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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do I tell DP I am a former escort/prostitute

397 replies

LovelyIssues · 13/04/2019 10:08

So back story... aged 16 I moved out of home into a shared house. Working a crappy minimum wage job I quickly struggled with paying rent. Going "home" wasn't an option. Was introduced to becoming an escort by a "friend" and did it for the best part of a year. Fast forward 16 years and I'm happily settled down with DP, we have 2 DS and have just got engaged! Do I tell him about my former life before the wedding?

OP posts:
HappyMama01 · 13/04/2019 10:10

No.

PeachNut · 13/04/2019 10:12

No.

Theyellowsquare · 13/04/2019 10:13

Nope

madcatladyforever · 13/04/2019 10:13

You should have told him long before you had kids, now you will have to live a lie forever and he will be furious if he ever finds out.
It could cause problems with custody of your chidlren if he finds out and decides to leave you.
I could not stand to be with someone who had deliberately kept this from me. Honesty is fine, years of lies and deceit is definitely not.

Butchyrestingface · 13/04/2019 10:13

Wild horses would not drag that out of me. Why are you considering telling him?

tinatsarina · 13/04/2019 10:13

I would tell him, if your spending the rest of your life with him then I would say. I would also makes sure he understands how young you were and the other factors that lead you to that path. I hope he understands. Flowers

formerbabe · 13/04/2019 10:14

No...if you wanted to tell him, you should have done it earlier on in your relationship. It's too late now I think to tell him and won't achieve anything imo.

BreastSideStory · 13/04/2019 10:14

Why on earth would you tell him?!
Nope. It’s not lying either, it’s in the past and has no bearing on your current relationship

TheDarkPassenger · 13/04/2019 10:14

I would. Don’t let people make you feel ashamed

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2019 10:14

No to be honest, I probably wouldn't tell him. He may use it against you st some point in the future.

GummyGoddess · 13/04/2019 10:15

No, it's too late now. Especially no if there's no chance of him finding out.

CalmdownJanet · 13/04/2019 10:15

No it's none of his business and honestly if you were going to tell him it feels like that time has been and gone, it's a big thing to drop just before the wedding I think

wonderingsoul · 13/04/2019 10:15

Unless you want to, you dont have to.

Personally I would, itd make me feel better that inwasnt keeping a big part of my life screact from him and lessen my paranoia of him possible finding out.

Rachierach11 · 13/04/2019 10:15

I think I would. It’s a tricky one and hopefully it won’t change anything (it shouldn’t in my opinion) but that’s definitely the kind of thing you should be open about with someone you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.

user1457017537 · 13/04/2019 10:15

No, your past is your past. Honesty is not always the best policy.

Butchyrestingface · 13/04/2019 10:15

I could not stand to be with someone who had deliberately kept this from me. Honesty is fine, years of lies and deceit is definitely not.

How is it “lies and deceit”? Is it likely he’s even asked her what she did for money when she was sixteen, far less whether she was a prostitute?

Sizeofalentil · 13/04/2019 10:16

It depends - I would have told my DP, but only because he's very open-minded and would have been upset and concerned for me rather than shocked.

But, it was so long ago and was for less than a year. There's no much need.

Do you think talking it through with a professional (I'm sure there's charities for former sex workers) would help?

Cherylshaw · 13/04/2019 10:16

You should have told him by now, if it was me i would tell him, but it could do more damage now that it's been so long. I would just hate living scared that he would find out and not knowing how he would react but again that's just me

GummyGoddess · 13/04/2019 10:16

@TheDarkPassenger it's not about others making her feel ashamed, it's about risking breaking up her family. Whether she's ashamed or not doesn't matter.

BoglingToAswad · 13/04/2019 10:17

It could cause problems with custody of your chidlren if he finds out and decides to leave you

Well that's not even nearly true.

Honestly OP, I would, but I don't see it as something to be ashamed of. I suppose it depends on how he is likely to feel about it.

Omzlas · 13/04/2019 10:18

You should've told him way before now, I certainly wouldn't tell after DC and getting engaged

What are your reasons for wanting to tell him now?

PregnantSea · 13/04/2019 10:18

I think you should tell him. Be prepared for him to be very hurt that you've kept it from him though

HotpotLawyer · 13/04/2019 10:19

“It could cause problems with custody of your chidlren if he finds out and decides to leave you. “

Absolute bollocks.

Madcatlady: whilst honesty and openness are the best foundation for a relationship, presumably the DP knows that the OP has a hard enough home life to necessitate leaving at 16 and not returning, so if he is as judgemental and vengeful as you she is better if without him.

We do all have a right to privacy, our partners do not own the rights to our lives before we met them, and no one can be blamed for things they feel too vulnerable to talk about.

Transpeaked · 13/04/2019 10:19

He has no right to know about your past. You are under no obligation to tell him. It’s none of his business

Claw01 · 13/04/2019 10:19

Depends on whether you have a share every detail of your past kind of relationship. Which I doubt, as you would have told him before now!