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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I allow DD (6) to stay at this party?

187 replies

unsureparty · 18/04/2019 19:10

I have a DD 6 and I have been with my partner for 18 months. She adores DP, and we have recently started staying over his house on occasions. She has her own little bedroom at his house and she loves 'sleeping over.'

Tomorrow evening DP is having an Easter party at his house with his friends, I have met all of his friends on several occasions. I have no childcare for the evening so if I am going to attend then DD would need to stay over with us. It is an adult party but of course I would not be drinking if she is sleeping upstairs.

The trouble is, his friends are very much still in the 'lad' culture. They are all late 20's, but frankly behave like teenagers. They often cannot control their alcohol intake and will get smashed. There was an occasion recently where me and DD were staying over, and two of his mates came over for dinner only to end up sleeping over in the spare bedroom, which I had no idea would be happening. Neither did DP, he was very much put on the spot. He has assured me it will never happen again.

DP really wants me to come to the party as it's an annual Easter tradition he has, and he wants me there. I have said I am concerned that:

  1. Drunken people may wander accidentally into her bedroom. We cannot keep an eye on all of the guests and as I said, they are very immature!
  1. In addition to the above, I am concerned that people will end up 'crashing' in the spare bedroom/living room/wherever they can basically. Not particularly happy with the possibility of DD waking up to random men/women/people all over the house.

DP is assuring me and swearing blind that the above categorically will not happen. He will be telling people to leave at a reasonable time and will not be put on the spot to let people stay over. He also said we can put up a sign/barrier to stop people from accidentally entering her room (not sure this would stop drunken people!)

I do remember occasions as a child where I would be in bed and adults would be drinking and partying downstairs. Admittedly all was okay, I remember nothing apart from feeling left out, although my mum has some funny stories to tell about it all now.

AIBU to say no, I do not want DD staying over and I am refusing the invite? Am I being too over cautious?

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 18/04/2019 19:11

I wouldn't go.

Hoplittlebunnies · 18/04/2019 19:12

Absolutely not. I wouldn't leave my DC where so many unknown, unsupervised adults could get to them.

And even if you've met them, they are still pretty unknown to your DD.

GMtoBe · 18/04/2019 19:13

I wouldn't go. It's just one night. Not the end of the world if you aren't there. You and your daughter can go round the morning after.

TowerRavenSeven · 18/04/2019 19:13

I would go to the party but leave with your dd at a reasonable time and go to your own home.

desperatehousewife2 · 18/04/2019 19:15

There’s no way on earth I’d be going to this party

speakout · 18/04/2019 19:15

No I wouldn't go.

With or without a child.
These "laddish" friends sound horrendous.

A lads piss up is an Easter tradition?

I would be washing my hair that night.

flumpybear · 18/04/2019 19:16

Nope, laddish party is no place for a
Child

BettysLeftTentacle · 18/04/2019 19:16

If you and your DD knew these people well then I’d say you’re worrying about nothing but they’re practically strangers. Based on that, no, I wouldn’t go and stay over. Could you just go for a a few hours until DDs bedtime and then leave?

motherofdxughters · 18/04/2019 19:17

I'd do like pp have said. Go with your DD but leave at a reasonable time and head to your own house. If this isn't possible, don't go.

I used to sleep upstairs while my parents entertained but these were people I and they knew and upstairs was strictly off limits (we had a downstairs bathroom). If these were your friends and you were in control of the situation I'd think differently but I would feel uneasy about this.

speakout · 18/04/2019 19:20

You and your daughter can go round the morning after.

Ha ha- that would be lovely, empty beer cans everywhere and piss all over the bathroom floor.

I would be giving the place a wide berth for a few days.

Hollowvictory · 18/04/2019 19:22

Don't go. An adult piss up is not for a 6 year old.

DizzyPhillips · 18/04/2019 19:22

Oh give them a break! Bunch of blokes in their 20s having a party. Shocker.

Having said that I wouldn’t take my kids to such a party. I’d also be annoyed to go to such a party and find someone’s kid there in all honesty.

MumUnderTheMoon · 18/04/2019 19:25

No that is no place for a child. That situation could leave your dd very vulnerable.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2019 19:25

No drunken lads party is any place for a child to be, your dp should respect that. If he does not, it would be a red flag for me.

KittyInTheCradle · 18/04/2019 19:27

I think it's fine as you're going to be sober and responsible. He has said he will make sure people don't stay over.

As we get older all these kind of parties will surely become family parties I think

speakout · 18/04/2019 19:27

Oh give them a break! Bunch of blokes in their 20s having a party. Shocker.

No one is suggesting that these guys have don't right to have an Easter piss up- no problem with that- if that is what they want to do then great.

Not something I would get involved with and certainly not a place fr a 6 year old.

KittyInTheCradle · 18/04/2019 19:28

Also your dd I'm assuming would be in bed during the party and as long as dp keeps his word and tells friends not to disturb sleeping child & they can't stay, and her mum's in the house and sober, sounds okay

UCOforAC12 · 18/04/2019 19:29

They are welcome to have the party but it's no place for a 6 year old

Original poster
unsureparty · 18/04/2019 19:29

Sorry I do seem to have portrayed it as strictly a 'lads' party! His friends are very immature and laddish, but the girlfriends are all coming too. So not just a lads drunken piss up. More of celebratory drinks with friends in the garden as the weather is nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
unsureparty · 18/04/2019 19:30

KittyInTheCradle DD would be in bed asleep before anyone arrives.

OP posts:
DizzyPhillips · 18/04/2019 19:31

Also I have a four year old. There is absolutely no way on this earth she would go to sleep while there’s a party downstairs. I wish she would.

KittyInTheCradle · 18/04/2019 19:32

I would go on the basis of the above assurances

If it turns out otherwise I would be annoyed!

LL83 · 18/04/2019 19:32

I wouldn't go. Say next year you will try and get childcare but not possible this yr.

Original poster
unsureparty · 18/04/2019 19:32

I'm lucky enough to have a DD that could sleep through an atomic blast and never comes out of her room at night, she always calls for me on the very rare occasions she ever wakes. So I have no worries she will wander downstairs.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2019 19:32

I still woulden't, considering the behaviour of his friends.