Do I tell DP I am a former escort/prostitute

[LovelyIssues]

So back story... aged 16 I moved out of home into a shared house. Working a crappy minimum wage job I quickly struggled with paying rent. Going "home" wasn't an option. Was introduced to becoming an escort by a "friend" and did it for the best part of a year. Fast forward 16 years and I'm happily settled down with DP, we have 2 DS and have just got engaged! Do I tell him about my former life before the wedding?

I certainly don't feel ashamed of it, but then I am a very open minded person. At the time being so naive it felt like that or starve and be homeless

Is he as open-minded as you are though? If so then I would tell him.

No. It was a long time ago and you were very young. It has no bearing on your life with your DP now.

No unless you're fully prepared for him to walk away, I am surprised it didn't come up early in the relationship. Do you feel guilty for it. IME most man get jealous of sex with previous partners, I never discuss past sexual experiences, you know your DP, can he handle it, his mind will glamorous it in terms of how many men etc.

You should have told him long before you had kids, now you will have to live a lie forever and he will be furious if he ever finds out.

What? What is she lying about exactly?

I wouldn't, i dont feel he needs to know.

It was years ago just forget about it and move on :)

I believe it could go either way in terms of understanding or being disgusted

No. It's all a long way in the past, he would be hurt, upset and possibly resentful that you didn't tell him earlier and/or be very judgemental so best keep it to yourself.

Do you feel guilty for it

What exactly would she feel guilty about?

Has he ever expressed an opinion on sex work in general?

Why do you feel the need to tell him?

Honestly, don't tell him. Sounds like you had a shitty start in life...not your fault. Don't let your past harm your future. Enjoy your family and have a wonderful wedding.

At the time being so naive it felt like that or starve and be homeless
It probably was. I would like to tell him I get it, but it's buried along time, is it for honesty or to unburden yourself.

How would you feel if he breaks up with joy and tells everyone why?

It depends on what he is like, to be honest.

If he's very caring and open-minded, I would tell him. If he's likely to be upset or to doubt you as a result of this extra knowledge, then don't. It's not relevant to your life together, and he has no right to know.

What does he have to gain by knowing ?
What do you have to lose by telling ?
This would be my question to myself?
Have you shared past boyfriends/girlfriend history with each other. Someone are weird about this, others not.

Do you feel guilty for it For not telling her DP sooner.

It’s far too late now. He’s stuck in the relationship and can’t leave even he ordinarily would have had he been told this on a third date or whatever.

I doubt many of the people who will post on this thread have been in the position of being out in the world on their own at 16, suddenly having to find and pay their own way. I certainly wasn't, lived a very sheltered life at 16/17 living at home doing my A - levels with a Saturday job. What I'm saying is no one on here can judge you, neither can your husband, you did what you needed to, or thought you needed to, at the time.

But why do you want to tell him now?

You should have told him before you had sex with him, before your relationship was serious and definitely before you had kids.

You were 16/17, very young, you should have had a home & family supporting you, but clearly you didn’t. I think it’s sad that your ‘friend’ encouraged (pushed ?) you into doing it and that possibly you didn’t think you had much choice. I have no moral objection to adults choosing to do it, but I hate the thought of a young girl doing it because she doesn’t have a home & family

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but I think you (as in everyone) owe your partner the truth about your life. Now, lots if people disagree with that, that’s their choice, but if a partner lied to me about important stuff I wouldn’t be at all happy. It could well be relationship ending. Not what the lie is necessarily, but that they lied.

Only you know your partner and what’s best to do in your situation. Though, given you were 16, I’d be rather disappointed in him if he didn’t just feel sad you’d gone through that and sorry that you didn’t feel you could tell him much much sooner in your relationship. But I’d understand if he felt betrayed by your lies re previous sexual history.

If I were you I’d tell him though, because I couldn’t relax knowing that he might find out from someone else and that would be far worse.

It’s a decision only you can make.

Yes a part of me does feel guilty about not telling him. I tried to disassociate myself from being that person for that year. We've briefly discussed previous partners, maybe I should have told him then

Don’t tell him op. Why risk ruining your happiness for something that happened a long time ago. You have no way of knowing how he will react or what repercussions or may have. It’s just not worth the potential fall out.

Don’t feel guilty op. It was a long time ago and in a very hard part of your life. Why should you be potentially judged for it? Just concentrate on the life you have now and let it go as much as you can.

Would you need to tell him if you’d been a bit of a party girl? I don’t think most people share every detail of their sexual histories. Unless there are people around who could out you, I think you should keep quiet. You did what you had to do. It’s over. Move on.

I wouldn't unless it has some bearing on your life now or in the future. I would ask why you wanted to tell him now - what do you want to achieve? Do you feel a need to tell him?

I would also say, that at 16 and from a background where you felt you couldn't go home, you were vulnerable.