To be concerned about ExDH’s MUCH younger girlfriend

[Fpsb]

Recently divorced after 20 years of marriage with 2 DC. ExDH and I are both 45. He’s a very high earner (investment banking) in the city. As his success grew over the years, so did his ego and inflated sense of self worth, which lead to our divorce. He’s recently got in to a relationship with 25 year old model type and in just the few months they have been together, he’s funded a number of extremely lavish holidays, weekend breaks and has showered her with high end gifts. According to DC1 the latest included a Rolex. In such a short space of time, he’s done more and bought more for his new girlfriend than we ever did in 20 years of marriage!

Whilst ExDH is a good looking man and in good shape for his age, I’m rather perplexed as to what (other than money) a very attractive 25 year old young woman would be looking for in a man 20 years her senior..... I’d been merrily minding my own business until I hear via the DC that not only is he spending enormous amounts of money on said girlfriend, he is now intending to propose. ExDH has a large sum of money put away for the DC (most of which he earned whilst I was at home looking after the DC) and a number of assets which the DC are due to inherit in the near future. He has clearly fallen head over heels for this young and very attractive woman. AIBU in thinking that she is going to take this silly fool for all he has?! I worry that by the time he realises this, it’ll be all too late and the DC could be left with nothing!

And for those that say 40something men are better in the sack, you have got to be kidding me! Younger men are physically fitter, have much more stamina, faster "recovery" period, harder erections.

@ChiaraRimini Nonsense.. It’s very much an individual thing. My 60 year old DP has more impressive stamina and a shorter recovery period than any partner I’ve ever ever had.

Younger men are physically fitter, have much more stamina, faster "recovery" period, harder erections
What a sad generalisation and thankfully very untrue.

Not only a generalisation, but all things a man can have who is an absolutely dire lover.

And for those that say 40something men are better in the sack, you have got to be kidding me! Younger men are physically fitter, have much more stamina, faster "recovery" period, harder erections.

Perhaps you just didn't do it for those 40something men in the erection department... ever considered that possibility?

Why not just speak to your own experience, talk of your own preferences and stop generalising everywhere because it just negates your point.

I've always preferred older men even as a young woman. I still do. I'm married now so I wouldn't go there but if I did... he would be older. It depends on the man but then it would at any age, wouldn't it?

Each to their own, without prejudice. Imagine the possibilities of a life not bogged down by inconsequential stereotyping...

I was thinking that, justarandomtricycle, like an over-excited Labrador who can't control himself.

You’re getting a hard time OP and I don’t know why. I can imagine how hurt you must feel. My opinion is he is a sad old cliche. I don’t know though, she might be alright. Anyway there’s nothing you can do, it’s up to him. But it’s pretty rotten.

Wonder how women would react if a man said women were better in bed. They were up for it more, got wetter blah blah blah.

And this is the issue here

Older man gets with younger woman = sad old man who is buying is golddigger girlfriends affections

Older woman gets with younger man = well done that woman.

OP - I get why you’re feeling rubbish about it, but this girl’s age is irrelevant. If he was doing the same stuff for a 45 year old would you feel the same way?

Maybe she’s in it for the money, or maybe she’s not. I’m one of many women with a considerably older partner and I know for me, money isn’t a factor.

Muchas, OP's not getting a hard time on the thread. Most posts are highly supportive. The posters getting the hard time are those who indulge in women-hating as if it's an Olympic sport and they're rightly getting ridiculed for their nonsense. As stupid as they are, it's not harmless, it perpetuates some dire views.

Unless you think he's spending money that legally belongs to your children, from a trust or something, there is nothing you can or should do here. Your children are provided for in the divorce settlement and again, unless he stops paying what he's supposed to, there's nothing more you can or should ask of him. It's his life and his money. Your children are not owed any of it. Maybe there will be plenty to pay for university from him, maybe there won't. You don't get to make that call for him now that you are not married to him.

DH's grandfather was widowed at 65, and remarried at 75, lived to 97 contentedly, but left nothing to his only child (TBF there wasn't a lot to leave). But everything he worked for during his long working life went to his surviving widow, and to her children, rather than to his own children's issue. Make a will, and keep it up to date!

I agree with many of the PP. my DH is 20 years older than me, we met when I was 25 also. Many people originally thought similar to you, that I was with him for his 'money' (although nowhere near what your exDH has!) 10 years later we are still happily married, now my career has progressed, as naturally happens with time and experience and we are nearly earning similar incomes and I'm sure I will overtake him in the next few years.

We have also set up the right wills etc to ensure that his children are looked after IF something should happen to him before me (I can't have children)

You can't judge based on earnings and age, it's a persons moral sense of what is right and wrong (I.e providing for children) that should be observed. And I guess it's too soon to tell with your exDH.

Hilarious replies to my post
I don't know why people are so keen to defend the sexual performance of older men!
Why do you think Viagra exists if some of them don't have a problem?? You won't see the 25 year olds needing to pop it.

^ I don't know why people are so keen to defend the sexual performance of older men!
Why do you think Viagra exists if some of them don't have a problem?? You won't see the 25 year olds needing to pop it^

I guess because getting very hard quickly doesn't actually make you good in bed?

@ChiaraRimini Well, you must have been incredibly unfortunate in your choices of older partners, if you’ve had any? None of the 50yrs+ partners I’ve ever had needed to take viagra.

And anyway, even if they had, I’d much rather sleep with a handsome, experienced, skilled (hopefully) older man than a 25 year old jackhammer.

Clicked on this thread and assumed the OW was going to be 19 or under.

Oh come on 20 years is a big age gap and even more so if it was reversed.

Oh FFS
I'm merely making the point that biologically, as men get older they are more likely to have erectile dysfunction. Therefore it is not all black and white that older men are "in their prime" as has been stated upthread.
You can all get your knickers in a twist you think I am insulting the manliness of your partner. And as for insinuating that ED is because i am so unattractive, that is nasty beyond belief. Would you say that to the wife of a man who had developed ED after 20 years marriage for medical reasons? the biology is what it is, whether you like it or not.

You opened that door, Chiara, you'll find that it swings both ways.

Your posts have been purposely provocative and you've had responses in kind. Don't make such silly statements then posters won't challenge them.

But here you go again... with your knickers in twist comment with a daft comment about ED when that's not what I said. I'll spell it out for you. Sometimes, it's not erectile dysfunction, its just that the man doesn't fancy you (a general you). However old or young they may be.

"I opened the door"as I said before, to point out that it is not black and white that older men have more going for them for younger ones. Older men have more problems with ED than younger ones. It is really unpleasant and wrong to suggest their ED is caused by their female partners not being attractive. Perhaps you are one of the older men who is trying to deny this.

As you were, Chiara, you're the one talking about erectile dysfunction, not I. I don't have experience of that, I'm a woman for a start, but no experience of it generally.

I'll leave you to it.

She may have Daddy issues. He may be having a mid life crisis/fear of getting old so is 'proving' he can attract young women thing. It happens all the time. It probably won't last.

In terms of the divorce, everything was settled fairly but I have still not found employment after years of staying at home... so I’m far from wealthy. I did everything I could to ensure that ExDH could work all of the hours he needed to in order to progress and earn money for our children and our future.

Usually all this is factored into the financials with divorce- if one spouse is a high flyer and has great future earning potential due to the other spouse who made sacrifices to enable this to occur and is unlikely to have significant future earnings. This stuff is all looked at and taken into consideration with the financial split. Was this not the case? Did you have a solicitor?

Why do you think Viagra exists if some of them don't have a problem?? You won't see the 25 year olds needing to pop it.

Well that's just not true. Theres actually a very serious problem with younger men taking steroids on a larger scale, than ever before. Theres also a huge issue with porn impacting sex lives of men of all ages.

At the end of the day you made the generalisation that men in their 40s and above could get erections or recover quickly or have the stamina to be 'in their prime'. Many people are challenging that. Because it's not our experience.

I have no idea when the older men you have slept with have had these problems. I am not going to guess.

But your assertion is incorrect.

Besides which, if it all it takes to being good in bed is being younger, you cant really judge the ops exh for wanting to sleep with a younger woman?

If you want to claim younger men are better in bed, surely that ridiculous generalisation would apply to women too?

She may have Daddy issues. He may be having a mid life crisis/fear of getting old so is 'proving' he can attract young women thing. It happens all the time. It probably won't last

Or, you know, they might just like and fancy each other!