Me or DH?

[OnlyTrying]

Long time poster...NC because it's ridiculous.

Background: I'm a massive pushover, low self esteem, battling anxiety but prone to over reacting. Asserting myself more after CBT! DH is kind, but stubborn. What he says usually goes. 9/10 times he's right anyway.

So I decided to plant some flowers in the garden. DH wonders over once or twice. Suggests I move some to somewhere else, which I do. Mildly annoyed I can't be left to it.

All planted, hard work done, weeding done, I start to water them using a bucket with water. Happy & proud of my mini Titchmarsh afternoon. DH wonders over and tells me I should use the hose.

He links the hose to the tap and I take it. Normally he waters the garden and I can see he's ITCHY to make it off me. I ignore and start watering. My own merry way.

DH follows me, watching judging and says I'm not doing it right and wants to take it off me to show me an 'easier, better way'.

I tell him firmly that I'm happy how I'm doing it and can he please quit micro managing me. He storms off.

Now he's in a huff.

Should I apologise or should he? I'll go with the majority opinion!!

That is very excellent news. I wish you all the best in your new life.

Good to hear you are doing ok.

Lovely to hear you're happy.

I hope it long continues lass.

Sorry haven’t read the whole thread so may be repeating, buthave tpu tried talking about it when it’s not happening. The triggers are so active for both of you in this that it s really tricky to sort out on the moment. Tell him what effect he had on you, that way when he does it you can stay calm and say “ this is what I mean, I feel micromanaged, can you let me get on with it myself”

If he can’t reel himself in , or even take the first conversation, then he can’t teally have your best interests at heart.

That's great OP and I'm glad your DH has broadened his outlook too. Onwards and upwards!

Well done on the volunteer work!
I hope this will lead to many new adventures!

That's brilliant work, OP.

I don't want to be negative, but just want to say that I hope that your DH also realises that being more active and involved in life is good for him in its own right, rather than just being something he needs to do to keep you in the relationship.

My one worry in your position would be that if his enthusiasm tails off, or if you eventually decide that even with the changes, the marriage is not what you want, this could be used as emotional blackmail against you: "Look at everything I did for you, how can you leave me after all I have done?" or something along those lines. Be prepared, but stay positive! You are sounding so much happier already.

I felt bad going back as I wasn't as good as everyone else and I felt guilty about spending the cost of the class on myself

a) You'll get better as you do more classes b) Even if you don't, the point is to have a nice time doing yoga c) You are allowed to spend money on yourself.

I feel good but a bit mixed. Was I being overbearing and controlling by sort of forcing him to go?

No. Sometimes people need a kick up the arse and a loving partner can provide it. It's overbearing and controlling if you do it all the time, like if every time things aren't going your way, you get stressed and make everyone around you miserable, or if you micro-manage everything on a regular basis. The occasional shove in a positive direction isn't in the same league. Glass of water versus flooding.

Fabulous @OnlyTrying! So pleased for you. Thanks for updating, and long may it continue xxx