Should I allow DD (6) to stay at this party?

[unsureparty]

I have a DD 6 and I have been with my partner for 18 months. She adores DP, and we have recently started staying over his house on occasions. She has her own little bedroom at his house and she loves 'sleeping over.'

Tomorrow evening DP is having an Easter party at his house with his friends, I have met all of his friends on several occasions. I have no childcare for the evening so if I am going to attend then DD would need to stay over with us. It is an adult party but of course I would not be drinking if she is sleeping upstairs.

The trouble is, his friends are very much still in the 'lad' culture. They are all late 20's, but frankly behave like teenagers. They often cannot control their alcohol intake and will get smashed. There was an occasion recently where me and DD were staying over, and two of his mates came over for dinner only to end up sleeping over in the spare bedroom, which I had no idea would be happening. Neither did DP, he was very much put on the spot. He has assured me it will never happen again.

DP really wants me to come to the party as it's an annual Easter tradition he has, and he wants me there. I have said I am concerned that:

1. Drunken people may wander accidentally into her bedroom. We cannot keep an eye on all of the guests and as I said, they are very immature!

1. In addition to the above, I am concerned that people will end up 'crashing' in the spare bedroom/living room/wherever they can basically. Not particularly happy with the possibility of DD waking up to random men/women/people all over the house.

DP is assuring me and swearing blind that the above categorically will not happen. He will be telling people to leave at a reasonable time and will not be put on the spot to let people stay over. He also said we can put up a sign/barrier to stop people from accidentally entering her room (not sure this would stop drunken people!)

I do remember occasions as a child where I would be in bed and adults would be drinking and partying downstairs. Admittedly all was okay, I remember nothing apart from feeling left out, although my mum has some funny stories to tell about it all now.

AIBU to say no, I do not want DD staying over and I am refusing the invite? Am I being too over cautious?

Absolutely insane to even consider this

No way.

Sounds fine to me. Also if the lads get annoying you can always go kip with the little one!

I'd say no.. My party loving younger mother used to haul me to all kinds of these scenarios. A few times it did not go well. She would be downstairs thinking I was safe asleep upstairs and sometimes I just wasn't. Please keep your child at home safe.

It's not like you're inviting a 6 year old on a pub crawl! There's a responsible sober adult there, party in a different part of the house with friends warned.

Assuming they're just your average bunch of friends having a drink, they should surely be fine?

It would be difficult if you were all drinking I think

*different

You have FOMO OP I get it. But you have a six year old and she takes priority. You know it's not a suitable environment for her or you wouldn't be asking. Trust your gut instinct.

Is there no way you can get childcare? If you really can't I would be giving it a miss. Also I'm pretty sure the 'lads' would thank you for not turning up with a 6 year old. Awkward for them too if it really is a big piss up.

I’ve been to parties like this over the years and discovered their was a child up in bed asleep, I’ve always been appalled tbh.
I managed to have a colorful life while being a parent but never would have done this.

No I wouldn't go either and your partner should have the cop on to understand why you are reluctant, and accept that you are not able to go.

I'm thinking he is sincere in saying that he will not allow anyone to stay over. The thing is how will his friends react if they are as immature as you say. You don't want a last minute alcohol fuelled argument to break out. I would speak to your partner again to find out if he has already told everyone what will or won't be happening. After all they can't expect him not to move on in life with responsibilities which I think in this case he is doing.

It's a no from me.

Agree with pp - it's not a suitable environment for a child. I wouldn't go.

No way. If you can't get childcare you will just have to miss out this year. If he is a decent bloke he will understand.

Anyone could sneak into her bedroom without your knowledge. No way would I put my child in that situation.

Not a chance.

I wouldn't go.

I always hated trying to sleep while loud parties happened downstairs. So much so that I have never put dd in that position.

He also can’t guarantee that no one will stay over. Laddish parties often result in drivers not stopping drinking early enough to drive home safely.

I can't believe you would ask this?! No that is no place for a child.

I wouldn't go

I agree with KateyCube You don't know these people. Can you just stop by for an hour or two and then go home?

If she knows the adults then maybe or if it's a bunch of families but otherwise it's a bit grim.

Not a hope in hell would I even consider this. Family party yes, party with many unknown adults who think they’re teenagers & have form for getting stupid drunk & passing out on every available bed/sofa/floor, definite no!

These responses are all a bit weird to me. What is everyone actually worried about here? That DD will see drunk people?

Absolutely not a fat chance. Pretty shocked anyone would consider this.