Me or DH?

[OnlyTrying]

Long time poster...NC because it's ridiculous.

Background: I'm a massive pushover, low self esteem, battling anxiety but prone to over reacting. Asserting myself more after CBT! DH is kind, but stubborn. What he says usually goes. 9/10 times he's right anyway.

So I decided to plant some flowers in the garden. DH wonders over once or twice. Suggests I move some to somewhere else, which I do. Mildly annoyed I can't be left to it.

All planted, hard work done, weeding done, I start to water them using a bucket with water. Happy & proud of my mini Titchmarsh afternoon. DH wonders over and tells me I should use the hose.

He links the hose to the tap and I take it. Normally he waters the garden and I can see he's ITCHY to make it off me. I ignore and start watering. My own merry way.

DH follows me, watching judging and says I'm not doing it right and wants to take it off me to show me an 'easier, better way'.

I tell him firmly that I'm happy how I'm doing it and can he please quit micro managing me. He storms off.

Now he's in a huff.

Should I apologise or should he? I'll go with the majority opinion!!

I would've watered him tbh.

Urmmm slightly over the top to get into a huff for...

He’s in the wrong for micro managing, you’re in the wrong for not being willing to listen to his watering experience

(Wandering off slightly bemused ....)

I don't see why you should apologise given that he kept interfering, and given that it's not brain surgery and the plants being watered the 'wrong' way is hardly crucial. However, I suspect you won't get an apology out of him either. How do you normally resolve differences? Or do you usually give in for a quiet life?

Another vote for watering him

He is not kind or reasonable

YANBU

Jeez, tell him to fuck off. Can't believe you even moved the plants when his highness deemed it necessary.

What he says usually goes

Because he huffs and sulks like a child until he gets his way?

9/10 times he's right anyway

Is he? Or is he just domineering and its easier to give in? Of course, it's possible that he tells you how to do everything and mostly his instructions are just common sense, so it's easy for him to be "right", ie : telling you how to do basic tasks that you wouldnt have messed up anyway.

low self esteem, battling anxiety
Ever wondered why?
You’ve got bigger issues with your ‘D’H than your seeming ‘inability to use a garden hosepipe correctly’.

I have to say I would just ignore it until he says something else. He's used to controlling you so he will need time to adjust now you have found your voice. He should clearly eventually apologise for years of demeaning and infantilising you but I will take a wild stab in the dark it's not going to happen any time soon! Keep sticking up for yourself - your views, opinions, wants and desires are every bit as valid as his.

I suspect that 9/10 times he’s not actually right but you give in for an easy life. The fact that he’s stormed off in a huff on the rare occasion you haven’t conceded to his greater knowledge says it all.

I bet your anxiety issues would diminish rapidly without him around... have you thought about that?

I’d have turned the hose on him.

Or do you usually give in for a quiet life

Pretty much. A lot stresses him out, he's sensitive, so if he's not a 'yes' on something, then it doesn't happen. That's that.

I know this was such a small thing but surely I can be trusted to water the frigging plants by myself. It wiped the teeny atom of pride I had. I hate doing anything wrong.

I’d have turned the hose on him too 🙂

I expect if you left this giant twat your anxiety would disappear too.

I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, live like that.

I bet your anxiety issues would diminish rapidly without him around... have you thought about that?

It's hard to admit but maybe. I can't really be 'me' because I don't want to stress him out.

And I'm quite co-dependant with him. It's not healthy. I need to work on me, I just feel I'm nothing without this marriage.

I'm going to have a gin.

He sounds really annoying.

You watered “wrong”!
He should divorce you!
Actually, he owes you an apology for being rude & controlling.
It doesn’t matter if he is right “9/10 times“, he is not in charge of you.

Have you ever turned the tables on him and micro managed him doing a simple task with lots of ridiculous comments?

Have you ever turned the tables on him and micro managed him

He'd literally burst into flames with annoyance if I did that. I leave him to whatever he does. Even if I think something could be done better, I'm respectful everyone does things differently.

like the ineffective way he pegs out washing

YANBU.

If I were you, I'd have been unable to help myself from mis-aiming the hose and - ooops - my DH got a bit watered along with some plants. It would have happened because I'm so rubbish at watering, as DH kept telling me.

How can you water the plants wrongly?

I am another who would have turned the hose onto him. After all, if he is going to get the hump then he might just as well have a good reason for it.

Well you're married to your Dad. Who thinks you're about 12.

Best of luck with that.

And what are this man’s good points?!

he is the reason you have low self esteam and anxiety bloody hell i'm wondering if your living with my ex.
he wore me down that much i had no confidence and if someone asked me a question instead of giving an answear that i knew was right i would say i think ........ is the answear
don't apologise but tell him thanks for his input but if you need help your ask for it

Stop pandering to this controlling idiot and take control of your life. I promise you your anxiety will lessen if not be gone for good. You have allowed him to force you into subjugation and you spend your days walking around as though on eggshells like a child. You are not a child and this bullshit needs to stop now. If he strops off in a tantrum, let him, and don't give a shit about it. Stop this madness right now.

YANBU that would drive anyone insane.