Separate rooms - is it really so terrible?

[PinkCareBear]

I've come to the conclusion I would be much happier sleeping in a separate room to my partner on a permanent basis. About a year ago, he started snoring and breathing very heavily in his sleep, and I am a very light sleeper/sensitive to noise. I then can't sleep, toss and turn, waking him up as a result.

He's been sleeping in the spare room maybe 5 nights a week, but we've been trying to have him back in the bed to see if we can both get a good night's sleep together. Last night was awful, I was up most of the night due to his snoring/loud breathing.

DOes anyone have a secusseful relationship despite sleeping separately? I don't know anyone in real life who admits to sleeping apart.

[DisplayPurposesOnly]

Nice Freudian slip there, Blue

[Ploppymoodypants]

I would love it. DH has been unwell and slept in DD room the last few nights as he is coughing etc (DD in with me). I have had such blissful nights sleep. No coughing, snoring, mouth breathing, farting, that man smell. It’s been brilliant, I feel guilty as I kind of want him to be ill for a few more nights 😁

[reefedsail]

Blueskies

[cranstonmanor]

My parents slept apart. We sleep apart (40 ish). My cousing sleeps apart (40 ish). Sleep is precious, it's just that it's a bit of a taboo to admit to sleeping apart. Some people think that there's a problem in the marriage is you sleep apart. Apparantly they think that you can't possibly be having sex if you then go sleep in a different bedroom.

[AFistfulofDolores1]

Why do so many men snore? I'm genuinely interested. I know women snore too, but the complaints about male partners snoring appear to be ubiquitous.

If I ever live with a partner again, we'll be having separate rooms for sure. Either that or an emperor bed (provided he doesn't snore).

[donajimena]

I'm starting to get the rage when my partner stays over. I read, he doesn't so l feel guilty if I have the light on. The other week he put the TV on at bedtime which is a no no (its bad sleep hygiene) then the snoring
I will never live with a him unless we have a bedroom each.

[Dishwashersaurous]

It’s what the royals do. Separate rooms and then visitation when required

[borntobequiet]

Not terrible, excellent idea for reasons given by pps.

[notapizzaeater]

We sleep apart too, not been a problem, still lots of intimacy. Lots of cuddles etc. On,y difference is we both get a good nights sleep

[thefirstmrsdewinter]

Dh tried a foam wedge for his snoring and it has 80% solved the problem, though I still have to shove him over on his side now and again.

[RippleEffects]

We don't have seperate rooms, lack of space with three DC, but do have single beds and single duvets.

DH snores, is a fitfull sleeper and the DC wake.

I sleep much better as a result and he can't take up three quarters of the bed claiming it's me taking over

[cjpark]

We have separate bedrooms. Been married for 20 years now. Its amazing. I can spread out, have clean, cool sheets every night or read with the light on!

[Hecateh]

As it is you that is the light sleeper, why not start off the night together in 'his' bed (the spare bedroom).
When you can't get to sleep OR when he wakes you, you can then go to 'your' bed.
This way you will hopefully be more relaxed as you know your bed is waiting when you are ready for it. You may find that you sleep better knowing that you have more control over where you spend the night but if not there isn't an issue

[Judystilldreamsofhorses]

We usually have a couple of nights a week with DP in the spare room. He is a terrible snorer. We absolutely always sleep together on the weekends unless one of us is ill, and no issues with intimacy. I am definitely less likely to be up for sex or even a cuddle if I am murderous with sleep deprivation, tbh.

[JuniLoolaPalooza]

We sleep apart - though I sleep with the baby. We slept apart from when DD (age 4 now) was about 4 months. I love it. I get to go to bed when I want to, he doesn't have to put up with my mess. It's just much easier. We don't have much sex atm due to the kids but we just go in one room and then say night night.

[wonkylegs]

We sleep apart about 50% of the time
We have a very nice guest room and I find the bed in there more comfortable when my joints are sore (I have RA) and I fidget a lot due to my joints so don't sleep well.
DH sometimes snores but is also very hot, so wants to sleep with a summer duvet when I'm still on the winter one. We also sleep apart when he's on call as I don't want to be woken by his bleep.
We tend to go to bed together but I tend to swap to the other room when I first wake up around 2am.
We've been like this for many years and it works for us.

[fairislecable]

We have spare room and I am a terrible sleeper after about 3:00 am.

I decorated one room and designated it “the guest room” my DH (who snores - despite surgery) liked it so much he moved in!

It works VERY well for us but when having building work done the builders seemed a little uncomfortable when we used the correct names for each room ie: fairisles room or DH room.

I refused to be shamed MY house MY choice.

[Dippypippy1980]

People equate sex with sharing a bed.

I went through a very stressful time which meant I couldn’t sleep and woke up all though th night. I slept in the spare room so bf could get some sleep(and woundlt kno how bad it was). We still had sex - I just trotted if there is the spare room later.

Is it’s a practical situation to a sleep issue , and if it doesn’t get in the ah of intamacy then I don’t see the issue

[masktaster]

DP works late shifts, and I usually have a sprawling toddler in bed with me. Can't remember the last time we managed a whole night together! We just make time for each other in the time we do have together + awake (see: late shifts), and it works for us.

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

We still live in separate houses! Works brilliantly. No petty arguing over mess or whose doing what ( or not).
We both love our own beds for sleep so I imagine if we did move in together we’d sleep apart.

[Bringbackthestripes]

We did go through a (very loooong) period of DH in spare room as he was keeping me awake with snoring, restless leg syndrome etc. And I had to get up early.

Then I also deveolped health problems which kept me awake, my medication for those enables me to sleep a little better so we are back in the same bed BUT his restless legs -jumping and running in the night- have started to wake me up, there have also been times where i have had to shove him to check he is still alive (because when someone usually so active all f-ing night is suddenly very still, it wakes you in shock, to check they are alive!) he has been referred to check for sleep apnoea. If he has it he will be moving permanently into the spare room.

We have friend a similar age (late 40’s) where they now have separate rooms because her snoring keeps him awake.

Has your DH put on weight that is the reason for his snoring?how long have you happily shared a bed previously? A sudden change is alarming

[Shebertherbert]

We sleep apart. I am a light sleeper. My husbands snoring was so bad I never slept. He would fall asleep almost instantly and I would be left listening to him. Getting more and more tense. It was like torture. I would get annoyed and disturb his sleep. So neither of us slept well. Now we cuddle up in the evening in the main bedroom watch tv ect. Then I get up and go to sleep in the spare room. Blissful silence and a decent nights sleep. Although somehow he ended up with the kingsize bed and the cat and I share a single.

[80sMum]

DH and I have had separate rooms for over 15 years. It's so much nicer than the desperate trek to the spare room in the middle of the night in search of sleep. We lasted over 20 years in the same bed, but enough was enough.

[CerealMonogamist]

I think it possibly can work, if everything else is ok.

XH and I had separate bedrooms. It was initially because of his snoring and horrible breathing. But I just loved having the bed to myself. He was miserable about it, but he was also something of a shit, so I was not inclined to make an effort in the end.

I swore I would never, ever, ever share a bed with anyone again.

I would now lie with DP and listen to him snore all night long, just in order to share a bed with him. Fortunately, though, he doesn't snore. He does like a thick duvet and I am always too hot, but we muddle through with layers of bedding which I can take off and he can put on.

So I'm a bit ambivalent, really.

[SarfE4sticated]

I use earplugs from Boots and they drown out any noise whatsoever. You have to get the really dense ones though so do your research before you buy any. In you want to sleep separately then go for it