as uncommon as you'd think.

We have separate duvets- now that is fabulous!!

TapasForTwo · 20/04/2019 19:10

He needs to see his GP. Could be the beginnings of sleep apnoea. Is he overweight?

Singlenotsingle · 20/04/2019 19:10

My DS and ddil have separate bedrooms, because his snoring can shake the room!

HBStowe · 20/04/2019 19:10

What is ‘man smell’?! Shock my husband always smells amazing!

poppymatilda · 20/04/2019 19:11

I can't imagine sleeping apart from DH. But I think everyone is different. Could he see a specialist about his snoring? I think you can have something done to your nose to ease it

confusedandemployed · 20/04/2019 19:11

I've known loads of couples who do this, very successfully. Not just for sleeping, it means they both have their own 'space' if they need a bit of alone time. Tbh if I get another DP this would be the only basis I'd love with someone else again.

sd249 · 20/04/2019 19:11

I have a separate room to my Husband. We are still very very happy - we just both are really awful sleepers so just wake each other up all night!

confusedandemployed · 20/04/2019 19:12

live

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/04/2019 19:12

It's heaven.
We normally start and finish the night in the same room but at some point one of us will decamp to the spare room, and return as it gets light

Didiplanthis · 20/04/2019 19:12

My dh has been all through sleep clinic, is not overweight. But he snores like a warthog and I get NO sleep. Separate beds have saved our marriage.

BestIsWest · 20/04/2019 19:12

Heaven. I’ve had a frozen shoulder recently causing me to toss and turn at night. DH moved into the spare room so I could get some sleep. It’s bliss. I don’t know if I want him to move back in.

dun1urkin · 20/04/2019 19:13

We sleep apart 5 or so nights a week, have done for years now.

Married 15 years, no DC

Happily tell people if it comes up, it’s not a secret Grin

Gronky · 20/04/2019 19:14

I'm not married but one of the longest, most stable married couples I personally know sleep in separate beds because they're both prolific snorers.

Sockworkshop · 20/04/2019 19:14

That fuggy bum smell you get in the mornings HB

My DH is slim,has had all the tests but is a terrible sleeper and so fucking noisy
I would be mentally ill through lack of sleep so this is the only solution or divorce of course .

RussellSprout · 20/04/2019 19:15

Yes, me. Been together ten years, mid forties, he snores, I'm a light sleeper and get up earlier than him for work.

We sleep in separate rooms, I'm in the master bedroom and he always comes in for a snuggle in the morning. If he didn't, I'd feel like we were housemates.

CottonSock · 20/04/2019 19:15

Yes, I prefer it or at least a room to go when I wake up with insomnia

Japonicaflower2 · 20/04/2019 19:16

Absolute bliss! I can't recommend it highly enough 😀
Peace, plenty of room, no snoring or farting and who cares if I sleep starfish style!

ChipsAreLife · 20/04/2019 19:18

We generally sleep apart: the kids are always hopping in and out and I'm one of those people who doesn't really like being touched when I sleep. I go to bed early and he is a night owl. It just works for us. We are very tactile still and happy.

That said some nights if we fancy it we will sleep together but normally ends with a child coming in lol

DramaAlpaca · 20/04/2019 19:19

We've had separate rooms for years. He's a lark, I'm a night owl & we both snore. I reckon it's saved our long marriage. Oh, we have visiting rights of course Wink Grin

bridgetreilly · 20/04/2019 19:23

I know plenty of people who do it, often because of snoring. If it works for you both, then do it. It's no one else's business.

BlueSkiesLies · 20/04/2019 19:27

What sounds more sensible?

  1. Be sleep deprived. For ever.
  2. Divorce.
  3. Have separate rooms, get a good nights sleep, stay with the man you love and ensure you work to keep the intimacy and fun.

I think 1 sounds like the best option.

BlueSkiesLies · 20/04/2019 19:27
  1. Obviously 3.
RomanyQueen1 · 20/04/2019 19:30

This is me, I'm terrible. have promised dh I'll get checked out, he says it's like a powerful motor bike or drill.
I think it's fine as long as sleep is the only thing you want to keep separate. If you are close, communicate well and have a good sex life then separate rooms to sleep shouldn't be an issue.