Separate rooms - is it really so terrible?

[PinkCareBear]

I've come to the conclusion I would be much happier sleeping in a separate room to my partner on a permanent basis. About a year ago, he started snoring and breathing very heavily in his sleep, and I am a very light sleeper/sensitive to noise. I then can't sleep, toss and turn, waking him up as a result.

He's been sleeping in the spare room maybe 5 nights a week, but we've been trying to have him back in the bed to see if we can both get a good night's sleep together. Last night was awful, I was up most of the night due to his snoring/loud breathing.

DOes anyone have a secusseful relationship despite sleeping separately? I don't know anyone in real life who admits to sleeping apart.

[cheriseb]

Me and my husband have been together 11 years and have slept apart for most of that time. We are in our thirties.
He enjoys having the TV on and he hates the dark whereas I like it to be pitch black and silence. He also snores but nothing a poke in the side won't solve.
Actually he recently slept in the bed with me when I wasn't feeling well and I bloody hated it

[blondiehip]

I don't sleep with my husband for the exact same reason you have mentioned OP. I like him a lot more to be honest ha! Works perfectly for us

[SerenDippitty]

Separate rooms are perfectly reasonable if that’s what you want. Needn’t get in the way of intimacy. There is no law that two people who are married have to sleep in the same bed or room or even the same house.

[Megan2018]

@HennyPennyHorror
No! There are other ways of being close. We cuddle up on the sofa for 2-3hrs every eve and spend lots of time together. Apart from when we are asleep.

[nimbomimbo]

We have been sleeping in separate rooms for approx 5 years and on the odd occasion where we have had to share a bed due to overnight visitors, it reminds us both why we don’t share anymore. I’m a light fidgety sleeper and DH is a loud snorer. He also gets up to use the toilet a couple of times per night and is usually up around 5am.
We now both get a much better nights sleep and are genuinely very happy to see each other in the morning.
There is no way I would ever go back to sharing a bed with anyone.

[VeryLittleOwl]

We've been together 14 years. I'd occasionally de-camp to the spare room if he was snoring or fidgeting, but we had a really stressful year last year, I put on about 20lbs and started snoring like a walrus. After about a week of him walking around with suitcases under his eyes we agreed it would be sensible if I slept in the spare room Sunday to Thursday so he always had a good night's sleep before work, and now it's all week - he likes to go to bed really early (8.30/9pm early) and I'm more a 10.30/11pm person, so it stops me disturbing him when I come up. We shared a bed when we went on holiday in December and apparently I didn't snore once, but started again once we got back to the UK! Not sure what will happen when I've lost the extra weight, I think we've both found that we like being able to spread out.

[QuizzlyBear]

My DH and I are in exactly your position, OP. I’m a ridiculously light sleeper and over the years my DH has changed from someone who snores when sleeping on his back, to someone who snores before he’s even fallen fully asleep and in every position afterwards.

He started sleeping in the spare room about 18 months ago and we’re both much happier and less sleep deprived as a result! He sneaks into my bed early in the morning for a cuddle and some nookie and tbh that’s as much as we’d be conscious together in bed anyway.

I’ve heard that it’s not as uncommon as I thought but people don’t tend to talk about it because they’re worried it makes them look a bit as though they’re in a loveless marriage.

[twinmoatm]

I snore (!) and bought some mouth strips from Amazon - very inexpensive and they work perfectly. The strips are in the shape of a X and are transparent - you just place them over your lips. They stick all night and sometimes I get two nights out of one strip. I've also read you can buy micropore silicone rolls and cut strips off and use them in the same way. Good luck. If you want to know the brand I use let me know and I'll go through my orders.

[AnnieMay100]

One of the only successful marriages I have known are because they have seperate bedrooms a snoring man is enough to drive you crazy

[Rosettarose0808]

Omg am on hols with DP don’t live together so completely over sharing bed with this snoring machine after two weeks together! Even our own DC are complaining how loud he is and they are on another level to us!!! I love him but now questioning if I could ever live together

[Vivianebrezilletbrooks]

I can't say I blame you.

There's nothing terrible about it, you get your own space and so does he.

It's a win-win as far as I can see.

Pay no mind to anyone who acts shocked or tries to tell you it's not normal etc or doesn't approve, I can only assume people like that have perfect DPs and DHs.

[Etinar]

Queen & Duke of Edinburgh have had separate bedrooms for the 70+ years of their marriage. Not sure how relevant is to anything really - as they also inhabit a separate universe; in which the Duke's snoring is probably the least of HM's concerns given his enduring propensity for deeply offensive, bigoted, public remarks wholly unbecoming of his position - happily coming to an end at last as he is officially now excused from his Ducal duties...

[Bearhorn]

We have been together 23 years, lived together for 22 years, had children for 16 years and separate bedrooms for 10 years. It was nice sharing a bed pre children when he was the centre of my universe and I wanted to sniff his scalp in the middle of the night or have sex first thing in the morning. But now I just want to sleep. He goes to bed really late, listens to the radio all night, is super sensitive to any noise I make ("you're breathing! You're breathing!) and farts horribly. I go to bed really early, like to read and then sleep like a corpse for eight hours. I love, love, love having my own room. And so does he. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

[FelicisNox]

Under the circumstances I say go for it... unless folks have been there they've no idea how bad it can be.

Obviously discuss it and agree between you and then you can have "sleepovers" to keep your sex life entertaining... try and see the positives. X

[Crummyfunnymummy]

I so wish we had an extra bedroom so I could have my own room! My DH snores really loudly. And it’s relentless. I try shoving him but he just starts up again after a minute or so. In the end he gets really cross with me for waking him up and asking him to roll over/drink water/cough etc. “Well there’s no point both of being awake, is there?!!” according to him. He is also as hot as a furnace and farts like a trombone. I really dislike sharing the bed with him and when he’s away I sleep like a dream!!! I’ve joked (in seriousness!) about us one day having a bigger house with separate rooms but he looks all dejected. But he’s not the one who gets a shit nights sleep at least 50% of the time!

[Turnitaroundagain]

It’s weird isn’t it how sleeping apart is almost a shameful thing in a marriage...when getting a good nights sleep is so important for your health

[Itsnotme123]

He refused to have separate rooms so we are now divorced.

[NotWeavingButDarning]

For work I go into a lot of private houses belonging to people of all ages, all incomes, all types of job.

Not sharing a bedroom is far, far more common than you probably think.

If it works for you, why not?

[user1498572889]

I started sleeping in a different room to my DH about 5 years ago. It was either that or divorce or DH getting his throat cut. He snores so loudly that me and the DC can hear him downstairs with the doors closed. I asked him on many occasions to go to the doctors but he refused so I moved into a different room. We both agree we sleep much better.

[Nousernamefound]

Get your snoring husband to try this - it’s brilliant for snoring!!!

Stérimar - Congestion Relief available on amazon.

[BunnyJumps]

It's the way forward

[BunnyJumps]

It's the way forward

[InspectorClouseauMNdivision]

@Turnitaroundagain agree! And also it's obviously way more common than people think. IME the ones who are horrified by it are in relatively new relationship and still can bear being woken up by their OH😁 I am just waiting for when they hit year 4 in a relationship 😂

[Gbtch]

Have you tried ear plugs?

[Turnitaroundagain]

@inspectorClouseauMNdivision I had a friend whose partner used to snore so loudly the house shook but she said she didn’t mind because it was a signal he was still alive! Bless 🤣