Separate rooms - is it really so terrible?

[PinkCareBear]

I've come to the conclusion I would be much happier sleeping in a separate room to my partner on a permanent basis. About a year ago, he started snoring and breathing very heavily in his sleep, and I am a very light sleeper/sensitive to noise. I then can't sleep, toss and turn, waking him up as a result.

He's been sleeping in the spare room maybe 5 nights a week, but we've been trying to have him back in the bed to see if we can both get a good night's sleep together. Last night was awful, I was up most of the night due to his snoring/loud breathing.

DOes anyone have a secusseful relationship despite sleeping separately? I don't know anyone in real life who admits to sleeping apart.

[katseyes7]

My ex husband was a horrific snorer. We ended up with separate rooms, with a room in between, all the doors shut, and l could still hear him. lt was like someone drilling into a wall. We were once on holiday, and on the third night l was in tears at 3am because l'd had no sleep since we got there.
My friend is a terrible snorer, apparently. She's and her partner sleep separately, but their relationship is still fine, if you get my drift. He works, she has health issues so can't, so he gets his sleep, and as someone else said, they have 'visits'. They seem very happy and close.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It is far more common than you think. Dh now sleeps in the spare room for me. He snores. I’m a light sleeper and go to bed early. He’s the opposite and used to come to bed waking me well into the night in the week and 1 am at the weekend. I then couldn’t sleep again. I’m chronically ill and need my sleep.

[mummymayhem18]

My husband and I have our own bedrooms. Have done for years. His snoring is very bad. I'm a light sleeper and don't sleep well. Plus I have health conditions and problems so it's much easier and less stressful knowing we aren't keeping each other awake. We all need our sleep otherwise you feel like s**t! X

[krustykittens]

We do, we have been together 23 years, doesn't affect our closeness at all. I am the one who snores, I also have night terrors and sweats so I am not the easiest person to sleep with. I am also much colder in bed than my DH so like lot more layers. We always get into a bed at night to cuddle and talk and wind down after the day and if we have time, we cuddle in the mornings. Still very tactile and loving, have no problem making time for sex so I don't see the issue. I am not tense and worried about falling asleep and waking him up, he's not tense and worried he is not going to get a good nights sleep. If it works for you, do it. Sleep is vital.

[HopeMatters]

A couple we know only sleep together at weekends - works for them!

We don't have a spare room just now, but I snore terribly and suspect when we love house DH and I will sleep separately a lot more often.

[Waveysnail]

No I'd love it. Dh goes to sleep first and I read so id happily nip into another room once he was asleep as I do like our wee bed time chat

[MoaningMinniee]

To answer the second part of your question... sometimes we start in the same bedroom... otherwise dd2 and dd3 would not have come into existence....

[Surfskatefamily]

Me and dh sleep separatrly due to snoring. Tried for years to sleep next to each other. Im 30 so we're hardly elderly

[Jux]

It is lovely having the whole bed to myself, being able to just switch on the light and read when I can't sleep, have the furniture where I want it and then move it around again if I want to just because I feel like it.

I was deeply ashamed when dh decided to sleep in the other room, I thought reflected on me as a wife and everyone would judge me for it, but actually it's great!

We both snore though dh thinks he doesn't even though he's been played a recording! He can't tolerate my snoring anyway, nor my difficulties in sleeping - I couldn't even go and read downstairs as just getting out of bed annoyed him despite how gently I did it. From my pov he snored, took up most of the space, wouldn't let me have the furniture arranged sensibly, decided when the lights had to go out etc etc etc

We both sleep much better apart.

[FormerlyFrikadela01]

I'd love to have a spare room to retreat to when DP is keeping me awake with his impression of a friggin steam engine. However we don't have room. I just have to look forward to the few nights a month when one of us is working the night shift so I get the bed all to myself.

I wish separate rooms was seen as more normal. My in laws have a fabulous marriage with their own bedroom each.

[mbosnz]

We've been together 27 years. His snoring has got worse, my light sleeping has got worse (and my snoring too, apparently!), now I have night sweats, and the cat insists on being up close and personal when I sleep.

So I sleep more often than not in another room - but usually on the weekends, I sleep in the same bed, and every morning I get up around dawn and move in with him, so we get that closeness.

It works for us. I don't deal well with interrupted or lack of sleep, I become something of a homicidal maniac.

It's not his fault he's snoring, it's not my fault I'm a light sleeper, who runs a trifle on the hot and sweaty side, with an overly attached cat . . .

[Troels]

We sleep separately some nights. I snore loudly due to allergies and don't want to spend my life comatosed on allergy meds. He also snores like a freight train sometimes. This last week we spent two nights in the same bed and have had good sleep all week.

[Lineo68]

We sleep separately 5/6 nights a week. Works a treat. I can’t stand noise and am
A terrible sleeper. Had we not done this we would have divorced. We get on much better now!

[gamerchick]

but you need to think carefully as it can affect the closeness you have as a couple

It doesn't.

The problem with sleeping separatley is you get used to it. So when you book hotels etc you can't get a night's sleep!

I don't have that problem either.

I love my bedroom, it's like a giant hug when I go in and close the door. I sleep well and if I am Ill or he is we're not disturbing the other.

It doesnt affect sex life, our bond or our happiness in general. It's just a way to make sure of a full night's sleep.

[Cherrysoup]

Yes, I prefer it or at least a room to go when I wake up with insomnia

This is me, we start together but I often end up in the spare room with the dogs who don’t mind me sighing and turning over lots.

[w0man]

Have slept separately since we met at 19 and 23

Three nights sleeping in same bed we knew it was gonna be an issue, I'm a mover and a a fidgety in my sleep, dh snores like a train once he finally manages to nod off.



Been together 19 years.

I love it. He loves it. Don't give a fuck what stereotypes or judgmental people think about my marriage. Weve been together almost 20 years now and it works for us.

[InspectorClouseauMNdivision]

It's a bliss. We used to share bed, but for last 5 years we sleep in separate rooms. I move, he snores. Bad combo.
We like each other in a morning after habing great sleep rather than suffering for the sake of sharing a bad. If I get interrupted sleep, I am essentially unusable next day and bloody moody.

I believe it would not work for everyone, but it's not a marriage killer as many seem to think.
Most people don't say it out loud though, because they are usually met with utterly horrified faces and "But what about sex???"
Like people have sex only in a bedroom at bedtime🙄

[Monkey0666]

We've slept in separate rooms for about 6 months now. Started due to sleeping problems of both of us, snoring, liking different temperatures - it just seemed the sensible option. We have grown apart though because of it, which makes me a bit sad , but somehow I haven't been able to motivate myself to talk about it with DH. I also feel embarrassed about anyone else knowing . Thanks for bring this up, it's made me think. Hope you make the right choice for you and your relationship x

[QueenKubauOfKish]

When I was with my ex I always used to wish I had my own room. I used to think the DC get a room each, rightly so so they have their privacy, but I have to share with messy, smelly, snoring DP! He also used to flip his whole body around for ages and shake the bed while trying to get to sleep, which woke me up. We didn't have a spare room so no option to have my own.

Now I'm single, having my own room and double bed is one of the greatest joys and I couldn't go back. If you're in a happy and strong relationship, I don't think having separate rooms would harm it, especially if it makes you happier and sleep better.

[LumpyPillow]

P.s I was in 20s when started sleeping separately, now 30s. So not elderly either.

I spoke to a young girl in 20s recently at work who mentioned due to illness she had moved into spare room but didn’t want to move back in because it was so wonderful to get a good nights sleep, but felt she had to. Loads of people want to do it but feel they can’t.

[Februaryblooms]

Me and mine sleep in separate rooms for the same reason, it hasn't done us any harm and were expecting another baby next week so it hasn't impacted our 'alone time'

Truth be told I can't stand the sweating/snoring/tossing and turning through the night and after trying numerous sleep aids, nothing worked.

It was a last resort but works for us and it's just how it is now. No resentment on either side (I think!)

[donajimena]

My partner and I stay in hotels a lot. I actually don't mind sharing a bed in hotels. It doesn't matter if we have a disturbed night because we aren't working the next day. That being said we try and book a twin where possible. You can still have your visitation you just have to balance it out

[ninnypoo]

I use earplugs every night as can't sleep with noise and DP breathes far too loudly! Might be worth trying as a last ditch?

[NewAndImprovedNorks]

30 years married...27 of those in separate rooms.
Otherwise it would have been 3 years married and 27 years sentence for manslaughter whilst sleep deprived

I love the man completely and utterly...but I do love my own space, and so does he

[greenlloon]

The only people I know that do, are elderly couples, to be honest. im 25 been with bf for 5 years and always have had separate rooms