“It’s nothing for you to do all night wakings,” says DH. “You’re genetically programmed.”

[geneticallyprogrammed]

We have 3 DC, the youngest of whom is now 8. This morning, DH was in a cranky mood because I had forgotten to close the cats into the lower ground floor rooms, so one came in howling for me at 5.30am. I immediately got up with the cat so DH was minimally disturbed, as I always do in this situation. Anyway, I took him a coffee to wake him up at 7am and he started ranting about how he need to be at “peak performance” this week; “millions are at stake,”etc (this is basically the case every week and is the story of my life). I again apologised for the cat and said that 5.30 is not that bad as a one off. He continued going on and on about “sleep deprivation”. I said to him that not once have I ever expected him to deal with the cats and, for that matter, not once did he ever get up in the night with any of his 3 children over the course of 7 years. His reply was, “Well that’s different, you’re a woman. You’re genetically programmed to deal with children and be awake in the night to adapt to their sleep patterns.”

I’m actually livid following this comment because I think it speaks volumes as to his attitude. AIBU?

the baby is your baby, his baby is his bike

Meanwhile, I’m anaemic with all DC home and I feel shattered from constantly walking on eggshells.

This is wrong on every level. If you're perpetually on eggshells I can guarantee that your DC are, too. And that's no way to live, regardless of bullshit like this from CherylCheshire who either needs a lobotomy or is your DH.

if his work keeps you and your children in a beautiful house with beautiful furniture and you get to swan about all over the place in a beautiful car wearing beautiful clothes, you really need to count your blessings. Millions of women would swap places with you.

Get fucked would millions of women swap places. I doubt even the OP wants to be there let alone a stranger on a forum who feels that being married to a twat in a nice house is better than any alternative.

What a massive pile of shite, Cheryl.

He is genetically preprogrammed to be a wanker by the sound of it.

I would certainly have considered giving him a kick up the arse for that comment.

How does a man like that even get a wife? Hope it wasn't for the money.

What an awful attitude Cheryl

Where the actual fuck do these men come from?

My dad is 81 years old and has a more progressive attitude ffs!

We must not blame woman for men’s behaviour I completely agree. But we are all adults and we all take responsibility for our actions and behaviours. He is a twat. But the OP could make changes or she could kick him out,

CherylCheshire fucking hell - are you the OP’s DH????

YANBU

That remark is worthy of The Donald,

I've never heard anything so ridiculous from anyone else and my ex was bad enough.

He's clearly not an ideal husband but, if his work keeps you and your children in a beautiful house with beautiful furniture and you get to swan about all over the place in a beautiful car wearing beautiful clothes, you really need to count your blessings.
Millions of women would swap places with you.
I wouldn't! Our house is a bit shabby, our furniture is comfortable at best, our car is a decade old and my clothes are really nothing to write home about, but DH did his fair share of the night wakings and never once questioned it. I'll keep him, thanks!

Obviously these comments are ridiculous,sexist crap. Rather than take them too much to heart, you need to get to the bottom of why he so stressed. Sounds like he needs a new job to me. I've seen this pressure cooker stuff play out a couple of times now and it's not much fun. If they've decided it's time to go, he should go before he gets pushed.

There have to be some pretty significant upsides to this man, for you to have put up with this for at least 8 years!

Less facetiously, the walking on eggshells and anxiety you feel are a bit worrying. Have you told him you feel this way because of the things he says and does?

My BIL is like this, and his wife facilitates it completely. She once said to my (fabulous, truly wonderful) DH “I feel so sorry for you, getting up at night with the children!” Don’t be that person, OP. LTB.

He never got up once in 7 years yet his attitude surprises you? Why?

He's clearly not an ideal husband but, if his work keeps you and your children in a beautiful house with beautiful furniture and you get to swan about all over the place in a beautiful car wearing beautiful clothes, you really need to count your blessings.
Millions of women would swap places with you.

NEGATIVE. I’d choose my kind husband who views us as equal partners and has never complained about doing his fairness parenting share in our small house and tight-ish budget all day every day and twice on Mondays.

Back when this evolved a man waking at night for a crying baby was useless. Genetic changes take thousands of years and there was never a genetic imperative to change this one.

Ah that explains why men have historically been so useless as fishermen, hunters, soldiers, farmers etc- they're simply not genetically evolved to haul themselves out of bed when the enemy attacks or the mackerel shoals are entering the trawl or the mare is about to foal. Good job women have been seeing to these tasks throughout the millennia. Or are you saying that evolution is so fussy that it enables men to get out of bed for a herring but not for a human child?

In the Middle Ages a fairly high percentage of the male population were in monastic orders- which meant they had to get up several times in the night to sing. Evolution just had to look the other way and try not to feel silly.

LTB

My DF once said to DB and me that "girls like cleaning" - he also could not find his clothes unless DM laid them out for him (semi naked man in the corridor clamouring where are my socks anyone?).

He grew up when DM got ill.

he started ranting about how he need to be at “peak performance” this week; “millions are at stake,”etc

I bet he thinks this makes him awfully important. Possibly you believe it too. But all over the country, people in all sorts of jobs are dealing with those kind of figures every day without being histrionic drama llamas who need coddling about it... some of them even parents who’ve got up in the night for their children!

Millions of women would swap places with you.

The rest of us have self-respect.

Why is it that so many of these selfish, self-important, misogynistic cunts are cyclists? Do you think it could be proven that there is a direct link with having a microscopic dick and sweaty bollocks encased in lycra on a regular basis that leads to a brain-shrinking effect?

And isn’t it interesting that these so many of these men behave exactly the same at home as they do on public roads?

cdtaylornats

Don't let science get in the way of your name-calling.

www.laleche.org.uk/reasons-night-waking-biological-norm/

As I understand that article it's saying that night waking is a biological norm for babies (not their parents)? Mothers may tend to behaviours which instigate babies rousing because it's better for the babies' health (the article wasn't saying this was evidenced fact more supposition). At least that's how I understood it. Once bf is finished surely the male should be genetically programmed to wake at night, particularly for any noise outside their immediate cave/sleeping chamber, to leap to the defense of his offspring?

He's clearly not an ideal husband but, if his work keeps you and your children in a beautiful house with beautiful furniture and you get to swan about all over the place in a beautiful car wearing beautiful clothes, you really need to count your blessings.
Millions of women would swap places with you.

Hahahahaha, funniest thing I’ve read on MN ever. Seriously, you’re killing me...... 😂😂