Should I allow DD (6) to stay at this party?

[unsureparty]

I have a DD 6 and I have been with my partner for 18 months. She adores DP, and we have recently started staying over his house on occasions. She has her own little bedroom at his house and she loves 'sleeping over.'

Tomorrow evening DP is having an Easter party at his house with his friends, I have met all of his friends on several occasions. I have no childcare for the evening so if I am going to attend then DD would need to stay over with us. It is an adult party but of course I would not be drinking if she is sleeping upstairs.

The trouble is, his friends are very much still in the 'lad' culture. They are all late 20's, but frankly behave like teenagers. They often cannot control their alcohol intake and will get smashed. There was an occasion recently where me and DD were staying over, and two of his mates came over for dinner only to end up sleeping over in the spare bedroom, which I had no idea would be happening. Neither did DP, he was very much put on the spot. He has assured me it will never happen again.

DP really wants me to come to the party as it's an annual Easter tradition he has, and he wants me there. I have said I am concerned that:

1. Drunken people may wander accidentally into her bedroom. We cannot keep an eye on all of the guests and as I said, they are very immature!

1. In addition to the above, I am concerned that people will end up 'crashing' in the spare bedroom/living room/wherever they can basically. Not particularly happy with the possibility of DD waking up to random men/women/people all over the house.

DP is assuring me and swearing blind that the above categorically will not happen. He will be telling people to leave at a reasonable time and will not be put on the spot to let people stay over. He also said we can put up a sign/barrier to stop people from accidentally entering her room (not sure this would stop drunken people!)

I do remember occasions as a child where I would be in bed and adults would be drinking and partying downstairs. Admittedly all was okay, I remember nothing apart from feeling left out, although my mum has some funny stories to tell about it all now.

AIBU to say no, I do not want DD staying over and I am refusing the invite? Am I being too over cautious?

Also ha ha ha ha at the ubiquitous use of ‘partner’ now when really they mean boyfriend.

Your partner sounds like he’s gone to a lot of trouble to reassure you and accommodate the needs of your (not his) child. He’s also risking alienating his friends for you. Some gratitude wouldn’t go amiss. Yes you should stay home, nobody likes a killjoy!

I am glad that it went well. It is obvious your past experienced of them made you worried which is natural.

@SarahMontague great call with Predators.
It’s the very first thing I thought of when I read the line about him being adamant she should trust I’m and then all the back peddling.

It’s a very important read for every parent I think so OP be as smug as you like but I urge you to read this book. It’s rare I feel so strongly a stranger on the internet could benefit from it.

Also OP, you can think we’re all too quick to shout LTB. Admittedly I probably am myself because the perceive of most posts are written from the negative side but we all know people and relationships are much more multifaceted BUT I do t believe there is such thing as being too careful where children are concerned. Our children as single parents are statistically more at risk so it’s absolutely essential to be vigilant. That’s not hysterical it’s just sensible.

Right, so you feel smug now because you trusted the boyfriend you clearly weren't all that confident in in the first place? You asked a question, and received opinions based on the information that you provided. And then got all 'I told you so' when you had a different experience. 😂🤦

I'm glad it went well, OP. I was one of the ones who said that based on your initial posts there were red flags.

Your words painted a picture of a party with lots of very immature drunk men who might enter your sleeping child's bedroom and a boyfriend who was not listening to your concerns.

It turns out that it was a low-key family garden party with little drinking and over by 11am.

Is it any surprise that people reacted as they did? We were concerned for you and your child. No one would have been worried if you'd portrayed the situation accurately, so not sure why you're getting snippy at people.

Again, I'm very pleased your daughter had fun and all went well.

*11pm not am.

You described it as a drunken lad's party.

It clearly was a family garden party.

Totally and utterly different.

It sounds like a perfectly civilised evening OP, and much like ones I've hosted and been to myself. Glad your DP came up trumps too!

You said it was an adult party. You never mentioned that other kids would be there. Anyway, at least it all worked out.

Smug arsehole.
Don't know why you're being so smug when you like to play fast and loose with your childs safety
Here's a prize