Separate rooms - is it really so terrible?

[PinkCareBear]

I've come to the conclusion I would be much happier sleeping in a separate room to my partner on a permanent basis. About a year ago, he started snoring and breathing very heavily in his sleep, and I am a very light sleeper/sensitive to noise. I then can't sleep, toss and turn, waking him up as a result.

He's been sleeping in the spare room maybe 5 nights a week, but we've been trying to have him back in the bed to see if we can both get a good night's sleep together. Last night was awful, I was up most of the night due to his snoring/loud breathing.

DOes anyone have a secusseful relationship despite sleeping separately? I don't know anyone in real life who admits to sleeping apart.

[InspectorClouseauMNdivision]

@Turnitaroundagain my mum used to say that😂

[CaptainMyCaptain]

I wear ear plugs but they're not actually very comfortable.

[Msfoxy17]

My husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms pretty much every night since we bought a house last year which meant we are able to.

I am a horrible snorer.. It seems to be in my genes and is nothing to do with weight or anything else.. I thought an operation would help but apparently I'm the type of snorer for whom it would make little difference (i had a night in hospital once being monitored so they could see what the problem was! That was when I was in my twenties!)

I fall asleep as soon my head hits the pillow.. And start snoring pretty much right away. And then I move about a lot, hog the duvet, starfish across the bed, talk in my sleep if I'm not snoring... My husband needs hours to get to sleep, and moves around and fidgets all that time, which bothers me a lot.

Basically we are completely incompatible in bed.. In the sharing a bed sense!

Add to the mix the fact we've got a toddler who only just started sleeping through...

It I'm honest I do really miss the snuggling sometimes even tho we do try to do that for a bit most nights. And it does feel strange given we are only in our thirties..
However we both sleep so much better and unless some miracle cures my snoring that's how we'll continue. I think now we are in separate beds at home it's even worse when we have to share when we go away and stay at friends or family.

However, personally I don't think it's a big deal if you have lots of love and affection in your relationship otherwise.

[Beaubird83]

I think it’s a sign of attempting to keep a healthy relationship, which can only be a good thing!
I know mine and OHs relationship isn’t that good we could survive sleeping in diff rooms though. He is very paranoid anyway (from previous relationships not ours) and would assume I was getting ready to leave him.
He snores horrendously, breathes loudly through his mouth, star fish’s, and our 4 stone staffie has to sleep next to him (it sounds bad but it’s not tbh). We have a king size bed so I still get space.
I like my sleep. I like my space. I don’t like noise, light, or anything touching me! I poke OH when he snores or if he’s breathing too loud and he’ll roll over and happy days.

He has sleep apnea, and the longest I’ve timed him stop breathing for is 34 seconds. It was 34 seconds as he told me to time it, and by that stage I was so freaked out I shook him to wake him up. It’s terrifying. He’s sought advice for it and he’s currently working through a long list of ‘remedies’ trying to find one that works. I couldn’t sleep in another room in case he genuinely just stopped breathing because of it! I wait for him to fall into deep sleep before I sleep!

May be worth your OH getting checked for it or the signs of it!

[NC29]

We slept apart for years with my DH. Even nowadays I sometimes move out to the couch for a few days or get him to sleep there so both of us can get proper sleep. He falls asleep in 2 minutes and snores. I take almost an hour to fall asleep and wake to the slightest noise sometimes. Other times not so much. But there are times that he sleeps superficially for days and I keep him awake with my breathing! :) So at times like that one of us moves out.
I never understood why it was an issue. It's only sleep. Not some symbolic thing. Sharing a bed is not what it's all cracked up to be :) (and other activities that could be done there also can be done in all other rooms :) )

[SarfE4sticated]

Crikey I bet some tabloid journos are enjoying this thread, and the topic will feature soon in a DM column.

[TigerTooth]

Oh it is wonderful!
I took up residence in a spare room a year ago - DH was a bit pissed off at first - then he too realised that he sleeps better alone.
I’ve now moved my cloths and cosmetics into spare room so it’s not just a temporary thing - we have separate rooms to sleep in - it’s heaven! I’m in bed now, lamps on -he’s asleep in his. Try it - you’ll both be happier and it won’t damage your relationship - it will improve it.

[WatershedMoment]

What sounds more sensible?

1. Be sleep deprived. For ever.
2. Divorce.
3. Have separate rooms, get a good nights sleep, stay with the man you love and ensure you work to keep the intimacy and fun.

I think 1 sounds like the best option.

^
This!
I never saw the big deal about separate rooms. Why have sleepless nights.

[WatershedMoment]

*earplugs really dont block out someone who is a really bad snorer. Nothing does!!!

[Bobbi73]

Many moons ago, I lived in a 3 bedroom rented cottage with my then boyfriend. We had a bedroom each and a shared bedroom. We mostly shared a bed as we were young and in love but it was great having our own space. I would love something like that again one day when the kids have flown the nest.
My husband works away a lot and while I miss him, I love having the bed to myself!

[NeverSayFreelance]

This would make my sleep much more peaceful - if DP's snoring wasn't so loud I can hear it through the walls. In fact, a couple of weeks back, I had gone up to bed and left him watching TV downstairs and I had to go down about an hour later to wake him because he'd fallen asleep on the couch and his snoring was keeping me awake. On two different floors.

But if the walls are thick enough then do it

[Ilovemypantry]

thefirstmrsdewinter

Where does the foam wedge go?🤔

[lboogy]

Those who sleep apart, does it affect your sex life?

[Megan2018]

@lboogy
No. Not at all. We either go to bed in one room with each other then leave after. Or the opposite in the mornings.
But we aren’t “just in bed” people

[mummymayhem18]

Like another poster said earplugs don't block the snoring out. Also they start to hurt my ears after a few nights.

[SallyWD]

Go for it! Sleep is sooo important.

[seastargirl]

Separate rooms here and love it! He has restless legs, I wake up at every wriggle.

I'm 7 months pregnant with baby no 3 so it certainly doesn't affect things in that department either!

[Ablemaybel]

We've had

[Ablemaybel]

Dropped iPad!
We've slept separately for about a year. Marriage saver!
Dh falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow and then shakes the house with his snoring. He also moves about during sleep. It got to the point neither of us had a good night's sleep, as I was continually shoving him onto his side.

[Turnitaroundagain]

@inspectorclouseauMNdivision .....Omg what are the chances of that! The person I’m talking about hasn’t got kids, maybe it’s more common than anyone would think. I’ve always been flabbergasted at the amount of heart required to make that statement

[CoolCatKat]

Those who sleep apart, does it affect your sex life?
No but getting zero sleep does. If your DH is a proper loud snorer you have to sleep apart or get no sleep. It's just a shame because holidays are really expensive because you need seperate hotel rooms or 2 bed apts.

[ememem84]

We sleep apart occasionally. If one of us is ill the well one goes in the spare room. No sense for two people to be kept awake etc.

I’m pregnant at present and dh has been sleeping in the spare room a bit more as I’m sniffly not sleeping well and have my gigantic preggo pillow in bed too. We both sleep better and are well rested.

I almost wanted to smother him last night though as he was snoring so much!!

[joystir59]

I don't snore now I'm losing weight. And we have a 2m wide bed which means we sleep together but have loads of space for tossing and turning. But the snoring was a big issue before. Gone now!

[InspectorClouseauMNdivision]

@Turnitaroundagain I doubt you would know my mum though😂 Dad had heart issues so snoring was really good indicator of "still there". Good to see it's more common than I thought😂
Although during the day it was an indication of thinking according to him.
"I wasn't sleeping and snoring! I was just thinking!" 😂

Those who sleep apart, does it affect your sex life?

If you do it only in a bed at bed time, it might? But then there are other times of the day and other rooms😉 Or you can do as @Megan2018. We do that too.

I love my husband, but I can live without him and he xan live without me. However, none of us can live without sleep.

[MattieB19]

SarfE4sticated which ear plugs do you use if you don't mind me asking?