Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12

Original poster

To regret having children?

284 replies

ZooNoLoo · 17/04/2019 21:42

[quote] edit by MNHQ
Hi all. Apologies, but we've got some doubts about the OP of this one, and we're not sure that they're here with the best intentions.

Who knows? The post may reflect a real situation - but the poster has been banned before.

A huge thank you for all those who have shared their thoughts and experiences - we're sure they're helpful to anyone who is reading the thread and is facing similar issues.

On reflection, we've decided to leave this thread up because the contributions from Mumsnetters are so useful.[/quote]

Well, not children. But a child. I only have the 1!

I dislike it. The drudge of family life, very limited time to just enjoy myself, everything considered for DC before I come into it. The lack of personal space, all the worry (I'm a very practical and matter of fact person but even I worry sometimes as a mum).

I'm just sick of the whole thing. I really think life without children is far better. I look at families with more than one child and feel somewhat uneasy. It's not something I could ever even consider.

I don't enjoy being a mum. I don't enjoy parenting.

I feel like I've done a bloody good job so far and my DS is beautiful and a lovely little one. But if I could turn back time and didn't know he existed. I would.

It's an odd one, I could easily be without children if I could change things. I just wouldn't be without DS since I know him now and o adore him and love him unconditionally.

It isn't something I'd recommend though (being a mum).

I have been gifted with an extremely easy child too. 0 sleep deprivation, 0 fuss really. It's all been very breezy. But I fucking hate family life.

OP posts:

BabyofMine · 17/04/2019 21:45

You aren’t unreasonable. But for your own sanity, it’s probably best not to dwell on it. It is what it is, you can’t change it now, so best to think of the positives and good things about your little one.

Maybe you could start a little list/book/photo collection of all your favourite moments, so that we’ll that drudgery of family life gets you down, you can remind yourself of positive things you have enjoyed about his life?

brizzlemint · 17/04/2019 21:46

How old is your DS?

FindYourCentre · 17/04/2019 21:46

I'm sorry you feel that way. No judgement from me, I wish I could offer some advice. I do have a feeling you're about to get torn apart though.

MooseHoose · 17/04/2019 21:48

YANBU and more people probably feel like this than will ever be honest enough to admit. Children are pretty thoughtless and selfish. They don’t mean to be, but they are. They don’t care that you’ve spent precious time making dinner that they then refuse to eat, or if you’re feeling ill, or if work was horrendous, or if you desperately need a lie in, or if you’d like to have a bath in peace. It’s tiring to put yourself last. Some people naturally enjoy being spontaneous or having lots of quiet time etc and having children just puts a bomb under all of that. It’s not really surprising to think, God - what have I signed up to?!

Original poster

ZooNoLoo · 17/04/2019 21:50

Baby I've got lots of things like that. I keep special things of his and I sometimes have a look and feel so sad that he won't be my little boy for long. I really do feel like I am going a good job, and I love him beyond measure.

I just don't like being a mum much. He is an amazing little person but family life is just so boring, with stressful demands and lots of shite thrown in.

brizz 18 months

OP posts:

Alienspaceship · 17/04/2019 21:50

No judgement from me at all. I now realise that children really only are with you for a a very small part of your life, so you will get yours back at some point.

Original poster

ZooNoLoo · 17/04/2019 21:53

Forgot to add to my last post, I just don't think it's all worth it. It's really not that enjoyable. There are some precious moments but the rest is just stressful crap. My peace is always disturbed.

He is worth it. My little person. But that's only because he's here. If I didn't know him personally and could speak to my TTC self, I'd throw some condoms my way and say forget the whole thing

OP posts:

HoHoHolittlepea · 17/04/2019 21:54

that sounds a tough way to feel. Is there any way you could get some time for yoursekf to do some of the things you're missing?

Whitechocandraspberry · 17/04/2019 21:55

What age are you?

Singlenotsingle · 17/04/2019 21:55

Have your got a dp of DH, and does he share the load? Extended family? Has DS got grandparents to help out? It can be a shock to the system when dc come along and we have to think of them first, but it'll help if you can share the burden with others.

Singlenotsingle · 17/04/2019 21:57

Have you got a dp or DH...

Cloudyyy · 17/04/2019 21:58

Why did you want to be a mum to start with? How is it different from what you imagined? Did you not realise you’d have to put the child first? Why do you have a child of you hate ‘family life’? Family life is what you make it. I feel sorry for you and your son too. How awful.

prettywhiteguitar · 17/04/2019 21:58

I have 3 dc and I am an artist, honestly I look at people with no children and think you lucky gits. I would have so much time to develop my work and career without them. But I remember what I was like before them and I was lost.

So although I know what you mean I know for myself I would never be the person I am without my children

GassyAss · 17/04/2019 21:58

YANBU no judgement here. I often wish I’d never had children even though I love them more than my own life.

MrsTumbletap · 17/04/2019 21:59

There is a great thread in classics called regret having kids or something like that and there are hundreds of posts on there in a similar light.

I believe lots of people feel like this but it's still taboo to talk about and I don't know why. I know some women that love being surrounded by children, the more the better, but it makes me stressed, things like soft play ands kids parties I hate.

Love my DS beyond measure and I still would have him again. But I certainly don't yearn for any more. 1 is a good balance between being a parent and still having some 'you' time left. I need that me time or I would be shit.

SimonJT · 17/04/2019 22:01

Being a parent is like a living hell at times, I never thought I would ever be in a position where socialising outside my own home would be once every three weeks.

If I could go back I think I would have made a different decision, I think a lot of people feel that way, people just don’t talk about it.

TooStressyTooMessy · 17/04/2019 22:01

18 months is a hard age. On the one hand they are still so little, are attracted to danger and need everything doing for them. On the other hand (unless you are one of those ‘it goes so fast’ parents) it can feel as if you have been a parent for ages with no improvement in sight. It’s such a cliche but for most people it gets easier (but never easy ). The days of having all day every day pretty much to yourself are gone. For the foreseeable future at least.

The best piece of advice I ever got was to accept that your old life has gone. You won’t get it back. But in time, you can get a life back. A different life, but still with moments for yourself and some easier times. At 18 months you are right in the thick of it and as PP say, accepting that it is hard, relentless work may make things feel better.

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 17/04/2019 22:01

YANBU.

I think we all have those moments, mine are 6 and 12 years old and the eldest has Autism which has a massive impact on his social skills and emotional regulation making him hard to like/deal with sometimes and the youngest is starting to copy (I am hoping it's learnt behaviours because I really don't think I'd cope of I found it she was displaying permanent "traits" too).

I've had and still have days where I want to escape it all and just disappear to live a selfish life just for me BUT then they go and do something daft, the simplest non-significant thing and I realise just how much they actually bring to my life and I realise that I do love them to pieces and couldn't be without them. My eldest doesn't smile or laugh much but when he does I can't help but smile with him 🙂

onegrapeshortofabunch · 17/04/2019 22:01

Yanbu. I found the feelings of regret left me when dc got to be about 5 years old. It may get better for you too.

Mum2jenny · 17/04/2019 22:01

Sorry, I think you're being completely unreasonable.
A child should be a joy to have, and you have a lovely little one.
Just enjoy your situation ( you can't change it, so just make it work for you).

SallyWD · 17/04/2019 22:03

18 months is a very tough age. They're in to everything and have no common sense so you have to watch them the whole time. I found that age exhausting and boring. I think parenthood becomes much more interesting as they get older. Now mine are 8 and 6 and we can do things I enjoy rather than toddler activities. We have some lovely conversations - you can't do that at 18 months! Also they're at school and do various activities throughout the week so I have a lot of time to myself. It's much easier to leave them with other people when they get older too. I hear what you're saying but I think your experience will be very different in a few years.

pastabest · 17/04/2019 22:03

Ahh op I could write your post a million times over.

I love my children (2 under 2 until recently) but my life has only got more stressful and difficult since having them. There are moments of joy but they are too few and far between to tip the general balance from feeling a bit miserable and trapped to mainly happy.

People say enjoy them while they are they are young and I feel so guilty for wishing away every tedious minute of it.

FamilyReferee · 17/04/2019 22:04

I completely get it OP - my DC are amazing - now heading into teens. But I've not really enjoyed being a parent at all, at any stage. I've enjoyed bits of spending time with them, but overall? No, it's a bit shit. I'm clearly just not the maternal type, and probably shouldn't have ever had any children.

I can honestly say I've hated it all. Happy clappy shit baby classes, junior school parent cliques, being something to someone else all the time and never just myself, approaching teen troubles.

I have enjoyed bits of them as a child - we had a fun day out today. They are truly amazing and I am proud of them.

But I feel I have lost the last 15 years of my life, with no actual benefit to me, and actually a lot of detriment.

So I'm sorry I don't have any answers, but I totally get where you're coming from.

Bythebeach · 17/04/2019 22:05

18 months is such early days. Parenting older children can be much less intensive. My older two can be busy all day with friends, hobbies, reading computers and sometimes apart from meals and lifts I wouldn’t interact with them all day except that I try to pop my head round the door and spend a few minutes being interested in whatever they are doing. I look at the 14 year old and can’t believe that once upon a time we were barely apart yet in a few short years he will leave home. Perhaps later phases of parenting with more time for yourself will suit you better.

MereDintofPandiculation · 17/04/2019 22:07

It improves. I didn't start enjoying mine until about 18 months, and it got steadily better from then on. You start being able to have conversations with them.

Remember you will be a mum for the rest of your life. 18 months is a very tiny proportion to judge it on.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12