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Original poster

Do I tell DP I am a former escort/prostitute

397 replies

LovelyIssues · 13/04/2019 10:08

So back story... aged 16 I moved out of home into a shared house. Working a crappy minimum wage job I quickly struggled with paying rent. Going "home" wasn't an option. Was introduced to becoming an escort by a "friend" and did it for the best part of a year. Fast forward 16 years and I'm happily settled down with DP, we have 2 DS and have just got engaged! Do I tell him about my former life before the wedding?

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 14/04/2019 07:37

No. What is to be gained by telling him? Who would it benefit?

Ghanagirl · 14/04/2019 08:06

I wouldn’t OP, I worked in a department store age 16 I don’t think it’s of any interest to my DH.
As for those encouraging you to spill then saying good luck etc just want to enjoy some drama.

Itssosunny · 14/04/2019 08:07

No. Never. It will backfire one day.

Original poster
LovelyIssues · 14/04/2019 08:08

Thank you all for your responses, wasn't expecting so many!! you guys so lovely and helpful Flowers

OP posts:
FishFace2019 · 14/04/2019 08:09

I’m glad it worked out for you Rood but I think what needs to be challenged here is the premise that this is some sort of terrible secret that should burden one’s conscience. It’s not. I get you couldn’t shake that feeling tho and you have moved on. Good luck to you.

RoodRuddr · 14/04/2019 08:26

I view it that way because it is potentially a 'dealbreaker' for partners, and i hadnt given him the chance to make an informed choice. It felt like living a lie.

Thehop · 14/04/2019 08:31

No. Keep quiet!

sanmiguel · 14/04/2019 08:32

I asked my DH this question. He says no. He wouldn't have expect me to tell him this before we married. It was many years before we met but if I wanted to discuss it at a later date, he'd not be offended/think of me any differently.
We both agreed this was probably an abusive experience though and something you may benefit from talking about. You were still a kid!
Good luck OP

GoFiguire · 14/04/2019 08:32

Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it

Ignore the Purer Than Thou PP. It isn’t their life that will be ruined.

Just. Don’t. Do. It.

Mother87 · 14/04/2019 08:49

No. It doesn't have anything to do with him/anybody else and there's no 'benefit' to him knowing - only the possibility of repercussions/judgement about something that is none if his business and doesn't impact on you or DC's life now

MiniEggAddiction · 14/04/2019 08:53

I might tell him if it was something I wanted to discuss with him and I felt he was able to discuss this without making me feel about about it. That said I don't think he has a right to know all the details about your past and if you don't want to tell him don't tell him a thing.

user1457017537 · 14/04/2019 08:57

The only thing that matters is the here and now. The past is a different country and you are now grown up. Enjoy your family and move on. You don’t owe anyone anything. Don’t tell anyone else either a secret is not a secret if someone knows it.

MariaNovella · 14/04/2019 09:00

No one has to tell their partner every single nut, bolt and mistake of their journey to adulthood.

ElsieMc · 14/04/2019 09:28

Please don't tell him op. You were no more than a child who was coerced by your "friend", exploited and abused. Do not let your conscience trouble you at all. You are safe now with your home, children and partner. Don't allow the past back in to cheat you of your future.

You wouldn't recount all the things you have ever done wrong in your life. I know people who have done terrible things in their past and have serious criminal convictions making these decisions as adults. You were a victim of your circumstances, not a perpetrator.

Ihatehashtags · 14/04/2019 09:28

No

Springiscomingsoon · 14/04/2019 09:53

No your past is YOUR past.
I was an awful girlfriend at 18 to 20 years old. I am not that person anymore. It was sooo long ago.
Whilst my oh kinda knows this I don't feel obliged to tell him all my misadventures because that's not me now!
You say you have a lovely life. YOU DESERVE THIS. Don't jeopardise it for something your younger self did. Go back to your younger self, give her a big cuddle and tell her what a great life she will have Grin

BlueJava · 14/04/2019 10:00

Why would you tell him? If it was just the start of your relationship then yes you should tell him. But now - no way.

Tinkoschminko · 14/04/2019 12:04

Why are people equating this with their own (voluntary) sexual pasts? This is more akin to telling a partner you were beaten as a child than having a wild one.

Guyliner · 14/04/2019 12:08

The kids were your big commitment. Marriage just locks up your finances.

You should have told him before the kids as any man who would leave a woman for being forced into underage prostitution due to a shitty home life isnt worth being with.

Im not sure any good would come of it now though.

Guyliner · 14/04/2019 12:09

I agree tinko. It's just really very sad.

Tinkoschminko · 14/04/2019 12:29

I can’t believe all the talk of burdening him. What about the burden that OP is shouldering? And yes, if he has a problem with the love of his life being exploited then he’s not for you. It’s actually a pretty good short-cut to finding out for sure.

All that said, it’s your choice. If you want to, if it will help you heal, if it will give some greater insight into aspects of yourself for you and him, then of course you should.

FishFace2019 · 14/04/2019 14:33

Tinko your analogy is spot on. Heartily agree. Very sad this isn’t obvious to all, but let’s hope this thread encourages some at least to examine lazy assumptions.

bluegreygreen · 14/04/2019 15:54

It's worth spending some time thinking out why you'd like to tell him (either by yourself or with a counsellor)

One other consideration that I don't think anyone has mentioned -

There are several comments above about how you were a different person then, it's irrelevant to the life you have now etc.

Just be aware that anything significant that has happened in your past life will contribute in some way to the person you are now. In particular, whether or not you are aware of it, it will affect how you interact with people and how you react to different stressors.

This being the case, you may find that even if you decide it's best not to tell your fiancé now, at some point in the future during times of difficulty you may wish to do so.

Very best wishes.

Gingerkittykat · 14/04/2019 16:05

I think the fact you have asked the question means that it is bothering you on some level, and you want to know all of you is accepted by him.

You did what you needed to do to survive in a shitty situation, you have nothing to be ashamed about. The men who exploited you are the ones who should be ashamed.

Without knowing your partner it is impossible to say what you should do, but I think the fact it is lurking in your head means you need to talk to someone.

Flowers
AhhhHereItGoes · 14/04/2019 16:17

Some of the answers are horrid on this thread.

It's actually none of anyone's business what you did in your past.

The only time I feel it is important to is if it will negatively effect your partner. Potential dangerous stalker, violent past etc.

But what you need to ask yourself is will it help you, help him or neither?

It's looking at this thread and seeing how people judge others for their pasts.

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